(I am running my department on the far side of our store. A lady with a sour expression on her face comes up to the counter. I recognize her as a regular difficult customer. I die a little inside but smile and immediately start walking toward her. She frowns and clears her throat loudly like she is trying to get my attention, even though I am already walking toward her. She is also drumming her fingers on the counter so loudly that you can hear the thump of each one.)

Me: “Hi! What brings you in today?”

Sour Lady: “Huh! Yes, I don’t know if you have the knowledge I require, but I bought 30 heavy duty binders a few weeks ago online from home, and they have not held up at all! They are terrible quality, even though they are your store brand!“

(She peers at me disapprovingly and waits, so I try to ask her how I can help her with her problem.)

Me: “Oh, that’s too bad—”

Sour Lady: *cuts me off* “My question is, can I return them and get my hard-earned money back?!”

Me: *trying to be helpful, and to get this resolved and her out of the store ASAP* “Absolutely! If it is a defective product of our brand, we can certainly return them for you, although if you ordered online at home, we usually have you call the corporate phone number so they can do the return for you. But we can always do the return in store, as well.”

Sour Lady: “Hmph! Fine. I would hope you would since it is your company’s product that is terrible!“

(She walks away and I forget about it. Two days later, I see the same lady, sour face in full force, walk toward me with a cart full of perfectly-good-looking binders and a handful of paperwork.)

Sour Lady: “You! I hope your information was correct before, because I have come to do my return!” *looks at me like I am a worm*

Me: “Of course. Did you bring your order paperwork?

(The sour lady throws a stack of papers on the counter and smirks. I look through her papers, and thankfully she has her invoice so I can process the return. I notice she bought the binders over SIX MONTHS AGO, but don’t say anything since we can still technically return them and I just want her out. I am thinking she used the binders for a project and then when it was done decided to return them. I have to enter what amount she is getting back manually since she ordered online from home. She paid $68.00.)

Me: “Okay, if you want to give me the card you paid with, I can put the $68 on it for you.”

Sour Lady: “WHAT?! No, you must not have learned math in school! See, I used a $30 coupon, so I should be getting $98 back! I have the coupon right here!”

(She glares at me and is just radiating bad attitude.)

Me: *still calm and smiling* “Yes, I see, but this coupon expired the day of your original purchase, over six months ago. And you only paid $68.00 for the binders, so we can only give you what you paid. We cannot just give you 30 dollars for free. Does that make sense?”

Sour Lady: “No! You are robbing me of $30! That is outrageous! You are clearly incompetent!”

Me: “No, ma’am, you paid $68, and are getting $68 back.”

Sour Lady: “Get me your manager, now!“

(I sigh and page for the manager. He comes up and I explain; all the while Sour Lady is glaring and smirking at the same time if that is possible.)

Manager: “My associate is correct, ma’am; we cannot give you $30 over what you paid.”

(The Sour Lady starts arguing and treating us like dirt for ten minutes. My manager has had enough and wants her out of the store, so he gives in and types the $98 into the register to go back on the card.)

Sour Lady: “I want cash! That way I have it, and you won’t cheat me!”

(My manager frowns but gives her cash.)

Sour Lady: *smirks nastily and says* “Well, you learn something new every day don’t you?”

(The manager, who isn’t very patient, sort of snaps.)

Manager: “Yes, ma’am, you do. I have learned today that you like to make a fuss to get free money and abuse our return system. I did it for you this once, but all of my employees will know from here on out that we will not bend rules for you, or do returns outside of the policy, or refund expired coupons. If this is not to your liking, you can go to another store and rip them off in future!”

(My mouth is hanging open at this point and I am sure I am smiling, too.)

Sour Lady: *starts screaming* “How rude! You are a bunch of idiots! I want your boss’s number! I will have you all fired! I am a loyal customer!“

(My manager gives her the corporate number immediately.)

Manager: “Please do call them, so they can tell you to give us $30 back. And if you were a loyal customer, you wouldn’t always be returning things and ripping people off!”

(The sour lady is speechless, and waddles out in a huff!)

Me: “That was amazing! What happened to you?”

Manager: “Sometimes retail just crushes your soul too much, and you need to stand up to jerks to inflate it back up!”

(That is still my favorite memory of that manager. Sour Face did call corporate, but our district manager said we were right and made a note about that nasty lady in case she tries to do that again!)

(I’m standing in line at the customer service counter, and there is a lady in front of me trying to make a return.)

Employee: “Unfortunately, we cannot give you a refund on this product. There is a 30-day return policy on all electronics, and that’s already passed. The system will not let the refund through; I’m sorry.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. I got this for Christmas, and I don’t want it. I just want the money for it; I have the receipt.”

