Don’t Get That Mixed Up With The Coffee

, , , | Healthy | December 25, 2018

(A worried-looking woman rushes into the vet’s waiting room, pulls out a double-bagged yellow liquid, and tries to hand it to the receptionist.)

Woman: “IS THIS A NORMAL COLOR FOR MY CAT’S URINE?!”

(It was.)

You Got Blood On Your Hands

, , , , , , , | Right | December 21, 2018

I am a cashier at a pharmacy, and we get a lot of unsavory characters. An older man walks in and comes to my counter to complain about a battery he bought for his blood sugar tester. Since it’s a new battery, I can only conclude that the plastic is still on. Lo and behold, I open it up and the plastic is still on.

He thanks me profusely and I wish him a good day, thinking that he is satisfied and will be on his way. He puts a test strip in the machine and takes his blood sugar at the counter. I ask him to please wait until he gets home. He says, no, no it’s fine; this will only take a minute. I again plead with him not to do it because it is very unsanitary to have blood on or around my counter. He argues with me the whole time, and when he finishes I make sure he puts his test strip in the garbage himself; I hold the can up for him since it’s behind the counter.

He starts to get angry at me, saying that it’s no big deal and I’m being dramatic. In my head I say, yes, I am being dramatic that a total stranger is pricking himself on the finger, squeezing blood on a test strip, and had to be coerced to even dispose of it properly. After he leaves, still upset, I make sure I grab the disinfectant wipes and clean every part of that counter.

You Say Tomato; I Say Oh, No

, , , , , | Right | December 17, 2018

(It’s the middle of a fairly busy lunch. A furious customer storms up to the counter, where I am waiting to take orders.)

Customer: *yelling* “I don’t know if you made messed this up on purpose or if you just don’t care if your customers’ orders are right or not!”

Me: “I’m sorry; let me get a manager.”

Manager: “What was wrong with your order?”

Customer: “I wanted more mayonnaise than this, and I didn’t want tomato!”

(He takes the slice off his sandwich to prove his point.)

Manager: “I’m really sorry about that; I’ll tell the kitchen to remake it right away.”

(He leaves, and I remain with the customer. My hands are on the counter.)

Customer: “Here: you can take your sandwich!”

(To my surprise, he literally smacks the sandwich, which is half-eaten, onto the back of my hand. Before I can react…)

Customer: “Oh, here: you can take your tomato back, too. I don’t need it!”

(He dropped the tomato onto the sandwich, which was still on my hand, and returned to his seat.)

Crying Over Spoiled Milk

, , , , , | Right | December 14, 2018

(My manager and I are in the break room when another associate comes in. She looks irritated.)

Me: “Hey, [Associate], what’s up?”

Associate: “I just need a minute.”

Manager: “Are you ill?”

Associate: “No, just… people.”

Me: “What happened?”

Associate: “A lady just went off on customer service for refusing her exchange.”

Me: “What was she trying to exchange?”

Associate: “Spoiled milk.”

Manager: *sits forward, concerned* “Spoiled? I’ll contact the dairy department and have—”

Associate: “She left it in the car for two weeks. Apparently, it was pretty swollen when she found it.”

Manager: “Oh. Yeah, sorry… No.”

(We hear an announcement on the headset:)

Announcer: “Clean-up to the grocery entrance with a mop and bucket. A customer said some lady drove by and threw… milk? …out the window of her car, and it exploded.”

He Has A Spit Personality

, , , , | Right | December 12, 2018

(I am in college, around the turn of the century. I work as a lab operator in the computer labs, keeping an eye on things and helping students. One of the labs that I work in most frequently is located within the library. A student approaches me holding a soda cup and asks for help with… something.)

Me: “Sure, I can help with that; let’s go take a look. But first, I have to tell you that no food or drink is allowed in any computer lab, let alone the library.”

Student: “Oh, it’s okay. It’s just my spit cup.”

(Sadly, I was too young, timid, and shocked to kick him out, or even to explain that a cup full of spit and chewing tobacco would actually be worse to clean out of a computer keyboard. I just let him set it down nearby and helped him with Excel or whatever it was.)

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