The 99%

| Palm Bay, FL, USA | Right | December 22, 2011

(Usually, I cashier at my store. It is slow, so I am called to work on the floor.)

Customer: *recognizing me* “Oh, hey, I didn’t know you worked on the floor!”

Me: “It’s slow, so they put me to work out here.”

Customer: “I’m surprised they didn’t just send you home. This place is a graveyard at this time!”

Me: *laughing* “Afraid they don’t do that. If you have a pulse and can stand in one place, you’re good for work!”

Customer: “But you do go home right?”

Me: *jokingly* “Home? No, they have a big cage in the back where they lock us up overnight until they need us again.”

Customer: *horrified* “Well, I never! I’m never shopping here again if they use slaves!” *storms away before I can say I am only kidding*

(My shift ends and I’m leaving. I overhear the managers talking.)

Manager #1: “Some woman called to complain about our slaves.”

Manager #2: *grinning* “Dang, how’d she find out about that?!”

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Folie A Deux

| Illinois, USA | Right | December 22, 2011

(I am working in the men’s department when a well-dressed, handsome man comes up with a few pairs of pants. Most of them are one size, while one or two are one size larger than that.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

Me: “I see here that these are one size larger than the others. Did you need the two different sizes?”

Customer: *sheepishly* “Yes, actually, I do.”

Me: “I was just checking. Sometimes clothes don’t get put back in the proper piles and sizes get mixed up.” *continues ringing him up* “Are you purchasing these as a gift? We can provide you with a gift box.”

Customer: “Oh, no, both sizes are for me.” *leans in to whisper* “You see, I need one size for most of the time, and another for… that time of the month.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Don’t judge me! My wife cooks fattier foods for a whole week when…you know! It’s like Thanksgiving every night for a week!”

Me: “Oh, wow. I can’t imagine what she’s like while pregnant.”

Customer: *visibly pales* “I hadn’t thought of that. Oh, no. I can’t have that happen! I’ll get FAT!”

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Can’t Take The Heat, No Daughter Of Mine

| Massachusetts, USA | Right | December 21, 2011

(I’m working in a very specialized area of our store where we make wax models out of our customer’s hands.)

Me: “It’s a little intense for smaller kids, as it’s kind of hot.”

Customer: “My daughter can handle it. She’ll be fine.”

(I begin the process of making the model of the little girl’s hand. She begins to cry.)

Me: “You’re doing fine. We’re halfway done.”

Daughter: “But it’s hot!”

Customer: “Oh, suck it up, you’ll be fine!”

The Fragility Of My Temper

| Seattle, WA, USA | Right | December 20, 2011

(The place I work at sells everything for your home. Note, the store is a warehouse and has cement floors. A customer walks up to shelf check out, begins to check out, and drops one of two glass vases. The vase, of course, shatters into pieces.)

Customer: *walks up to me with the unbroken vase* “I don’t want this vase anymore. I didn’t realize how fragile they were.”

Me: “You didn’t realize how fragile these glass vases were?”

Customer: “Yes, and I don’t want to purchase an item that can break this easily.”

(The customer begins to walk back to her check out. Halfway, she turns around again to address me.)

Customer: “Oh, and by the way, can you clean up this mess?”

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Mirror, Mirror On The Wall And Not For Sale

, | St. Paul, MN, USA | Right | December 15, 2011

(I work in a second hand clothing store. The store has racks of clothes and a couple full length mirrors. A man walks in.)

Customer: “Where are your mirrors for sale?”

Me: “Um, we don’t sell mirrors.”

Customer: “What do you sell?”

Me: “Clothing. We’re a clothing store.”

Customer: “What kind of a place is this?!” *storms out*

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