What Is Meant By Spit And Polish

, , , , | Right | September 25, 2019

(I’ve been working in this jewelry store for a while, so I’m usually able to tell when a customer has a ring size that is larger than our regular size seven. A customer comes in and asks to see a white sapphire bridal set. Her ring finger is obviously quite larger than a seven.)

Me: “If you get the protection plan on this, resizing the ring will be free for life, no matter how many times it needs to be done.”

Customer: “Oh, don’t worry dear! It’ll fit!” *shoves the rings onto her finger with a bit of difficulty* “See?!”

Me: “Um, sure! Was there anything else you wanted to look at?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, there was something down this way…” *tries to take the rings off, but they’re really jammed* “Maybe I’ll use lotion to get it off…”

Me: “We’d rather you didn’t, as lotion really gunks up the ring. We actually use glass cleaner spray to help get rings off, if you’d like to try that first.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I can get it off.”

(She spits on her hand and all over the rings. She then wrenches them off her finger and tries to hand them back to me.)

Customer: “There we go!”

Me: *placing display pad closer to her* “You can just set them down there; I’ll put them back a bit later…”

(The customer wound up buying the rings after I cleaned them thoroughly. My employee had to go into the break room to keep from laughing.)

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Donation Frustration

, , , , | Right | September 22, 2019

My sister works at a thrift store where the things they sell come from donations and the money they make goes to help the homeless, providing food, shelter, and jobs. Unfortunately, many people seem to view donating as a way to get rid of their trash. Some of the things my sister has seen donated include:

Empty CD cases. Once, a whole tote of them that she had to go through, check, and throw away.

Old mail, with the address and name still on it.

Jelly beans mixed in with the rest of the donated items.

Chewed gum in the bottom of a purse.

Old furniture that was so messed up or rusted that no one would buy it. The donator then usually asks if they can leave it for the store to throw away, which costs the store money.

My sister now appreciates anyone who asks to make sure something is worth donating.

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Sometimes Loved Ones Can Talk Real Crap

, , , , , | Romantic | September 17, 2019

(My boyfriend has to have emergency surgery to remove an abscess in his a**. As he recently moved here he doesn’t have a place of his own and is staying with me, which is handy as he does need some help to look after the wound. As he needs to shower after every time he poops and I’m the one who washes his wound, I often wait in the bathroom for him to finish. He has been feeling down with all this, so I start give him a hug while he is on the loo.)

Boyfriend: “Why don’t you find this uncomfortable or disgusting?”

Me: “You’re not pooping out of this end.”

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Dirty Behavior Is On The Cards

, , , | Right | September 16, 2019

(I work in a print shop. I’m bringing a customer his order to the front counter, where another order for a different customer was left by my boss. When I get to the counter, I see that he’s manhandling a custom playing card deck, trying to keep the rubber band in place while folding over the cards to look at the back.)

Me: “Excuse me, that’s another customer’s order. Could you please not do that?!”

Customer: “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.”

(I gave him a look, reconsidered losing my cool with him, and swapped the cards out of his hands for his actual order. That’s when I noticed that he had the dirtiest hands I’d ever seen. I simply walked into the back and let my boss deal with the rest of the transaction. I had to reprint the other customer’s order because he had creased the cards and put oily smudges all over them.)

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Maybe It Was A Unicorn Frap

, , , , | Romantic | September 12, 2019

(My partner is the only one who drinks coffee, and she only drinks one cup. To avoid waste, we pour the excess into an ice tray and freeze it. She’ll pop these cubes into her hot chocolate. I use the ice trays to make cheap popsicles. Today, she makes the hot chocolate and stirs in the cube.)

Partner: “Blech! Who knew that frozen coffee could go bad?”

Me: “Well, throw it out. Want me to make you a fresh coffee?”

Partner: “I guess so. Yuck. It turned pink.”

Me: “Pink? Like popsicle pink?”

(Very long pause.)

Partner: “We shall never speak of this again.”

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