(I am a customer waiting in line for my turn at a store that sells toilet fittings. There is another customer standing in front of me with a toilet seat in hand.)

Store Clerk #1: “Next.”

Customer: *slightly frustrated* “Yes, I have a problem with my toilet seat. Your workers installed this while renovating my entire bathroom and it’s loose. I have tried tightening it myself, but I can’t get it fastened.”

(At this time, another store clerk is free to help me and I stand next to the customer.)

Customer: *opening the toilet seat* “See, I tried tightening this, but it’s still loose. You guys probably installed it incorrectly.”

(Both clerks and I look at the seat while he lifts it up, revealing several pee and poop stains. I look at the clerk that is helping him and I see a horrified look on his face.)

Customer: “See? If I wiggle this, it’s clearly loose. Here, try it.”

([Store Clerk #1] clearly does not want to touch his stained seat.)

Store Clerk #1: “What are the name and address? I will look up your file.”

(The customer provides the address and [Store Clerk #1] goes into the offices.)

Customer: *to me, sighing* “When you pay this much for a complete bathroom renovation, you would expect some better quality.”

(I’m holding back my laughter, still shocked he would bring his dirty toilet seat, which is now placed on the counter. The clerk returns.)

Store Clerk #1: “I’m sorry, I can’t seem to find your file. When was it that we did this job?”

Customer: “You can’t expect me to remember?!” *sighs* “I don’t know, around 12 to 13 years ago?”

([Store Clerk #2] quickly rushes to the back mid-sentence, clearly holding back his laughter.)

Store Clerk #1: “I’m sorry, sir, our records only go back ten years. I’m afraid a replacement will not be available, but I can make an appointment to install a new toilet.”

Customer: “What? Fine, I’ll solve it myself.”

(The customer grabbed his pee-and-poop-stained toilet seat and rushed out. The clerks looked at each other with an all-saying look, and both turned to me at the same time. I glanced back, not knowing whether to laugh or to cry. They both went to the back. One returned with cleaning products, the other with hand-gel.)

(While working my zone, I notice a [Coffee Place] cup left on one of the displays. There are three people around, so I assume it’s one of theirs and leave. Five minutes later, no one is around and the cup is still there. We’re allowed to leave cups unattended for five minutes before tossing them, so I leave it and come back five minutes later to see it’s still there. At this point, I have to throw it away, so I go over to it for the first time to find it empty. I throw it out. Twenty minutes later I overhear this:)

Customer: “I left my [Coffee Place] here and now it’s gone!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, someone must have taken it and drank it or thrown it out.”

Customer: “Why would they do that?”

Coworker: “Probably because no one was near it.”

Customer: “But it was mine!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, really. I’ll ask around and see if anyone saw it, but there’s nothing I can do about it.”

(The girl leaves and my coworker comes to me.)

Coworker: “Did you throw out a [Coffee Place] cup?”

Me: “Yeah, it was empty. I also let it sit for about ten minutes and no one claimed it.”

Coworker: “Well, she came back for it.”

Me: “I threw it out twenty minutes ago.”

Coworker: *long pause* “It took her thirty minutes to realize she didn’t have her coffee.”

(I see a very lost- and confused-looking lady approaching other customers at random, most of whom walk away from her in a hurry. I catch up to her in the toy department and ask if I can help her with anything.)

Customer: “Oh, yes, finally! I’m just looking for charcoal lighter fluid. I thought it would be over here.”

Me: “Our lighter fluid is in the garden center. You’ll see it there, next to the grills, as soon as you walk in.”

Customer: “Well, why isn’t here? I think it should be here. It’s in garden? That makes no sense; I don’t understand.”

Me: “Well, no, this is the toy department, we don’t keep lighter fluid here!”

Customer: “But why? I don’t understand why it isn’t over here. Why isn’t it here?”

Me: “Because you definitely don’t want kids playing with lighter fluid! It’s in the garden center, I’ll show you where it is.”

Customer: “Oh, no. I know it’s not out there. I’m sure it’s here in this area somewhere; I’ll keep looking.”

(And with that, she wandered off, mumbling about how she “didn’t understand” why we don’t keep lighter fluid in the toy department.)

(A customer who has just purchased a lot of items comes back up to the counter to show me her receipt.)

Me: “Hello. Is everything okay?”

Customer: “There was a deal on the sellotape, and it hasn’t come off my total.”

Me: “Okay, could you tell me what the deal was?”

Customer: “Yes, it said they were two for £5.” *points to a display that says two for £5*

(I look at her receipt to see that the sellotape was individually priced at £2.49, meaning the total for 2 comes to £4.98.)

Me: “Oh, they were £2.49 each, which comes to under £5, so you were charged £4.98.”

Customer: *beginning to sound annoyed* “Why did it say 2 for £5?! That’s false advertising!”

Me: “I’m sorry, that might have been an old deal; the head office always changes prices and deals and doesn’t always tell us. Luckily, you weren’t overcharged.”

Customer: “I still want a refund. I don’t like giving my money to false advertisers.”

Me: “Sure… Okay.”

(I went ahead and processed a refund for £4.98.)

(I’m at the customer service desk to return a skirt. I place the skirt on the counter and HAND the receipt directly to the cashier, who places it on her desk under her monitor.)

Cashier: “I don’t recognise this skirt. You know you can’t return an item without a receipt, right?”

Me: “I bought the skirt here nine days ago; it says that on the receipt I just gave you.”

Cashier: “I can’t exchange it if it’s not from this store, either. You need a receipt.”

Me: “I don’t understand what you mean. I’ve got a receipt and it’s well within the 28-day return period?”

Cashier: “Look. I’m not going to argue with you. Without your receipt, I can’t and won’t help you.”

Me: “I’ve literally just given you the receipt. What are you talking about?”

(I’m getting a little flustered now and notice a manager walking nearby.)

Me: “Excuse me! I’m really sorry, but I think we need help over here.”

Manager: “What’s the issue?”

Cashier: “She’s trying to get a refund for a skirt we don’t carry. I keep telling her she needs a receipt, but she won’t listen.”

Manager: “Is that right? I’m sorry, but without a receipt, we can only excha—“

Cashier: “No! Not if we don’t carry it!”

(The manager looks weirdly at the cashier.)

Manager: “We do carry this.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but she has my receipt right there!” *points at monitor* “She’s had it the entire time.”

Manager: *to cashier* “What? If you’ve got the receipt, what’s the problem? Just go on break; we’ll talk about your conduct after.” *to me* “I’m so sorry. I’ll refund you straight away. Would you like a free coffee voucher for the trouble?”

(The cashier storms off into the store.)

Me: *laughs* “I think I just need a lie down after all that. As long as I get the refund, it’s fine!”