I Scream For More Ice Cream

| USA | Right | February 21, 2017

(I work as a server for the elderly residents.)

Resident: “What sort of ice cream is there?”

Me: “Vanilla, strawberry, and peach.”

Resident: “Chocolate?”

Me: “No chocolate.”

Resident: “You said chocolate!”

Me: “No, I said vanilla, strawberry, and peach.”

(She rolls her eyes and grudgingly orders vanilla. When I bring it out, she looks disgusted and asks the manager to come here.)

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Resident: “This is too little ice cream! I wanted more!”

Manager: *to me* “You must bring more ice cream to her next time.”

Me: “Okay. I was under the impression that she only wanted a bit, but okay.”

(The manager helps me scoop out more ice cream for her, and I resume my duties. Guess what I saw when I went to clear the resident’s plates after she left? A full bowl of untouched vanilla ice cream! Crotchety old bat.)

Not Part Of The IT Crowd

| MI, USA | Right | January 13, 2017

(Although I am an accountant, and in no way connected to the IT department, one of our residents is convinced that I’m the person he should come to with complaints about his Internet service. He often stops by my office to complain about slow speeds and connection issues. To be fair, I do look like a stereotypical IT guy, but I’ve told him repeatedly that I can’t fix his Internet problems.)

Resident: “…and when I was at my son’s house over the weekend, we hooked up the Roku, and got all the channels, at full speed… That administrator stopped by to tell me they were upgrading the speed last week, and NOTHING!…” *ramble, ramble, ramble, ramble*

Me: *nodding with glazed eyes*

Resident: “So ,what do you know about the Internet?”

Me: *snapping out of my trance* “It grew out of DARPA initiatives to connect defense department systems in the 1960s, was adopted by academia in the 1980s, and grew into the world wide web we now know in the early 1990s. And you can find a lot of cat pictures on it.”

Resident: “I meant about the Internet here.”

Me: “Nothing. I know nothing. You need to talk to the IT department.”

This Is A Shopping Emergency!

| MI, USA | Right | October 24, 2016

(I have just made a call to emergency services for a resident who is in a dire state. They respond in record time as I’ve called in ‘stat,’ meaning the person isn’t breathing or their heart isn’t functioning. The fire truck arrives first and parks in the middle of our parking lot, first responders leaping out and coming inside. I direct them where to go. A minute later, a woman leaves out the door after visiting her mother and then comes directly back in.)

Me: “Hello again, is something wrong?”

Woman: *angrily* “Yes, I can’t move my car! That truck is in the way!”

Me: “I’m sorry… the fire truck?”

Woman: “Yes, the fire truck! I have to get going! Can you have someone move it?!”

Me: “Umm, no? They’re upstairs dealing with a medical emergency. I can have someone come out and try to direct you out of the space.”

Woman: “Fine, just hurry up!”

(I get another staff member to go outside and try to direct her out, all the while fielding calls from the bosses about the emergency. The woman and my coworker come back in.)

Coworker: “There’s not enough room. You’ll have to wait, I’m sorry.”

Woman: “But I have to get going! I HAVE TO GO SHOPPING!”

Fear Of The Unknown

| NE, USA | Right | October 22, 2016

(I work the front desk and I frequently get calls about inquiries and a list calls wanting to know about our facility. I do not now many details if we can or cannot do certain things.)

Me: “[Retirement Home], this is [My Name] speaking; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m trying to find a place for my mother but it needs to be unknown.”

Me: “Are you asking for information about our facility but you don’t want your mother to know you that you’re inquiring?”

Customer: “Um, not really. I’m trying to find a place where no one knows where my mother is. Do you provide that?”

Me: “I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking for.”

Customer: “People try to steal from my mother. Do you provide a service that can prevent that?”

(I have no clue to what she is asking for and whether we can provide those services for her, I decide to “wing it.”)

Me: “I believe that we can provide those services, but I’m not sure what we would call them and everyone in sales is not currently in.”

Customer: “Um, okay, but you do provide those services?”

Me: “I believe we do.”

Customer: “…okay.” *click*

Contracting Expectations

| MI, USA | Right | September 23, 2016

(I’m the biller for an upscale retirement home. The children of some of our clients help pay for the expenses, and in this case, the children have just decided to stop helping financially.)

Daughter:  “So we’ll need to renegotiate my parents’ rent to something they can afford on their own.”

Me: “Unfortunately, our rates are not negotiable. And since your parents are already in the smallest unit, we don’t have an option that would be cheaper for them. You may need to find them a cheaper place to live.”

Daughter: “What?! I’m not moving them to some cut-rate hell-hole! We chose this place because it’s the best in town. My parents are planning to live here for the rest of their lives.”

Me: “And I’m planning to charge the contract rate for anyone living in that apartment. Guess which one of us is going to get what they want?”

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