Paper Recycling Has Become A Toxic Task

, , , , , , , , | Working | October 18, 2018

I used to work in the credit department for a regional department store. My job was attached to the collections department, but I wasn’t a collector. We had a dress code, which was ignored by the collectors. Since we weren’t the only business in the building, we had a code of conduct to prevent swearing in the elevator or the lobby. That was also ignored, also without consequence.

The high point came with the paper-recycling bin. Each group had a large rolling bin to put paper in for recycling, which was picked up weekly by an outside company. One group of collectors used theirs for garbage, including fruit remnants and packaging, and the recyclers refused to touch it. Since it wasn’t in the trash bins located at each desk, the janitorial staff wouldn’t touch it, either.

It sat there and rotted until complaints got to the VP. I was told to take it down three floors on the elevator, wheel it across the street and over a block to the store, dump it in the compact, and bring it back. I tried making the point that this wasn’t my job, that I’d had no part in creating the problem, and that it should be fixed by the people that did create it, but that didn’t fly.

I did as instructed, and parked the stinking bin — rancid juices streaking the sides, flies orbiting around it — in front of that supervisor’s desk, and told her she could clean it.

To Pee, Or Not To Pee

, , , | Right | October 1, 2018

(We have gone to a rather upscale local area to play Pokémon Go, and stopped into a restaurant to grab some dinner. The meal is fantastic, and because our friends’ drink takes a long time to show up, the waiter is kind enough to take it off the bill. We leave a generous tip because of how well he has taken care of us, despite problems with it being packed. I head into the bathroom before we leave.)

Me: *smiles and gives a polite hello to a waiter who is prepping silverware next to the bathroom*

Waiter #1: “Have a great evening!” *continues to wrap napkins around silverware carefully*

(I step into the bathroom and I am horrified by the sight inside. Despite there being two stalls, the bathroom is a complete mess. Wads and long pieces of toilet paper are strewn all over the floor, paper towels have been scattered everywhere, and the first stall has no toilet paper on the roll at all. I tiptoe around it all and check the second stall, and immediately leave the bathroom when I see that someone has peed on the floor in front of the toilet and left a sizable puddle that covers most of the stall floor. I am basically gagging as I stare in horror at the bathroom door, backing away quickly.)

Waiter #2: *leaving the men’s bathroom and noticing my shocked and disgusted look* “Is everything all right?”

Me: *moving further away* “The bathroom is a total mess! Someone even peed all over the floor in front of the toilet! It looks like they tried to hover without touching the seat and failed miserably.”

Waiter #1: *stops wrapping silverware, looking horrified* “I’d go clean it immediately, but… I can’t. For obvious reasons.”

Waiter #2: *looking disgusted, as well* “Same here. We have to wait until we can get a female coworker to do it, because male staff isn’t allowed in. I’m terribly sorry!”

(Both begin to fidget as if they are expecting something bad to happen.)

Me: “That’s fine. I understand you don’t want to get slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit because someone wants to be dumb about you cleaning a bathroom. I’ll just wait for my boyfriend to come out and find somewhere else to go. It’s not your fault.”

(They both stop fidgeting and stare at me.)

Waiter #1: “So… you aren’t going to scream at us?”

Me: “Why would I? You didn’t go in there and pee all over the floor!”

(They both look very relieved and smile.)

Waiter #2: “Thank you! I honestly thought you would start screaming at us. We get screamed at a lot for things we have no control of!”

Me: *shaking my head* “No way! I wouldn’t do that. I just wish that women wouldn’t be so gross, and just sit on the d*** toilet seat instead of peeing on the seat and floor because the seat might have germs. It makes it grosser for everyone else!”

(My boyfriend came out and we left. The waiters seemed very happy, and one ran off to go find someone to clean the bathroom. I pity the person who got stuck having to clean that bathroom!)

Fart Jokes Exist In A Vacuum

, , , , | Working | September 28, 2018

Our lobby is going to be closing soon, so my manager sends me out to vacuum the floor. There are a number of customers seated, eating, so my vacuuming will be limited to the places where no one is seated. The vacuum is old, and practically worthless in terms of cleaning, but my manager insists that there isn’t money available for a new one.

As get started, I feel gas building, and I end up farting. It’s a long one, too. The sound is covered by the noisy vacuum, so I keep going.

As I vacuum my way past a customer, I can hear them utter a yelp of horror over the noise. They are staring at my vacuum with expressions of absolute horror and disgust.

