Permission To Abuse, Denied

| | Right | August 30, 2008

(I’m trying to organize curtains, shams, valances, etc., when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

Me: “I certainly do, can I help you with anything?”

Customer: *snotty* “Yeah, can you get out of my way, please?”

Me: “…”

Customer, to his wife: “I can say that to her because she works here!”

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$20k A Year For Beer And Bongs

, | | Right | August 29, 2008

(A bunch of college-aged frat-looking boys walk into the shoe store while I’m shopping there.)

Dude 1: “Duuuuuude this store smells like something.”

Dude 2: “I know dude, it smells like shoes!”

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Getting A Word In Edgewise

| | Right | August 28, 2008

Customer: “I want to see that brooch.”

Me: “Here it is–”

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “Well, it’s–”

Customer: “You don’t need to know where I get my money from!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, it costs–”

Customer: “I’m on a disability pension.”

Me: “It costs thirty–”

Customer: “And it’s none of your business why!”

Me: “Thirty five dol–”

Customer: “I had an accident and broke my leg.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Do you want to know why I’m buying this?”

Me: “Umm… no, it’s okay.”

Customer: “BECAUSE GREEN IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!”

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Che Guevara, Rapping Revolutionary

| | Right | August 27, 2008

(I overheard this in a comic book store in a trendy area of town.)

Teenager: *points to t-shirt of Che Guevara* “Hey look, it’s the lead singer of Rage Against The Machine!”

Teenager’s friend: “I am totally buying one!”

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A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’

| | Right | August 27, 2008

Me: “Sir, would you like to use any coupons today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’ve been saving them. Here you go!”

(He hands me a coupon that had expired five years previously.)

Me: “Sir, your coupon is expired.”

Customer: “WHAT?! What do you mean its expired? You f***ing b****, you’re just trying to steal my f***ing money! You’re trying to rob me! You and this f***ing company are trying to steal my f***ing money!”

(The customer attempts to climb over the counter and attack me. Thankfully, my manager intercepts him.)

Manager: “Sir, I need you to come with me.”

(My manager hauls the customer off counter by the back of his collar and drags him outside. Ten minutes pass, and he comes back in hauling a very disheveled customer by the shirt.)

Customer: “Your manager told me that I need to apologize to you. I’m sorry for yelling.”

Manager: “Now, apologize for cursing at her.”

Customer: “I’m sorry for cursing at you.”

Manager: “Now, what’s our policy on expired coupons?”

Customer: “You don’t accept them.”

Manager, to me: “Is he forgiven, or would you like to have him arrested?”

Me: “No, it’s okay. ”

Manager, to customer: “Now get out, and don’t come back.” *throws customer out*

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