How Em-Bra-assing, Part 7

, , , | Right | July 18, 2020

I work at a large cellular company in customer service. I get a call from a woman who is upset her phone stopped working. The phone has an internal piece of paper called a liquid indicator that is red after I ask her to check it, meaning that somehow, the phone got wet.

Me: “Have you ever dropped it or gotten it wet to the best of your knowledge?”

Keep in mind that I’m talking to her in July in the dead of summer.

Caller:Nope! I always keep it safe in my bra.”

Me: “Is it hot where you live?”

Caller: “Shoot, yeah! It’s hotter than Hell!”

Me: “Do you spend a lot of time inside or are you outside a lot?”

Caller: “My air conditioning is broke and I’m sweating like crazy every day!”

Finally, after PRAYING TO GOD I won’t have to say this to a grown woman, I say…

Me: “Is your bra dry at the end of the day?”

I look behind me and all three of my female coworkers look at me like I’M FREAKING NUTS.

Caller: “Well, shoot, no. It’s drenched…”

And FINALLY, THE DIM LITTLE LIGHTBULB turned on. She got quiet and finally asked when her upgrade was next available. 

Related:
How Em-Bra-assing, Part 6
How Em-Bra-assing, Part 5
How Em-Bra-assing, Part 4
How Em-Bra-assing, Part 3
How Em-Bra-assing, Part 2

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Ear-Waxing Lyrical About Bad Service, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | July 16, 2020

We are currently slammed with only two registers open because a coworker called out. I have asked everyone in the return line to please join the regular line since neither of us is in the customer service area.

A young female walks up to my register with a return.

Me: “Hi, how are you? 

Customer: “I’m great! I just wanted to return these headphones because I found better ones at a new store!” 

She provides me with a receipt and after I scan the barcodes, she gives me the headphones that, from the receipt, she bought roughly a month ago. I begin inspecting them and notice a large amount of ear wax accumulated in each earbud.

Me: “Uh, these were used quite a lot; did they stop working?” 

Customer: “Oh, no! I just found something better somewhere else.” 

Me: “Well, unfortunately, we can’t accept returns on used merchandise. I have to deny your return.” 

She raises her voice.

Customer: “I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU CAN’T RETURN THEM! MAYBE YOU ARE NEW, BUT I WANT MY MONEY BACK!” 

Me: “No, ma’am. I’ve worked here for several years and the return policy states we cannot return used, washed, or altered merchandise, and because the earphones you are returning clearly have a large amount of earwax in them, I cannot return them for hygienic reasons, such as being used.”

She snatches the earphones off my counter.

Customer: “WELL, YOU JUST LOST MY BUSINESS AND I’LL MAKE SURE YOU LOSE YOUR JOB!” 

I still work at my job and she never complained.

Related:
Ear-Waxing Lyrical About Bad Service

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Extra Salty Recipes

, , , , , | Right | July 13, 2020

The phone rings; I answer.

Me: “[Bookstore], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I was wondering if you guys have a book in stock. It’s called Cooking With [Word I’m sure I heard wrong].”

Me: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

He does, and again, I am sure I’ve heard him wrong.

Me: “Could you please spell that last word?”

Customer: “S-E-M-E-N. I want to get it for my girlfriend for her birthday.”

I am confused and pretty sure this is a prank, but I still stay professional.

Me: “That’s not something we have in stock, but do you want me to see if I can order it for you?

Customer: *Surprised* “That would be great, thanks!”

I looked it up, and sure enough, it’s a real book but is only available digitally. I explained what information I found and he was super grateful. Apparently, we were the fifth bookstore he called, and I was the only person who didn’t hang up on him!

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Parenting Problems Are Licked

, , , , , , | Right | July 12, 2020

As part of the measures to protect employees and shoppers from a certain illness, our supermarket has decided to add to the cleaning; there’s a person that goes round continuously wiping down “touchpoints,” i.e., keypads, basket handles, and freezer door handles. There’s a rota for this for regular staff, and today’s my day.

I’m going down the frozen aisle, cleaning the freezers, when…

Customer: “NO! DON’T!”

I turn to see a very exasperated-looking mother holding her young child who has clearly just licked the freezer divider glass.

Customer: “For God’s sake! You’re gonna get sick by doing that! And make other people sick, too! Honestly! Next time, I’ll… I’ll… I don’t know! But I’ll do something!” 

She dragged her kid off whilst muttering. I liberally sprayed the glass that the child had just licked.

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Being Handsome Can Cover Many Offenses

, , , , | Related | July 4, 2020

My mom and I are watching a movie where some good-looking guy is crazy and is sniping off people in a tower while cackling. He gets up to use a bottle and pees in it madly with an insane grin.

Mom: “Ew… did he just pee in the bottle??”

Me: “Yeah.”

Mom: “Disgustang!

Me: “That’s what disgusts you?!”

Mom: “Well, the shooting people part is gross, too. But [Actor] is cute so…” *trails off, mumbling*

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