Some Caffeinated Banana Drama

, , , , | Working | November 17, 2017

(It is summer and I am sitting in a café. I love iced coffee. They don’t have it on the menu, but they do have coffee and ice cream. In Germany, an iced coffee is cold coffee with vanilla ice cream in it and whipped cream on top. So, I think I’ll just ask if they would make one for me. Worth a shot, right? The waitress shows up and I ask her.)

Waitress: “Yes, no problem. I sure could make one for you.”

Me: “Awesome, thank you!”

Waitress: “Which kind of ice cream would you like in it?”

Me: *confused* “Uh… Vanilla?””

Waitress: “I’m sorry, we only have banana and strawberry.”

Me: “Yeah… I think I’ll just have a coffee. Thanks.”

(I appreciated the thought, but seriously, iced banana coffee? Yuck.)

H2-Woah, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | November 15, 2017

(I run a private computer store associated with a larger company. We see a lot of customers each day with issues using their cell phones. Many have changed something on the device that they were not aware of, and it requires us to scroll through a number of different settings on the device to troubleshoot. This happens while I am helping a lady who appears to be in her 60s.)

Customer: “Do you by chance have a water fountain?”

Me: “No, but will a bottle of water do?”

(I keep water in our refrigerator for personal use; I usually buy bulk packs of mini bottles. I get a bottle of water from the back room, hand it to her, and bend over to the counter to look closely at the phone settings once again. She starts drinking from the bottle, standing directly opposite me, and basically right on top of me as I check her phone. She then gets some water down the wrong pipe, and does the biggest cough and spit take you have ever seen, showering me, the counter, and her phone. I take it all in stride, clean up what I can with a roll of paper towels we keep behind the counter, and get her taken care of the best I can, and she leaves.)

Coworker: “You have got the be the most composed person I have ever seen! She was shooting water out her nose, even! If it would have been me, I would have told her I had to go home and take a shower after that!”

(I didn’t really need to hear that part. Bonus points: she never said she was sorry!)

H2-Woah, Part 3
H2-Woah, Part 2

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No Clean Way To End This

, , , , | Right | November 13, 2017

(My motel uses cleaning chemicals to clean each room, and one day a fussy customer takes offense to it.)

Customer: “Can you tell the maids not to use those awful chemicals to clean my room? I have allergies!”

Me: “Okay, so, you don’t want your room cleaned, then?”

Customer:No, I want it cleaned; I just don’t want those awful perfumes and stink in my room! Can you do something?!”

(I get the manager when she starts screaming, I explain, and the manager and the customer argue back and forth for a bit. She huffs off and the manager tells the housekeepers not to use chemicals to clean. Later, the customer returns, calmer.)

Customer: “The housekeepers did a good job. Tell them thank you. But it smells like feet now.”

Me: “I will.”

(A week later, the customer checked out. The housekeeper told me that the customer’s room smelled so much like dirty hair and cigarettes — we are non smoking — it was unsellable.)

Pie Down Do Your Last Digit

, , , , , , , | Related | November 12, 2017

Son: “Hey, Mom! You’re never going to believe what [Best Friend] just told me!”

Me: “Do I really want to hear this?”

Son: “Probably not, but I’m telling you, anyway. You know that one scene in ‘American Pie?'”

Me: “You mean the pie?”

Son: “Yep. Well, last night [Best Friend] got home right after his mom left for work, and she’d made him a pie…”

Me: “I do not want to hear any more!”

Could Only Happen In A Comic

, , , , , | Right | November 8, 2017

(I am the collections buyer for a comic book store. This involves going through however many comics the customer brings us. I ALWAYS tell the customer they are not going to get market value for their comics, and I give them options of where they can go to get market value, or close to it, for their comics. One day I am with a repeat customer. We get on well and chat away while I am checking his collection. Halfway through, a teenager comes up to me and thrusts a handful of comics in my face. Literally, he is holding them in his hands. They are dripping with moisture. The pages are dark brown, bits are falling off, and all I can smell now is mold and acid.)

Customer: “How much for these?”

Me: “Nothing. I’m not going to buy them off of you.”

Customer: “How much? They’re comics!”

Me: “Sir, they are falling apart! They are unreadable.”

Customer: “How much will you buy them for?”

Me: “If I buy those off of you, my bosses will fire me within the hour.”

Customer: “You have to buy them! They’re comics!”

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