Couldn’t Make The Complaint Fly

, , , , , | Working | June 26, 2018

(This happens to my friend one day when he goes to a fast food restaurant known for serving breakfast foods alongside normal burgers and stuff all day. He is a big fan of their tacos and orders a couple of them on this visit. After getting back to his table, he brushes off the lettuce and finds a dead fly in one of his tacos. He takes a picture of the offending fly, then takes his taco up to ask for a new one.)

Friend: “Hey, man, I just found a dead fly in my taco. Can I get a new one?”

Worker: *takes taco back into the kitchen for a moment, then comes back with the same taco, minus one fly* “I didn’t see any flies on there.”

Friend: “Um, did I mention I took a picture of it?” *pulls out his phone and pulls up the picture of what is very obviously a dead fly, wings and all*

Worker: “That just looks like a piece of ground beef to me.”

(The worker refused to give my friend a new taco. They lost my business, since now I can’t even think of the restaurant without feeling nauseated. Amazingly, my friend still goes there. He really likes their tacos. Now he always brushes off the lettuce and checks for flies before he eats them, though.)

Quite Fluffy About What’s In Her Coffee

, , , , , | Related | June 26, 2018

(My sister is drinking a coffee she’s left sitting for a few hours. She looks in the mug.)

Sister: “Wow, there’s a lot of fluff in here.”

(She sits there, mulling over her options.)

Sister: “Maybe if I stir it in, it’ll sink the bottom.”

(I watched in horror as she happily stirred and drank her dust-and-cat-hair coffee. I really hope one of us is adopted.)

Treating Your Colleagues Like Poop

, , , , | Working | June 25, 2018

(My coworker comes up and asks if the mail’s been sent out yet. I tell her it hasn’t, and she hands me a small cardboard envelope.)

Coworker: “Can you mail this out, please?”

Me: *taking it* “Sure. Ooh, it’s squishy.”

Coworker: “Yeah.” *laughs* “It’s a fecal sample.”

(With a look of horror, I drop the envelope on my desk, wildly wiping my hands off*.)

Coworker: *laughing* “It’s in something!”

Me: “Not enough somethings! God, [Coworker]!”

(Granted, I didn’t get anything on me, and it was perfectly sealed, but still! Warn a girl, jeez!)

A Totally Crap Present

, , , , , , | Healthy | June 24, 2018

I have to give a stool sample. I don’t have to go while I’m at the clinic, so I go home and bring it back later. Literally the only opaque bag I can find in the house is a gift bag… so I put the container in that.

I feel bad, but watching the nurse’s expression turn from delight to horror as she realizes I have not brought her a present is… pretty funny.

Otterly Disgusting

, , , , , , | Working | June 20, 2018

I took my daughter to the zoo. They have a family of otters and that particular day the otters were having a grand time. We noticed that a couple of them were doing a peculiar stamping dance move. I filmed it and pondered out loud if it was a mating ritual or play.

A zoo employee was nearby and said, “Actually, they’re going to the bathroom and covering it up.”

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