Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 13

, | Boston, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m a manager for a national clothing retailer outside of Boston and our store is running a promotion where customers can get coupons via text message.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, how do I get a coupon?”

Me: “You send a text message to this number **** and we will send you the coupon back.”

Customer: “So, do I need a cell phone in order to receive text message coupons from you?”

(Skipping a beat to see if she is serious.)

Me: “Yes. Yes, you do need a cell phone to receive text messages.”

Customer: *looking confused* “Oh.” *she walks away*

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 12
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10


The Customer Service Is Strong With This One

| Coruscant | April Fool's Day

(I have just started working at a clothing store a week earlier. I am going about my shift when my other coworkers suddenly decide to make themselves scarce. I grab one making a quick dash for the stockroom.)

Me: “Hey, where are you all going?”

Coworker: “Sorry, the mean regular is coming. He’s all yours.”

(Before I can respond my co-worker is gone. I turn to the entrance and see a huge fellow, dressed in a black technology suit, with an equally imposing dark helmet. He also sounds like he has a breathing problem. He spots me and makes a beeline for me.)

Customer: “I require a black robe, obsidian as the night, as imposing as a planet-destroying battle station, and good at shielding Force-lightning attacks.”

Me: “I don’t think we have one that covers all of those conditions, but let’s look in the evil to semi-evil attire aisle?”

Customer: “I find your lack of faith disturbing, but very well. Let us proceed.”

(We check out the black robes and find a few that might work.)

Customer: “This might do. Do you have it in size XXXL?”

Me: “Sorry, we only go as high as XL. You might want to try the Wookie Emporium just on the other side of the mall.”

Customer: “You have failed me for the last time. I shall not be coming back.”

Me: “I’m sorry we could not find what you were looking for this time, sir. But if you like I can check our online catalogue. I am happy to redouble my efforts to assist you.

Customer: “I hope so for your sake. The emperor is not as forgiving as I am.”


Measuring The Wrongest Distance

| Australia | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

Customer: “I’m looking for a pedo meter.”

Me: “A what?”

Customer: “A pedo meter. You know, one of those things that measure how many steps you do.”

Me: “Oh, a pedometer.”

Customer: “Yeah, a pedo meter…”

Me: “Right, they’re over here.”