You Say Tomato; I Say Oh, No

, , , , , | Right | December 17, 2018

(It’s the middle of a fairly busy lunch. A furious customer storms up to the counter, where I am waiting to take orders.)

Customer: *yelling* “I don’t know if you made messed this up on purpose or if you just don’t care if your customers’ orders are right or not!”

Me: “I’m sorry; let me get a manager.”

Manager: “What was wrong with your order?”

Customer: “I wanted more mayonnaise than this, and I didn’t want tomato!”

(He takes the slice off his sandwich to prove his point.)

Manager: “I’m really sorry about that; I’ll tell the kitchen to remake it right away.”

(He leaves, and I remain with the customer. My hands are on the counter.)

Customer: “Here: you can take your sandwich!”

(To my surprise, he literally smacks the sandwich, which is half-eaten, onto the back of my hand. Before I can react…)

Customer: “Oh, here: you can take your tomato back, too. I don’t need it!”

(He dropped the tomato onto the sandwich, which was still on my hand, and returned to his seat.)

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Crying Over Spoiled Milk

, , , , , | Right | December 14, 2018

(My manager and I are in the break room when another associate comes in. She looks irritated.)

Me: “Hey, [Associate], what’s up?”

Associate: “I just need a minute.”

Manager: “Are you ill?”

Associate: “No, just… people.”

Me: “What happened?”

Associate: “A lady just went off on customer service for refusing her exchange.”

Me: “What was she trying to exchange?”

Associate: “Spoiled milk.”

Manager: *sits forward, concerned* “Spoiled? I’ll contact the dairy department and have—”

Associate: “She left it in the car for two weeks. Apparently, it was pretty swollen when she found it.”

Manager: “Oh. Yeah, sorry… No.”

(We hear an announcement on the headset:)

Announcer: “Clean-up to the grocery entrance with a mop and bucket. A customer said some lady drove by and threw… milk? …out the window of her car, and it exploded.”

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He Has A Spit Personality

, , , | Right | December 12, 2018

(I am in college, around the turn of the century. I work as a lab operator in the computer labs, keeping an eye on things and helping students. One of the labs that I work in most frequently is located within the library. A student approaches me holding a soda cup and asks for help with… something.)

Me: “Sure, I can help with that; let’s go take a look. But first, I have to tell you that no food or drink is allowed in any computer lab, let alone the library.”

Student: “Oh, it’s okay. It’s just my spit cup.”

(Sadly, I was too young, timid, and shocked to kick him out, or even to explain that a cup full of spit and chewing tobacco would actually be worse to clean out of a computer keyboard. I just let him set it down nearby and helped him with Excel or whatever it was.)

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Flushing His Job Down The Drain

, , , , , | Working | December 6, 2018

(I’m a housing officer for the council, and part of my role includes checking bed and breakfast accommodation provided as a temporary measure to homeless families to make sure the hotels are up to standard. Normally, this is more a formality than anything, and the couple of hotels we use regularly all know me and let me get on with it. On this occasion, I go to reception and ask them to contact the people we have placed so I can then go and do the room checks; instead, the manager says he will take me up to each room and let me in if there is no answer. The first two rooms get checked with no problem. At the third, no one answers, so after knocking, the manager enters the room.)

Me: “Oh, it looks like there’s a leak in the bathroom; the carpet around the door is soaked!”

(We knock and then open the bathroom door. The toilet seat and lid is down, but water is clearly flowing down the outside of the toilet bowl onto the floor, and the floor is covered in a layer of water.)

Hotel Manager: *stepping into the puddle in his normal work shoes* “I’ll fix that!”

(He then proceeded to flush the already overflowing toilet without even opening the lid to see what might be causing the problem or what might come out. His look of consternation and slight panic as the flush predictably caused a small tidal wave to cross the floor and splash God knows what up his legs was the highlight of my day. Not sure we’ll be using them again!)

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The Worst Noodle Cup Flavor Ever

, , , , , , | Right | November 20, 2018

I am working the front desk at a veterinary hospital when a man comes in to tell us that he has discovered worms in his dog’s stool. He wants us to test the sample he has brought.

The problem is that he’s brought the sample in a dirty noodle cup because “that’s all he had at the time.” I tell him that we cannot accept the sample but that we’d be happy to test another.

He then tells me it will be a long time before he can bring another in, because he’ll have to go looking for the worms again.

I wind up having to get one of the vet techs to explain to the man that we examine for eggs under a microscope, not visible worms, and that under no circumstances can we accept a sample that is sitting in noodle sauce. I’m not sure he ever understood.

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