Ah, Mothers, Part 2

, | | Right | April 27, 2009

(I overhear the following conversation as I’m stocking crafts; it’s a forty-something mother and her teenage daughter.)

Mother: “… okay, we need beads.”

Daughter: “Just make it fast.”

Mother: “Don’t take that attitude with me.”

Daughter: “I don’t know why I go anywhere with you!”

Mother: “Oh, look! Gift boxes! With Rudolph on them!”

Daughter: “Mom, be quiet. Just shut up… please.”

Mother: “Look! Rudolph! You see Rudolph?”

Daughter: “Mom, shut up! Can we leave?”

Mother: “It’s just so godd**n a** f**king cute!”

Daughter: *rolls her eyes and stomps off*


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More Than He Bargained For

, | | Right | April 27, 2009

(My father is manning tables at the local flea market. A man comes up to the table and picks out an item that’s priced at $8.)

Customer: “Will you take $6 for this?”

Dad: “Sure.”

(The man finds another item, this one priced at $5.)

Customer: “Will you take $4?”

Dad: “Sure.”

(After a while, the man finds another item, this time priced at $6.)

Customer: “$5?”

Dad: “Sure.”

(Finally, the man gathers all of his items together and winds up for the ultimate bargaining ploy.)

Customer: “How about $20 for all three?”

Dad: “Sure.”

(Dad was always an agreeable sort.)

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It’s A Miracle She’s Still On The Ground…

| | Right | April 22, 2009

(A very angry customer storms up to the counter at the party shop I was working at.)

Customer: “These balloons are no good! I spent all afternoon blowing them up, and none of them will float!”

Me: “What did you fill them with?”

Customer: “What do you mean? I just blew them up, and none of them will float.”

Me: “Did you fill them with air or helium?”

Customer: “Air.”

Me: “They won’t float unless you use a helium tank.”

Customer: “NO! Look, it says on the packet, ‘Helium Balloons’.”

Me: “…”

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It’s A Low Maintenance Affair

| | Right | April 22, 2009

Me: “Happy Holidays! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Well, I need two gifts.”

Me: “Okay, who are you shopping for and what did you have in mind?”

Customer: “I need one for my wife, and one for my girlfriend. I got them the same thing last year, so we can just do that again.”

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There’s Such A Thing As Being Too Into Crafts

| | Right | April 21, 2009

(This took place at a large craft store. This particular day I was stocking the shelves when a lady came up and asked me for help.)

Customer: “My daughter only has a few months left to live, and she is going to be cremated. I was wondering if you had anything that I could use to make her ashes into a tiara?”

Me: “…make her…ashes into a tiara?”

Customer: “Yes. She was a beauty queen, and I’d like to make her ashes into a tiara. Do you have some modeling clay or something I can use?”

Me: “Oh, do you mean you want to make an urn in the shape of a tiara to hold the ashes?”

Customer: “No, I want the ashes molded into the shape of a tiara.”

(I am silent for a moment. The lady stands expectantly, and finally I answer.)

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot help you. There is no one in this store who can help you. I suggest you go and get help somewhere else.”

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