(A guy with a dog walks up to our car park.)

Guy: “Can I bring my dog in here so it can take a dump?”

Me: “Sorry, we can’t allow you to do that. Plus, you don’t even look like you’re carrying anything to clean up the mess.”

Guy: “No, I’m not carrying anything to clean it up so you’ll have to do that. My dog needs to go to the toilet. You’re not being very helpful here.”

Me: “Sorry, I’m just here to direct people to where they need to park.”

Guy: “Look, my dog needs to go to the toilet and I’m bringing it in.”

Coworker: “Look, you bloody moron. This is a car park, not a god-d*** toilet! Take your dog and piss off!”

Guy: “You are not being very helpful at all! I’m going to go and issue a complaint against you but after I bring my dog in here and let it do its business!”

Coworker: “You bring your dog in here and we’ll have you fined. This car park is located on government property and allowing a dog to go to the toilet carries a fine.”

Guy: “It’s people like you who are what is wrong with the world!”

This story is part of our Even-Crazier-Pet-Owners roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Hilarious Stories About Taking Your Cat To The Vet!

Read the next Even-Crazier-Pet-Owners roundup story!

Read the Even-Crazier-Pet-Owners roundup!

Customer: “I need to return these bladder control pads. They won’t work for me.”

Me: “Sorry, you can no longer return anything of that nature to this store.”

Customer: “Why?!”

Me: “Not only has it been opened, but you used a pad and put it back in the package.”

Customer: “I didn’t use it! I only tried it on!”

(I work in a deli, and the new girl gets a call about party trays; she hands the phone to me.)

Me: “Okay, sir. Sorry about the wait. Do you know which tray you want?”

Male Caller: “I just need some information about party trays.”

Me: “All right, what would you like to know?”

Male Caller: “How many should I order for a bachelorette party with eight women for six hours? They’re hiring me to be the entertainment, and they’re paying me $300 to be a garbage disposal. They said they’ll go out and get more if I don’t bring enough. Would you?”

Me: “Would I… What?”

Male Caller: “If you were paying me $300 to be the entertainment and garbage disposal, how long do you think it would last? I want to know what I’m in for. They’re gonna put me in a dress and makeup and tie me up and feed me the leftovers to see how much I can hold. Would you?”

Me: “No, I wouldn’t. Sir… I–”

Male Caller: “No, if you were paying me $300 to be entertainment and the garbage disposal and put me in a dress and tie me up so I couldn’t get out… They’re going to pay me a $150 dollar bonus to take a vacuum cleaner and hook it up to me and vacuum. I want to know what I’m in for.”

Me: “Sir, with all due respect–”

Male Caller: “Would you?”

Me: “Let me transfer you to my manager. He might be able to help you.”

Male Caller: *click*

(A customer walks into the video rental store, clearly confused.)

Customer: “Where can I rent some condoms?”

Me: “… try the grocery store. We rent movies only.”

Customer: “But, don’t you guys… umm… cater to that kind of customer?”

Me: “Not my job to know, sir. Personally, I would never sell them here, let alone rent them.”

Customer: “That’s because you’re a stupid Catholic who’s not going to get laid until you are married! F*** YOU AND YOUR F***ING MORALS!”

Me: “I am going to have to ask you to leave, sir. Your behavior is unacceptable in this store.”

(The customer suddenly grabs the fliers on the counter for the upcoming movies, throws them everywhere, and then sprints out.)

Customer: “Oh, I almost forgot… I need a lighter.”

Me: “All right. Well, here are the various ones we have.” *points at lighters*

Customer: “Can you pick one out for me?”

Me: “Sure thing, sir. Any particular design or color you like?”

Customer: “Clear, just like my underwear.”

This story is part of the Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup!

Read the next Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup story!

Read the Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup!