Too Lazy To Lather

| Toronto, Canada | Right | February 10, 2011

Customer: “I need help finding a soap with vanilla in it.”

(I help her and show her a few products. She picks up a bar of soap.)

Customer: “How do you use this one?”

Me: “Oh, it’s just like a normal bar of soap.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You know, like a normal soap bar? Um, like Dove or Irish Spring?”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “You take it into the shower with you, wet it, rub it all over, and rinse it off.”

Customer: “Oh. That sounds like too much work.” *puts soap down and walks away*

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Size Matters

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Right | February 9, 2011

(My job is just to fold/hang the clothes from the fitting rooms and put them back. A customer comes up to me with two identical shirts.)

Customer: “What’s the difference between a small and a medium?”

Me: “Um, the small is smaller than the medium?”

Customer: “I know that! Is there any other difference?”

Me: “Not really.”

Customer: “What kind of salesman are you? You don’t know that much about clothes.”

Me: “I don’t sell the clothes. I just fold them.”

Customer: “So you don’t know if there’s any difference?”

Me: “They’re the same thing. One is just smaller.”

(The customer hangs the medium on a rack, hangs the small in front of the medium. She compares the two shirts for a good 5 minutes before going with the small “because it’s smaller.”)

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Not So Sweet Sixteen

| Melbourne, Australia | Right | February 9, 2011

Customer: “Hi! I’m looking to buy an MP3 player for my daughter.”

Me: “Sure, what capacity were you looking at?”

Customer: “Hold on.”

(She takes out a sheet of paper with size specifications and a rather juvenile depiction of the device and hands it to me.)

Me: *laughs* “Aww, that’s cute! How old is your daughter?”

Customer: “Sixteen.”

Me: “Oh.”

Customer: “Oh, don’t worry! She’s a little kooky.”

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Give Customers A Piece Of Your Mind

| Dartmouth, NS, Canada | Right | February 8, 2011

(An irate customer is frustrated with my store’s return policy, and asks me to call my manager.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but she isn’t answering her cell phone or house number, but she’ll be in tomorrow if you want to try again then.”

Customer: “No! You get her on the phone now!”

Me: “I just called both of the numbers she provided, and she didn’t answer. That sort of leaves me with telepathy.”

Customer: “Well, could you try that?”

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Children Of The Corn Aisle

| Athens, GA, USA | Right | February 7, 2011

(A women comes in with six children. They are all whining, complaining, and touching everything they can find.)
 
Me: “Are they all yours?”
 
Customer: “Girl, you crazy!?” *she looks at the kids* “Two, Three and Five, raise your hands!”
 
(Three of the children raise their hands.)
 
Customer: “They’re my babies. The rest of these, I don’t know. They just follow me around!”

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