Granny Git Your Groove On

| | Right | April 18, 2008

Old Woman: “Excuse me sir…I need some batteries.”

Me: “Of course. What kind do you need?”

Old Woman: “I…I’m not sure.”

Me: “Not a problem. What do you need the batteries for? I might be able to match them up to the product.”

Old Woman: “…I need them for my ghetto blaster.”

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Shortest. Honeymoon. Ever.

, | | Right | April 17, 2008

(A woman approaches me at the cash desk and pulls out a pair of underwear to return.)

Woman: “I’d like to return this.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but we cannot accept returns on intimate apparel.”

Woman: “Why not? I haven’t worn it.”

Me: “It’s against our company policy for health reasons.”

Woman: “Well this is ridiculous! I bought these to wear on my honeymoon and I didn’t end up wearing them, so now they’re useless!”

(The woman storms out of store, leaving the underwear on the counter.)

Me: *wonders just what happened on the honeymoon*

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The Less They Know, The Better

| | Right | April 15, 2008

(The customer decides to buy two children’s face towels, one for each child. They are $3.50 each, but you can get three for $7.00.)

Me: “Just so you know, you can get three towels for $7.”

Customer: “No thanks.”

Me: “You are paying $7 anyway, since they’re $3.50 each…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Essentially, if you buy two, you get a third one free!”

Customer: “Free?”

Me: “Yeah, one for yourself!”

Customer: “I don’t want one!”

Me: “Well, it’s an extra one for the kids, or you can give it away, or give it to me.” *I laugh lightly*

Customer: “If I get three, I’ll have to get a fourth, or the kids will fight.”

Me: “Ah, you can get a fourth one for only $2.33, because you get the discount if you buy three or more.”

Customer: “But you said the third one is free!”

Me: “It’s essentially free. When you get three or more, you’re actually paying $2.33 for each one, instead of $3.50. It works out the same.”

Customer: “So I’m paying for it, even though it’s free?”

Me: “The deal is actually three for $7, seven divided by three is $2.33; you end up paying only $2.33 for each one instead of $3.50.”

Customer: “Whoa, so the first two are $3.50, the third one is free, and the fourth one is $2.33?”

Me: “You could look at it that way, I guess…”

Customer: “You guys have confusing prices, I’m getting a headache!”

(The customer asks the kids if they want another one. They get excited and pick out two more. I scan them. Each one shows up at $3.50 each, but the computer discounts them automatically at the end).

Customer: “Hey, they all scanned at $3.50!”

Me: “Don’t worry, the discount is applied at the end.”

Customer: “You’re trying to rip me off!”

Me: “I’m not, see your subto–”

Customer: “I’m never coming here again!”

(The customer grabs the children, who start crying because they really wanted the face towels.)

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All Are Retail Slaves

| | Right | April 10, 2008

(Note: I wasn’t actually an employee, I was just a regular customer walking around this store. A middle aged woman walks up to me.)

Lady: “Excuse me, do you have any golf clubs?”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t work here.”

Lady: “But you look like you do…”

Me: “Sorry, no…all the employees here have red vests and tags that say ***** ******* on them.”

Lady: “But can you tell me where the golf clubs are?”

Me: “No, I don’t even live in this town [which was true]. I am just looking around.”

Lady: “Well, you’re no help. I might as well look in the other store.” *walks away in a huffy mood*

Me, loudly: “MAYBE IF YOU PAID ME, I’D HELP!”

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Golly Gee, I’m So Smrt

, | | Right | April 9, 2008

Me: *notices woman walking into store* “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I see you have two DVDs for 10 dollars.”

Me: “Actually ma’am, that sale ended yesterday.”

Customer: “Well, I have to buy some for my son for Christmas, so maybe you can be a doll and ring them up for me for that price.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because that sale ended yesterday.”

Customer: “What difference is it to you the price you sell these DVD’s at?!”

Me: “My job…”

Customer: “How about it I give you $5.00?”

Me: “…sure.”

(I go and ring up the two DVDs, and take the woman’s money. With the five dollars she gave me, this adds up to the normal retail price so she’s saved nothing.)

Me: “Have a happy holiday, ma’am.”

Customer: *winks at me*

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