One of them says to me, “The motor is burning out.”

I don’t confess, mostly because I’m too embarrassed. I just nod with a straight face and keep going, dragging the smell behind me. Five minutes later, the smell has permeated the entire lobby. In those five minutes, everyone has complained to the manager about the smell of the “vacuum,” and everyone clears out. It’s still fifteen minutes until we close our lobby, but no customers have remained to tough it out.

The manager comes out from behind the counter, and stops dead when he meets the wall of scent. He gives my vacuum the same look of horror and disgust, gestures for me to stop vacuuming, and sends me to do other duties.

A few days later, a brand new vacuum is mysteriously afforded, and the old one is disposed of.

I’ve never confessed.

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They’ll Be Spitting Blood Soon

, , , , | Working | September 27, 2018

(It is a week after I join an office environment, and the majority of my coworkers are extremely friendly. However, there is one coworker who seems a bit off. I am eating my tuna salad while on break one day when the strange coworker slowly walks up to me, in absolute silence. He then SPITS in my food. I instinctively throw my sauce-covered salad at him, and it spills everywhere.)

Me: *shouting* “WHAT THE H*** ARE YOU DOING?!”

Strange Coworker: “What the f*** did you do that for?! It was a joke, dumba**!”

(A manager and a coworker run in and see what happened. Before I can explain, the strange coworker speaks.)

Strange Coworker: “This dumb b**** threw her food at me! All I did was barely prank her!”

Manager: “Wait… What? What the h*** did you do for that response?”

Strange Coworker: “I spat in her food. I was going to buy her new food after, but she smacked me with a salad!”

Manager: “So, you did something disgusting to her own meal that she paid for, which she wouldn’t have known you would repay her, and even if you did repay her, that would waste her break. Did you never stop to consider if she was okay with this?!”

(He is now blushing and in silence. Eventually, another coworker speaks up:)

Coworker: “Actually, you did the same stuff to me when I was new! You would constantly waste my time, and whenever you had an angry caller, you would just pass them onto me with a lame excuse!”

Manager: “[Strange Coworker], I have received a lot of complaints about your lack of manners, and even discrimination. Now I have enough evidence to safely say, ‘You’re fired!’”

(The strange coworker started screaming profanities until he was removed by security. The manager extended my break and bought me some food. Luckily, the job was great after that, and he is still a joke we talk about to this day!)

Kicking Up A Stink

, , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(I work in a hotel. We get a call.)

Guest #1: *angrily* “Yes, hello? I thought that this was a non-smoking hotel.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is.”

Guest #1: “Then why do I smell smoke?!”

Me: “Pardon? In your room?”

Guest #1: “No, not in my room! It’s coming from the girls next door! I have asthma!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll send someone to investigate. I apologize.”

(I send a housekeeper to sniff around on the customer’s floor.)

Housekeeper: *returning* “There’s a strong smell of cigarettes in the hallway. It seems to be coming from [Room].”

Me: “Okay, thank you.” *calls up [Room]* “Hello. This is the front desk. There has been a complaint that your room smells of cigarettes. We are a non-smoking hotel and we will charge a fee if you do smoke in your room.”

Guest #2: “Excuse me?! We were not smoking in this room! We know that this is a non-smoking hotel and we would never smoke in here!”

Me: “Ma’am, I sent someone to investigate, and she says that she smelled it coming from your room.”

Guest #2: “Well, I don’t know how that would be! I am a smoker, yes, but I only do it in the designated places to smoke! What must’ve happened is that I went to smoke, and the smell blew back into my room, causing it to stink of cigarettes!”

Me: “Uh…”

(I’m trying to think of a nice way to say that this excuse is very unlikely.)

Guest #2: “Or, maybe it’s because on the car trip here, my friend and I were smoking very heavily in the car, and all of our bags absorbed the smell!”

(This is a better excuse, because even though I do not smoke, I have been around people who do, and I know the smell gets absorbed very quickly and lingers on everything.)

Me: “I see. Well, let me turn this over to the manager.”

(I got the manager, and the guest continued to insist that she and her friend did not smoke in her room. Meanwhile, I got three more calls complaining of the cigarette stench. After reviewing the security tapes, we saw that the girl and her friend weren’t smoking in her room, but in the HALLWAY outside the room, which is also not allowed. However, the girl and her friend put up such a “stink” that the manager caved and didn’t charge them. The housekeepers had to clean the hallway.)

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