(A couple friends and I are attending a local anime convention. One of my favorite parts of the convention is the fact that it’s across the street from the mall and a large shopping district, and it’s fun to see all the confused non-con-goers watching the cosplayers in our brightly-colored costumes and asking what the heck is going on. This happens when my friends and I are in a store near the mall. Three of us are all in costume, standing in a group, and browsing merchandise, when a woman approaches.)

Woman: “Excuse me, can I ask you something?”

Me: *thinking she is about to ask why we’re all dressed up* “Sure!”

Woman: “Can you tell me if you tell me where [item] is? I can’t find it anywhere!”

Me: *realizing she has — somehow — mistaken us for store employees* “Oh, sorry, we actually don’t work here.”

Woman: “Oh, I just saw your name tag…” *points to my badge for the convention*

(She went to ask one of the actual employees, who were all behind the counter ten feet away, in no way dressed up like anime characters, and also not wearing name tags.)

My mom got a printer, and after only a few months of light use, it died. She called in and got a replacement under the two-year warranty. A few months later, the replacement died, and she got a new one. Rinse and repeat every few months for the entirety of the warranty, with her growing more and more frustrated with each new machine. Finally, her fifth replacement stopped working after only three months, immediately after she put $50 of ink cartridges in it, and she called in to troubleshoot and see if it could be fixed. It couldn’t. They informed her that since she was out of warranty she would not get another free replacement, and there was nothing they could do about the money she’d wasted on the now-useless brand-specific ink, but they would offer her a 15% discount on her next printer purchase. She declined the coupon, as she didn’t intend to buy another printer from that company ever again.

My tiny, gentle, mild-mannered, and usually extremely calm mother then carried the printer outside, threw it down the balcony steps, picked up an axe, and hacked it to pieces. She said it felt fantastic, and the best part was when she forgot there was still paper inside, so it started spewing paper everywhere on the way down the stairs.

(I work in a card and stationery store. A woman comes in and I engage her in conversation.)

Me: “Hi. How are you doing today? Is there something special I can help you find?”

Woman: “Yeah, do you have any cards with hummingbirds on them?”

Me: “Yes, we have a bunch! Did you need them for any specific occasion?”

Woman: “No, not really.”

Me: “Okay. We have many birthday cards with hummingbirds on them. This one here is actually our top-selling birthday card.”

Woman: “Actually, do you have any Thank You cards with hummingbirds on them?”

Me: *thinking, “Why couldn’t you have said this was what you wanted in the first place?!”* “Yes, I think so. Let’s go look.” *after scanning the Thank You section* “I don’t see any out here right now, but let me check our database and see if there are any cards I’m forgetting about that we might have in the stock room.”

(I look up “hummingbird cards” and find a few options.)

Me: “Okay, looks like I have one or two ideas. Let me just run in the back and grab them for you.”

Woman: “Okay.”

(I come back a minute later with two options for her.)

Woman: “Actually, do you have any hummingbird cards that are blank inside?”

(I walk over to our blank section and pull out two right off the bat.)

Woman: “Do you have any other options?”

Me: “I think so. Let me go check.”

Woman: “Okay, I’ll keep looking.”

(I again go to the back room and look for a minute or two and find a few cards that fit the bill. I return to the section of the store where I left her, and she is nowhere to be found. In fact, there are NO customers in the store at all!)

Me: *throws hands in the air in exasperation*

(Sadly, this happens on a regular basis. Why would you leave when I was gone for three minutes max and I’m trying to get you exactly what you asked for?!)

(I work in a store selling Manchester items such as bed linen. I see a woman pulling items off one of our display tables.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes. Can you tell me if this will look any good in my room? It has to go with the paint.”

Me: “Well, I don’t know what your room looks like, or what colour the walls are, so I couldn’t really tell you.”

Customer: “The walls are blue; do you think it will go?”

Me: “Again, I couldn’t tell you because I don’t know what sort of blue your walls are. The best thing to do is to try it, and if it doesn’t match, you can bring the item back.”

Customer: “I don’t want to have to come back. I need you to tell me if it will go with my blue walls?”  

Me: “Okay, can you tell me what sort of shade the blue is?”

Customer: “It’s just blue, how can it be that hard?”

Me: *points out several items* “These items are all shades of blue; is there anything that looks like your wall paint?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “So, what shade is your paint?”

Customer: “Blue.”

(Just then, a customer lets me know she needs her sales rung up.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I need to get back to the counter, I’ll leave it with you.”

Customer: “But I need someone to tell me that this will match my room.”

Me: “Okay, then it will match your room.”

Customer: “You really think so? Are you sure?”

Me: “Well, seeing as I have no idea what your room looks like, I’ll go out on a limb and say yes.”

Customer: “Great, thanks.”

Customer: “Excuse me. How late are you open?”

Me: “All the shops in this mall are open until 9:30 pm, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes, I know that. But how late is this shop open until?”