Not-so-righteous Indignation

, , | Right | July 6, 2009

(A customer claims they had found cockroaches in several pizzas we had delivered earlier. My manager tells me to go ahead and give them their money back.)

Me: “Here’s your money refunded in full, and again, we’re very sorry for this. It’s never happened before.”

Customer: “This is unacceptable! We’re never ordering from you again. You should feel ashamed!”

Me: “Again, we’re very sorry. If you could just give me the pizzas back, I’ll dispose of them for you.”

Customer: “Well… I don’t have them anymore.”

Me: “What did you do with them?”

Customer: *sheepishly* “I gave them to my kids.”


This story is part of our Grossest Customers Ever roundup!

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A Time To Laugh, But Mostly A Time To Cry

, , | Right | July 1, 2009

(A woman and her three-year-old daughter leave the changing room and approach my counter. She looks to be flustered and in a hurry.)

Me: “Hi there, can I help you?”

Customer: “Just this, please.” *hands me her items*

Me: “That’s £49.96, please.”

(The woman frantically searches her bag for her purse and almost turfs the contents out onto the floor.)

Customer: “I can’t find my purse.”

Me: “It’s okay, take your time. Perhaps you left it in the changing room?”

Customer: “No, I didn’t leave anything in there! Here it is.”

(She hands me her credit card, I complete the transaction and hand her her purchases.)

Me: “Here you go. Thank you for visiting today.”

Customer: *nervous smile* “Thank you.”

(The woman walks away hastily. Just before she gets to the shop door, her daughter speaks up.)

Customer’s Daughter: “But mummy, we did leave something in the changing room!”

Customer: *starts walking quicker* “Shhh!”

Customer’s Daughter: *triumphantly* “We left my poo in there!”

(The woman grabs the child by the hand and runs out of the shop. My colleague and I run over to the changing room to see for ourselves. Sure enough, in the corner of one of the changing rooms, there is a small pile of poo. We didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.)


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Och, A Communal Kilt

, , , , | Right | June 24, 2009

(I work at a Scottish import store that specializes in kilts. We mostly rent them out for weddings.)

Me: “Okay, guys, you’re all fitted up. Everything will be ready for pick-up the Thursday before the wedding.”

Customer: “Guys, you know what we have to do, right? We have to go commando! No wearing anything under the kilt!” *to me* “That’s the way to do it, right?”

Me: “Well, gentlemen, we don’t have a policy on that one way or the other. Personally, though, before you decide, I’d advise you to take a moment and consider ALL the implications of the word… ‘rental.'”

Customer: “What? But… oh… Oh! Ewww!”

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Mistaking Kitty For Kujo

, , , | Right | May 25, 2009

(I work at an animal hospital which also helps adopt out strays. It’s a slow day, so I walk into the lobby cradling a kitten for anyone that is interested.)

Customer: “Is that your cat?”

Me: “No, this little guy is one of our strays. He needs a home.”

Customer: “Do you have any stray dogs?”

Me: “Yes, we have a couple of dogs that are available for adoption. However, we have more cats and they are easier to walk around with.”

Customer: “Never was a fan of cats. Dogs are always so friendly and loyal. You could die in your chair and your dog would just lie right next to you until they died, too. A cat would probably start eating the flesh off your bones!”


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The Chump With The Hump Under Her Rump

, , , | Right | May 13, 2009

(I’m bus passenger and notice another passenger sitting with one half of her butt on one seat, and the other on another. The divider is between them, squarely up her crack.)

Bus driver: “Ma’am, you’ll have to move. This bus is very crowded and you’re taking up two seats.”

Passenger: “What do you mean I’m taking up two seats? This is how you’re supposed to sit.”

Bus driver: “No it isn’t, ma’am. You’re straddling the divider.”

Passenger: “You mean this isn’t the a**-cheek divider?”

Bus driver: “No, ma’am, that’s the seat divider!”

Passenger: “Aw… but it feels good to sit like this!”

Bus driver: “Well, ma’am, your… pleasure… will have to wait.”

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