I’ll Need Some ID, And A Song…

| MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Funny Names, Money

(I work in retail in a small strip of stores in a relatively well-off rural area. Due to a policy we should all follow (though few actually do) I ask everyone paying with a credit card for ID. A few stores down from us, there’s a salon named after its owner. For the sake of this story, let’s say her name is Emma.)

Customer: *hands me credit card*

Me: “All right, can I see some ID from you, super quickly?”

Customer: “Oh, okay, but I’m Emma. You know, [Emma’s Salon]?” *points at her apron with the salon name*

Me: “Ah, sorry, I’m new… but I should still see your ID.”

Customer: “But I’m Emma!” *in a sing-song voice* “EM-ma! Emmaemmaemma Emmaaaaa! Em-MA! Emma EM-ma Emmmmmmmma! Eeeeeeemmaaaaaa! EM-MAAAAA! Em-MA, Em-MA, Em-MAAA!”

(This went on for at least a full minute. She did show me her ID eventually. I don’t think I’ll ask her again, though…)

Honesty Begins At Home(owner)

| USA | Money

(My store has a price for contractors and a higher price for regular homeowners. We’ve tried various ways to subtly ask if a caller is a contractor, so we don’t lose their business by automatically giving out the higher homeowner price, but the subtle ways haven’t worked well. This caller has already been borderline rude before this exchange.)

Caller: “Yeah, how much is your [Product]?”

Me: “Sir, are you a contractor or a homeowner?”

Caller: *snottily* “Well, which answer is gonna get me a better price?”

Me: “The one where you’re a contractor and can PROVE it.”

Caller: “D*** it, fine. I’m just a homeowner.”

From Now On, Always Use That Line

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Time

(I do returns and am waiting for a price check to come back. The elderly women who is next in line thinks the three-minute wait is too much.)

Customer: “What is taking so long?”

Me: “Someone is checking the price on these boots for me, ma’am. It’ll be just a minute.”

Customer: “Well, it’s taking too long. Can’t you just help me?”

Me: “I only have this one register. It will be just a second.”

(It takes maybe another minute. I get the price and start processing the return.)

Customer: “This is taking forever.”

Me: “I am exchanging items for this customer, ma’am. Just be patient.”

Customer: “Could you be any slower?!”

Me: “Probably, ma’am. Would you like to see?”

Customer: “No! I don’t have time to wait in this line!”

Me: “Well, what else would you do in a line? They’re designed to wait in.”

(At this point an assistant manager had come up, laughing, and took the lady to another register to do her return.)

Making You Freeze Like A Statue

| Gettysburg, PA, USA | Bizarre

(I work in a very small retail store with a large display window facing the street. We are just a building away from the center of the town, which is pedestrian and car heavy, especially during the tourist season. The display window is decorated with green and silver, with statues and other ornamental objects on display for the people walking by. All are for sale. The phone rings, and as the only one working, I answer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, hi! You had a statue on display in the window; I needed to know the price. It’s a [description of statue].”

(I walk over to the window; there are three or four statues that could be the one. I grab the most likely and check the price tag.)

Me: “I’m looking at one that’s priced at [price], but there’s also—”

Customer: “It’s the one to your right.”

(I felt every hair stand up on end as I gave him the price and then retreated to the back of the store. No one ever did come in for a statue.)

Obamacaring For The Environment

| Merced, CA, USA | Politics

(I’m shopping for some groceries and waiting in line to pay. The lady in front of me is paying for her things and loudly complaining. Note: California has just passed a ban on free plastic bags at stores, so you have to pay for them or bring your own.)

Cashier: “Would you like a bag?”

Customer: “Please, as many as you can give me.”

Cashier: “Just so you know, they’re 10 cents each.”

Customer: “I don’t care. It’s bull-s*** that we have to pay for these. Do they expect me to just carry my stuff to my car and then to my house? Does anyone know how much work that is? Does anybody want to explain the logic behind such a silly and needless law?”

Me: “It’s called the environment, ma’am. You know, trying to protect it so we can live on it.”

Customer: “Whatever. I’m a Trump supporter. We don’t believe in such nonsense as environment issues and climate change and science, I think you kids call it nowadays. It’s all God’s work and Trump is here to follow God and not the bullshit Democrats call ‘science.’ We’re lucky that God-hating Muslim Obama is gone. He supported this bull-s***.”

(She left still ranting about the Democrats and how Obama screwed America because he supported science.)

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