The Grim Reaper Goes Shopping

| | Right | May 12, 2009

(I am stocking our stationary section, and a customer walks up to me.)

Customer: “Do you sell condolence cards?”

Me: “No. Perhaps try Target or Walmart?”

Customer: “I’m looking for them in bulk.”

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Another Blow To The Disney Slave Trade

| | Right | May 11, 2009

(This took place in a music store where there was a Jonas Brothers poster on display. A young female customer comes in, walks past the poster, stops, then walks back again.)

Customer: “O. M. G.”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I get them?”

Me: “Um, who?”

Customer: “The Jonas Brothers.”

Me: “Yes, you can purchase that poster and their CDs.”

Customer: “No, I mean do you sell them? Like the real them?”

Me: “Um…what?”

Customer: *getting frustrated* “Can I buy the Jonas Brothers?!”

Me: “…I’m sorry, but we don’t sell people…”

Customer: “Well, that is just plain STUPID. WHY would you have an advertisement for them if I can’t buy them?! *storms away angrily*

Me: “…”

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Food Chain Brain Drain

| | Right | May 11, 2009

(I work at a supplement store, and a customer asked if we had any samples other than what was available at the register.)

Me: “I do have this omega-3 dark chocolate if you’d like to try it. It’s made by a chocolatier instead a supplement company, and you really can tell.”

Customer: “I love dark chocolate! I’ll try that.”

Me: “Wait…if you can’t have fish for whatever reason, then you
can’t have this. The omega-3 in here comes from fish.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I stopped eating meat, but I still eat fish.”

Me: “Well, if you want to get technical about it, fish is meat.”

Customer: *shocked* “REALLY?!”

Me: “…well, it’s not a vegetable.”

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We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 4

, | | Right | May 7, 2009

(A guy who bought a game comes back wanting a refund. The problem is that the game seal had been broken, the game disc had some nasty scratches on it, and it was 30 days past our return policy window.)

Me: “Hi. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ve got this game here that I didn’t fully enjoy. I want a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the seal has been broken, and the disc is damaged. I can’t give you a refund for this.”

Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! I wasn’t informed about that!”

Me: “Sir, if you look right here on your receipt, you’ll see what rights you have. And as you can see, the 30-day return policy has expired, and the game is damaged. I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “Oh no, don’t try this on me. I know my rights, due to the fact that I’m a lawyer. So you’d better think about your next move, or it could end up bad for you.”

Me: “Hold on a second…are you threatening me?”

Customer: “That depends on how you handle this situation.”

(By this point, there was a large line forming in the store, and the guy standing behind my customer looked pretty pissed off.)

Customer: “So, are you going to give me a refund or not?”

Customer #2: *interrupting* “I’ve had it with this. You told this guy you’re a lawyer, right? And that you’re entitled to a refund, am I correct?”

Customer: “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, that is correct.”

Customer #2: “Here’s the deal: I know for a fact that you’re wrong. I think everyone in this store knows that you’re wrong, and the reason WHY I know this is because I AM a lawyer. What you’re doing is borderline illegal. So, may I suggest that you leave this store right now?”

Customer: *quietly* “Well…what I was trying to tell him was…um…”

(The customer then quickly left the store. Everyone, including myself, gave customer #2 a round of applause.)


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Your One-Stop Shop For Addictive Substances

, | | Right | May 7, 2009

(An older lady came in to the store I worked at looking for the Playstation game “Croc”.)

Customer: “Hey! Y’all got crack?”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Customer: “Crack!”

Me: “Do you mean…Everquest?”

Customer: “NO, D***IT, I WANT CRACK. You know, little alligator be runnin’ ’round ‘n s***.”

Me: “…do you mean ‘Croc’?”

Customer: “Crack, Croc, whatever!”

Me: “Yes ma’am, right here…” *rings up sale*

(After the lady left, my boss came up to me.)

Manager: “Did that lady just try to buy crack rocks from you?!”

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