Employee: “Ma’am, I understand your frustration, but it’s been over 30 days, and the system…”

Customer: “It has not been 30 days!”

Employee: “Today is January 30th.”

Customer: “Yes, and I have 30 days to return it.”

Employee: “Umm…”

Customer: “Today is the 30th; this is the last day I have to return it!”

(She didn’t get her refund.)

(The phone rings.)

Me: “Hi. This is [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, this isn’t [Competitor]?

Me: “No, this is [Store].”

Customer: “Oh, well, do you know if [Competitor] has [item] and how much it is?”

Me: “No, sorry, I am not sure what that store carries in stock or pricing, but I can tell you what our store has and how much it is.”

Customer: “Yes, I know what you carry, but I want to know what [Competitor] has; can you tell me?”

Me: ” Sorry, I do not work at [Competitor], so I am not able to tell you if they have that item.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because I do not work there; however, if you call them, I am sure they can give you the information you need.”

Customer: “Well, you are not very helpful! I would think that you would keep track of all the prices and items your competitor has, to stay competitive! Call them and check, and then call me back and let me know!”

Me: *bangs head on keyboard*

(I’m cashing out a lady whose arm is in a sort of sling. I assume it’s sore or injured, but she seems to be managing fine otherwise, if a little slower than average. At first, she’s polite, but becomes increasingly difficult as the transaction goes on.)

Customer: “Can you check the price of this, please? The ticket says a dollar, but I’m not sure.”

(She hands me a two-litre bottle of soft drink, one I know for a fact is not $1, nor have we ever sold it for that price.)

Me: “The [soft drink] should be $1.69.” *scans item* “Yes, it’s $1.69.”

Customer: “No, the ticket says one dollar.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it is actually $1.69. The ticket should say that [soft drink] is $1.69, also. I know, because I put the ticket there myself, actually.”

Customer: “NO! You’re wrong! It says one dollar.”

Me: “Sorry, but [soft drink] is $1.69. It was previously $1.50, but we have never once sold it for $1. If you want, I’ll call for a price check.”

(She agrees, so I call my coworker for a price check. Surprise, surprise, they confirm that the ticket does say $1.69. The customer decides to leave [soft drink], and I continue scanning the rest of her items, with her occasionally asking the prices of other items. Finally, we get to the end, and it’s time for her to pay.)

Me: “Okay, your total comes to [total]. Was that cash or card?”

Customer: “Oh, I better transfer some money. Just wait one second, please.”

(A queue has built up, so I call for another cashier. A few minutes pass, and the customer is still transferring her money, meanwhile rambling to me about how she needs to go to [Health Insurance] to get a refund, and that’s why she doesn’t have enough money in her account. I’m nodding along politely, but the line is building, so I try to politely hurry her along)

Me: “Sorry, but would you mind if I put your items to one side while you wait for your transfer? We just have a few people in line.”

Customer: “No, I’m nearly done! You have to be patient with me; I’ve only got one working arm!”

(She happens to tilt her phone and I get a look at the screen. She is using the same banking app that I have myself, and I know a transfer takes only a few seconds. She has been standing at my register for almost ten minutes TRANSFERRING money. I have no idea what she could be possibly doing, but finally, she tells me the money has transferred and she pays.)

Customer: “Thank you for waiting.” *goes to grab items* “Oh, you need to double-bag these. I’ve only got one working arm!”

Me: “Oh, sorry, ma’am, it’s just that we’ve got customers waiting…”

Customer: “I don’t care! You have to be patient with me! I’ve only got one working arm, and I’m not supposed to be using this one; it’s injured! My doctor is going to be mad at me!”

(Finally, after a nearly twenty-minute transaction, she leaves.)

Coworker: “First of all, you were stuck with her for over ten minutes; how much more patient can you be?! And second, how is it your fault that her arm is injured? If doctor’s orders say she shouldn’t be using it, she shouldn’t be using it! Some people!”

(I mentioned the ordeal to my manager. He said I should have kicked her out of the store when she refused to move aside so I could serve others!)

(I see a rat run across the floor in the back room when I open the store for the day, so I text my manager and coworker to let them know. I get the following texts over the rest of the day:)

Coworker: “Oh, my God! Please tell me it’s gone.”

Coworker: “If I see a rat, I’m just going to run out.”

Coworker: “I’m so scared of rats. I’m freaking out already.”

Coworker: “His name is Thomas.”

Coworker: “I love him.”

Coworker: “I’m going to be sad when he dies.”

(Thomas managed to evade every trap we set for him, but eventually stopped coming back. My coworker, despite her proclamation of love, remained nervous until the day we decided he wouldn’t be back.)