Swimming With The Feces

, , , | Right | January 26, 2010

(A child has pooped in the pool so we get all the swimmers out. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Why did you get everybody out? It is a perfectly nice day”

Me: “Yes, but a child had an accident in the pool.”

Customer: “…so?”

Me: “Well, we have to run an eight-hour cleaning cycle. We can not let you back in for the rest of the day.”

Customer: “That is so dumb! Who makes the decisions around here?”

Me: “I do. I am the lifeguard. A child has pooped in the pool, ma’am.”

Customer: “It is a nice day out and I want to swim!”

1 Thumbs
2,491

The Customer Is Always Right (And Regular)

, , , , , | Right | January 22, 2010

Coworker: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Caller: “I just called and made an order for delivery, but please tell the driver to wait. I have to go have bowel movements.”

Coworker: “Um, sure thing, ma’am.”

(About ten minutes go by…)

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Same Caller: “You can tell the driver he can bring my food to me now. I’m done with my bowel movements.”


This story is part of our customers give TMI roundup!

Read the next customers give TMI roundup story!

Read the customers give TIM roundup!


Did you find this story on our Delivery Driver roundup?

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to go back to the roundup!

1 Thumbs
2,715

Stupidity Is Its Own Reward

, , , | Right | January 18, 2010

Me: “Do you have your rewards card with you, sir?”

Customer: “Uh, no, I don’t. Do I not get a discount?”

Me: “Of course you still can! What’s your phone number?”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “Seventeen.”

Customer: “You’re not even legal! I can’t do that.”

Me: “Uh, no, sir. I need it to look up for your discount.”

Customer: “Oh…” *tells me his phone number* “…but don’t call me after 5. That’s when my wife gets home.”

1 Thumbs
3,902

It Flu Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

, , , | Right | January 5, 2010

(A customer enters the door in a huff, dragging along her young daughter. She then dumps a raw chicken (including guts and fats) into my hands. Our store’s policy is that if you get raw meat on yourself, to stop what you’re doing and wash your hands immediately.)

Customer: “I went to cook it today for my family, and I found all the chicken’s organs and stuff still inside it!”

Me: “We’re very sorry about that. Do you have a receipt? Could you just get that out ready for me while I dispose of this and wash my hands?”

Customer: “You people are always making up excuses to do things half-heartedly!”

Me: “I have to. I have raw chicken on my hands.”

Customer: “Me, too! I’m not slowing down my day!”

Me: “Would you like a wet wipe? I wouldn’t want you or your daughter to get salmonella or something.”

Customer: “What?! You people have salmonella chickens? We’re gonna get bird flu!”

(The customer rips the chicken open with her hands.)

Customer: “Look! See? I told you!” *holds out the chicken’s entrails* “You just didn’t want me to prove it! Trying to scare me with bird flu!”

(I ring up the refund.)

Me: “Now, you really should wash your hands straight away. Salmonella-”

Customer: “Don’t be stupid! There’s no bird flu in it or I’d have sneezed.”

1 Thumbs
4,094

More Leftovers, Less Landfill

, , , , , | Right | November 30, 2009

(I work for the city government and received this call the day after Halloween.)

Customer: “The garbage collectors didn’t take all my garbage this morning. They left my pumpkin.”

Me: “Well, sir, where did you leave the pumpkin for collection?”

Customer: “In my recycling bin.”

Me: “Well, that’s why they didn’t take it. You need to put it in your garbage can.”

Customer: “But you can recycle a pumpkin!”

Me: “Sir, what do you think they are going to recycle your pumpkin into?”

Customer: “PIE!”


This story is part of our Pumpkin Spice roundup!

Read the next Pumpkin Spice roundup story!

Read the Pumpkin Spice roundup!

1 Thumbs
4,281