You’re In Deep S*** Now

, , , , , | Working | September 6, 2019

(I work at an amusement park over the summer. I have recently been trained on an eight-ball-themed spinning ride, like an adult version of the children’s teacup ride.)

Me: *starting my shift* “Hey, [Coworker #1]!”

Coworker #1: “Hey. You have to clean up ball number twelve; I think someone s*** in it.”

(My coworker leaves me to investigate the ball in question. I walk over and get hit by the stench. It’s awful. I end up having to plug my nose to keep from gagging. I spray the ball down, put some kitty litter in it to clean, then leave the ball to let the litter do its magic. It begins raining, and I end up not being able to finish cleaning, as my break is early. Another coworker comes to take my shift.)

Me: “Hey, the rain’s letting up, but don’t let people use ball twelve. There’s feces on the seat.”

Coworker #2: “Gotcha.”

(I go on break, and return an hour later.)

Me: “Have any trouble with ball twelve?”

Coworker #2: “No, although someone said they threw up in it.”

Me: “Did you let people ride it?!”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, was there a problem with it?”

(We go over to investigate. Lo and behold, there is both puke and feces all over the ball. It’s mixed with rainwater now, making the whole thing a sloshy mess.)

Coworker #2: “I’m going on break. Have fun!”

(I quit a month later.)

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Prepare To Be Pee’d Off

, , , , , , | Learning | August 31, 2019

(I am working with a group of kids that I have only worked with once before. I get stuck in the room with a new employee and twelve three-year-olds. Towards the end of an extremely hectic day I need to use the restroom.)

Me: *to coworker* “Hey, I’m going to go use the restroom really quick. Will you be okay while I’m gone?”

Coworker: “Yeah! Go right ahead.”

(Not even five minutes later, I walk back into the room. The room has been torn apart completely, but that’s not the worst thing I see. One of the three-year-old boys is sitting in a chair without pants on.)

Me: “Hey, [Three-Year-Old], what are you doing?”

Three-Year-Old: “I peed!”

Me: “Oh, yeah? Where did you pee?”

(The child points to a puddle of pee in the middle of the room; his clothes are sitting in the middle of it.)

Me: “Um, [Coworker], did you notice that [Three-Year-Old] is naked and has peed on the floor?”

(My coworker obviously has been sitting in the corner with one child on her lap, ignoring the eleven other children in the room.)

Coworker: “What happened?”

(Let’s just say that I hope I never work with her again!)

 

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When It Becomes No Longer Coffee

, , , , , | Right | August 29, 2019

(It is in the middle of a rush. A customer orders three black coffees with fifteen sugars on the side. I prepare everything and hand it out the window.)

Me: “Three coffees with fifteen sugars.”

(The passenger looks at the pile of sugar in the drink tray.)

Passenger: “Yeah. I’m going to need five more sugars.”

Me: “Not a problem!”

(I get the sugar and hand it out.)

Passenger: “Is there any cream in these?”

Me: “No, ma’am. They were not ordered with cream.”

Passenger: “Well, I’m going to need fifteen of those. Put them in a bag.”

(I put the cream in a small bag and hand it out. Satisfied, the car leaves. The next car pulls up.)

Next Customer: *jokingly as I hand out the bag* “Yeah. I’m going to need fifty sugars.”

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He’s Living His Pipe Dream

, , , | Working | August 28, 2019

(I work in an office with multiple restroom-blocks. One day, one is closed off due to a leak. A plumber comes and I happen to be the one to welcome him as a receptionist. The plumber goes to work, finds the leak, and fixes the leak. He has to change some pipes and comes down hauling the broken pipes.)

Me: “Whoa, that must’ve been one leak!”

Plumber: “Yeah, it was huge! Look at it!”

(He enthusiastically shows me the hole on the pipe, holding it very close to my face. Very close.)

Plumber: “You see this brown thick layer? That’s human poop. This has been accumulating for years!”

(I saw a layer from about an inch thick, and the pipe was still very close to my face. I realise this was not something I wanted to know. I quickly handed the plumber the key to our dumpster to let him dispose of it. When he came back with the key, he proudly stated that he had never seen a layer of poop this thick. The good man was clearly enthusiastic and meant no harm, but I did feel the urge to shower for a day.)

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Poop Beats Rock, Paper, And Scissors  

, , , , , , | Right | August 27, 2019

As I come into work at the department store where I’m head of maintenance, I am greeted by my manager telling me that this is a rock, paper, scissors type of incident, and then he leads me upstairs. I am very confused until I see a customer with his pants around his ankles, bent over, pooping.   

He methodically goes along a good distance… pooping. Then, security arrives on the scene. This man continues pooping. I observe that he’s been storing this up for a special occasion.  

Eventually, the police arrive. We all stand around until he finishes. I have to clean up. Not a great way to start my shift.

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