The Customer Is Slow To Realize

| UT, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Popular, Time

(I work at a Halloween store and it is the day before Halloween. It is 10 in the morning and we are starting to get slammed with people buying all sorts of things from makeup to costumes to decorations. We only have three registers and all of them are open. The other two with me are somewhat new and have only been working for a week, while I’ve been there for two months. Needless to say, I’m the faster cashier. A woman comes up buying a fake axe, some fake blood, makeup, and liquid latex.)

Me: “Hi did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Yes I did. How much for the fake blood?”

Me: “It’s $6.99.”

Customer: “Good lord, who would pay that much for that? Take that off. Why y’all charging so much for that?”

Me: *scanning her other items* “Well, we don’t get a say in the prices; it’s corporate. Your total is $****. Cash or card?”

Customer: “Whoa, slow down, missy. Where’s the fire?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m just trying to get the line moving because we’re busy.”

Customer: “What line? There ain’t nobody here. Y’all need to slow down.”

(When she got in line, there were only three other people. Now there’s seven and more are coming.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m just trying to keep everyone’s wait time as low as possible.”

Customer: “Whatever. Card.” *swipes* “Why’s it taking so long?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I ain’t got time for this.”

(Payment goes through and receipt prints.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Thanks for coming in.”

Customer: “There you go rushing me again, sweetie. You need to slow down.” *leaves*

Next Customer: “Did that really just happen?”

Me: “Not the strangest thing to happen.”

Next Customer: “Well, I want you to be as slow as possible so that I can waste everyone else’s time.”

You Too Too Much

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

(This happens multiple times a day, every day, without fail: A customer hands drops off a prepaid package.)

Me: “This will go out today.”

Customer: “Thanks, you too!”

Cash Back Attack

| Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Hello, just letting you know that our EFTPOS is currently unavailable. Will you be able to pay by cash?”

Customer: “Yeah, no problem.”

(Serves groceries:)

Customer: “May I please have cash out?”

Me: “Umm… What? No, our EFTPOS is down.”

Customer: “Oh, but I have my Mastercard.”

Their Financial Advice Is Handicapped

| St Andrews, Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Money

(At our golf shop, we get one-off requests all the time. I occasionally get smart remarks about how we’re missing a trick because no one else is selling whatever it is, but generally they give up and go elsewhere pretty quickly. Today, I had a guy with a very specific request…)

Customer: “Hi There! Do you sell headcovers for Vokey wedges?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We only have the matching headcovers for the clubs we sell.”

Customer: “Do you know what I mean by a Vokey wedge?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’m not a golfer, but I do know that we don’t sell them.”

Customer: *proceeds to tell me what this particular golf club is* “…You should get some neoprene and a little bit of soft sock and make some. You could sell them for £10 and make a fortune.”

Me: *at this point I probably have quite a stunned and bemused look on my face* “Oh, right. Well you’re the first person in seven years of working here to ever ask for one.”

Customer: “I’m telling you, you’d make loads selling them online.”

(At this point, he could see I wasn’t about to take him up on his offer and manufacture one on the spot for him.)

Customer: “I had to make my last one myself.” *on that note, he leaves*

(Now I’m not a business wiz, nor an expert in manufacturing, but if it’s such a lucrative opportunity, I was left wondering why he doesn’t take his own advice and make his ‘fortune’.)

A Free Piece Of Advice

, | Cork, Ireland | Crazy Requests, Popular, Religion

(I work on chat support for customers. This one caller has been enquiring about getting a product, a well-known smart watch, for free like he saw on a prank video on Internet. This is the end of the conversation where I try to explain him why we don’t just give away free stuff.)

Me: “[Customer], let’s say you earn money to make a living by making a product and selling it. How would you react if a person asked you to give him one for free? You wouldn’t be very happy that this person would get a product but you wouldn’t get the money you need to pay your taxes and your food?”

Customer: “I would let him take it if he didn’t have money and God will always fix it.”

Me: “Now, let’s say that 100 people heard about what you did and all asked one for free. Soon you wouldn’t get any money at all.”

Customer: “No, God will fix it, but if he really doesn’t have any money I will give him one. God always fixes that.”

Me: *finally snapping* “Okay, then, you can ask God to send you a watch for free!”