Piddle Me This

, , , , , | Healthy | October 9, 2019

(I work at a very busy veterinary hospital, and due to the volume of clients and the fact that we are near a highway, we have a “dogs on leashes, cats in carriers” rule to keep everyone safe. People often carry in small dogs, though, and today a woman sets her puppy down and lets it run around the lobby.)

Coworker: “Hi! I’m sorry, but could you please pick your puppy up? She’s very cute, but sometimes we get dogs in that don’t like other dogs.”

Woman: *scoffs* “I don’t let her run around. She had to pee, and it was either on me or on your floor.”

(Outside in the big grassy areas dividing the parking lot was, apparently, not an option. We get animals that piddle on the floor for a variety of reasons throughout the day, but I don’t think it’s ever been quite THIS intentional.)

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Will Call Out An A-Pee-B On Her

, , , , | Right | October 8, 2019

Employee #1: “Hey, remember that woman we wouldn’t do EBT for?”

Me: “Yes…”

Employee #1: “She’s peeing on the sidewalk out front.”

Employee #2: *walking in from a delivery* “Hey, some lady is poppin’ a squat out front.”

(I went outside to investigate. By the time I got out there, she was jumping in the car — where her young child was waiting — and trying to pull out of the parking lot. I pretended to try to obtain her license plate number, causing her to reverse all the way down the parking lot and pull out as fast as possible, nearly taking out another car.)

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Those Brownies Will Become Greenies

, , , , , , | Related | October 2, 2019

(When I’m in eighth grade, my class does a large project for what is a combination bake sale and running a small business. We do months of work to plan, design business cards, create stock emails, sell stocks to teachers and other students, and calculate everything from unit costs to how much we’ll need to earn to break even. The only fun part of this entire ordeal is selling our baked goods, which is scheduled to happen on a Friday. Then, a few days before the sale, I come down with the worst case of the flu I have ever had. Even though I’ve been out of school all week, I’m determined to go and sell my brownies, even if I have to sit on the floor wrapped in a blanket and holding a bucket. On the morning of the bake sale, however, I’m bent double over the toilet, insisting between retches that I can go to school.)

Mom: “For the last time, you are not going to school like this!”

Me: “But I—“ *vomits into toilet* “—have to! I—“ *gags again* “I can’t miss this! This is literally the only fun part of the entire project!” *vomits again*

Mom:No! You’re throwing up and you have a fever of a hundred and three! I’ll bring the brownies to school for you and see if someone else can sell them for you.”

Me: “But I need to—“ *gags* “—sell—“ *gags again*

Mom: No! You are staying home today!”

(She eventually managed to convince me — however begrudgingly — to stay home. She got a friend of mine to sell the brownies for me alongside her own treats. To this day, I’m put out that I got so sick that I wasn’t able to sell my brownies.)

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A Sick Fantasy

, , , , , | Healthy | October 1, 2019

(I work in a childcare centre. Every ten minutes we have to check on the sleeping children in the nursery to make sure they are still alive and breathing. A coworker who is quiet, sweet, and very unsure of herself does the check and comes out of one of the cot rooms to say:)

Coworker: “[Child] has thrown up a little.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Do you want to clean it up, or do the washing up I was about to do and let me clean it up?”

Coworker: “Ah, I’d like to do the washing up if you don’t mind.”

Me: “Sure thing.” 

(I go grab what I will need –gloves, washcloths, bag for clothes, etc. — and walk into the room. The child has projectile vomited in her sleep; it is EVERYWHERE and the child is still asleep. The sheets need to be thrown out, the cot has to be disinfected, and the child needs a bath — it is in her hair and in her socks. I walk up to that coworker later.)

Me: “Um, [Coworker]…”

Coworker: “Yes?”

Me: “You led me down a bit of a fantasy there by saying it was a little bit of vomit.”

(She and the other coworkers in the staff room lost it with laughter.)

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Anti-Vaxxers Aren’t The Only Stupid Ones

, , , , , , | Healthy | September 25, 2019

I worked in a building catering to various businesses at the time and we were informed that a few people within the building had recently come down with hepatitis and we should pay extra attention to hygiene. I’m usually a bit casual about it but I took this one seriously. I don’t remember the type, but it was one that you could get vaccinated for. 

One day, I noticed that we were out of soap but my concern was laughed at. The next day, I saw a coworker leaving the toilets without washing her hands. I confronted her. I was flabbergasted when she replied, “Oh, no. It is not a problem; I’m vaccinated.”‘ 

I know she just resigned to go work in a café, and for health and safety, those vaccines are mandatory. I just checked which café it was again — not out of interest, but just to make sure I don’t wander into it by accident.

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