The Fine Line Between Customer And Cuckoo

| | Right | January 5, 2008

Me: “Hi, can I help you find something?”

Lady Customer: “Yes, actually. You have this item that I want, but it looks like it’s been damaged.”

(Lady lifts up a portable DVD player that’s currently on sale. She pointed out a small tear in the box.)

Lady Customer: “Would you happen to have any more?”

Me: “Sure, I can check for you.” *checks our computer* “No, I’m sorry, it appears that you have the last one.”

Lady Customer: *angry* “Why don’t you have any more!?”

Me: “Well, it’s a great sale, so we’ve had a lot of people come in today to purchase it.”

Lady Customer: “Yes, but it’s ON. SALE. That means that it should be IN. STOCK.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but since it’s on sale, we’ve had a lot of people come in today to purchase it. The one that you have right now is still in good shape. The only problem with it is not the product, but the box itself.”

Lady Customer: “This is false advertising! Your ad said you had these, but you don’t! WHY!?”

Me: “Because if we had every on sale item overstocked to meet demand, our storage room would be impossible to traverse through…”

Lady Customer: “Fine, be a smart ass. I still want one from here either way. Call the store in [location] to drive one here so I can purchase it.”

Me: “… Excuse me?”

Lady Customer: “Call [location]…and tell them to bring me one…”

Me: “Um… first, we don’t have an outside line in my department. You would have to go to Guest Service. Second, they wouldn’t deliver a single item for one guest.”

Lady Customer: “Why the HELL not!?”

Me: “Because… I don’t think the Electronics specialist, currently busy handling his own department…would be very happy to have to get your item, drive his car 20 minutes, waste gas, and then deliver said item to you while you’re already holding said item in hand…”

Lady Customer: “THIS. IS. RIDICULOUS!”

Me: “We agree then.”

Lady Customer: *Infuriated* “I am NEVER coming to this STUPID F**KING STORE AGAIN! I’M GOING TO WALMART!”

Me: “Good luck Ma’am! I heard they have GREAT customer support, but I doubt they will meet to your demands.”

(Lady storms off.)

Another Customer: “What the f**k was her problem?”

Me: “…thank you…”

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At Least She Tried: Racism, Sexism AND Jesus

| | Right | January 4, 2008

Female customer, from 15 feet away: “Hey, you!”

Me: “Yes?”

(Customer comes over with her friends and a dirty soccer-ball shaped pillow.)

Female customer: “This is the last one and it’s dirty. I want 20% off!”

Me: “I’d like to give you a discount, but you’ll have to talk to one of my superiors. I don’t have the authority to do that.”

Female customer: *points towards the sky* “My only superior is up there, and He’s the only one who I take orders from. ”

Me: “Let me see if I can get a manager.”

(I call for a manager, and of course, no one shows up. After 10 minutes…)

Female customer: “Why can’t you give me a discount?”

Me: “Because I don’t have the authority.”

Female customer: “Well, I think you can’t give me a discount because you don’t believe in Jesus!”

Me: “You can take that item to the service desk, and I’m sure they’d be able to help you out.”

Female customer: “Yeah and we’ll stick out like a bunch of sore thumbs since we’re the only black people in the store!”

Me: “Actually, our store manager is African American, as well as two of our assistant managers, who are both women.”

Female customer: “Oh.” *she finally walks away*

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Mindless Consumerism, How I Love Thee

, , | | Right | January 2, 2008

Kid: “Mommy! Mommy! I want those shoes!”

Mom: “Why do you want those shoes?”

Kid: “Because everyone else is wearing them.”

Mom: “Wouldn’t you want to get something different and be more original?”

Kid: “No… then I wouldn’t be original like everyone else!”

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Just Wait Until Congress Hears About This

| | Right | December 27, 2007

Me: “Yes, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Well I need one of those things that go in back of my phone. What’s it called?”

Me: “I’m not sure what it is, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh yeah, I remember what it is. A stem cell…”

Me: “A what????”

Customer: “You know, a stem cell so I can make calls…the little card thing…”

(She was thinking of a SIM card; I died laughing when she left!)

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Sticking To Your Guns

| | Right | December 25, 2007

*customer hands over a tree skirt for her Christmas tree*

Customer: “Thats all! And I have a coupon…”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but it appears that the tree skirt is already on sale, so you can’t use the coupon.”

Customer: “Really? It doesn’t say anywhere that it’s on sale.”

Me: “Well, the ad that the coupon comes in also says that ‘All Christmas decorations’ are on sale for 30% off. Your coupon is for 40% off, so its not that big of a difference. It says on the coupon that you cannot use it on sale items…”

Customer: “Can’t you just give me the regular price and discount it with the coupon?”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re only losing out on…6 dollars. I really don’t want to lose my job over your 6 dollars.”

Customer: “I BELIEVE I’M BEING CHEATED! I’M NEVER SHOPPING AT THIS ESTABLISHMENT AGAIN!”

*customer comes back 2 hours later to buy the exact same tree skirt*

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