(I work in a computer store where the cashiers are tracked on how many emails they “capture.” It is based on a percentage; for example, if I have the potential to capture a hundred customers but only get ten, my ranking is 10%. It is a very screwed-up system because if some cashiers only have the potential to get one customer and get that email they receive 100%. This happens a lot to the people working at the service desk. Due to the fact that I am very fast, I always check out the most customers but have a low capture rate because of this. My store manager has pulled me in to discuss how I can do better.)

Store Manager: “You’re just not contributing enough to this company. There is no reason you shouldn’t be getting a better percentage ranking.”

Me: “Well, I check out the most customers, so my ratios would be harder to hit. I mean, I checked out over two hundred people and captured almost sixty emails.”

Store Manager: *pulls our ranking sheet* “You see, [Corwoker #1] has 100% and you work the same shifts.”

Me: “Yes, we do, but he works over at the service desk. You can see he only had the option for five customers and only got five emails.”

Store Manager: “That is no excuse.”

Me: “So, let me just get this straight. I captured sixty emails but he only captured five, but because he received 100% he is doing more for the company than I am?”

Store Manager: “YES!”

(I walked out of the office at that point. Another time when I had busted my butt one day my front end supervisor said that out of everyone I needed the most improvement because of my email captures. If you looked at the list, I had the highest amount of email captures, but it was only maybe 60% of the customers I had, so my ranking was the lowest. But what does that matter when my coworker over here got one of one and had 100%?)

(I work registers at a popular supermarket chain. I’ve just finished with a customer, and have handed her her change and receipt. The customer shuffles off to the side as I get started on the next lot of groceries.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but I think you’ve given me the wrong change.”

Me: “Have I? I’m very sorry. Unfortunately, you’ll have to wait for a moment. I’ve started scanning through the next customer’s groceries, and I won’t be able to open the till until I’ve finished with them.”

Customer: *in an annoyed tone* “Fine, I’ll wait.”

(As I continue helping the current customer, the other one begins counting her money again.)

Customer: “Wow, you’ve done this really wrong. I don’t know how on Earth you could have possibly done this so wrong.”

Me: “Once again, I’m very sorry. I’ll be happy to fix it in a moment.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. This change isn’t even close to being correct.”

(I continue putting through my current customer’s groceries, and all the while, this other customer is telling me off. She never says it outright, but by now she seems to be under the impression that I’ve intentionally short-changed her, as it is the only reasonable explanation as to how I could have gotten her change so wrong. Finally, I finish with my current customer, handing her her change and receipt. Now I’m ready to help the other customer out with her change.)

Customer: “Finally.”

(As she says this, she looks down at the change in her hand again.)

Customer: “Oh, hang on. No, this is correct.”

(She walked off without so much as a sorry. The worst part? I was so distracted by her basically accusing me of stealing from her all this time, I actually did miscount the change for the customer I’d been helping out at the time. She understood, though, and was very nice about it. Needless to say, I was very careful counting out change for the rest of my shift.)

(I am overseeing the self-serve registers at my work. A frequent problem is that the machines are a little slow waking up when a customer starts scanning items and take a few seconds to register the first item. In this time, customers sometimes start running other items past the scanner and into their bags without realising that they’re not being scanned. From here, the machine will throw up a good old “unexpected item in the bagging area” message. Fun times. One day, I notice a customer go through this exact problem. Her first item’s taken a while to register, and as the machine’s been thinking about it, she’s tried to run a second item through, only for it not to scan, and then have the machine throw her a message. Unfortunately, whereas most customers notice this message and stop, some don’t.)

Me: “Excuse me. Sorry, but that item you’ve just put through hasn’t scanned properly, I’m afraid.”

(I get rid of the error message and scan the item again. This time it works. Problem solved.)

Me: “That should be good to go now.”

Customer: “I’m sorry, what was the problem?”

Me: “You hadn’t actually scan that item.”

Customer: “I hadn’t scanned it, or the machine hadn’t scanned it?”

Me: “The machine was a bit slow registering your first item, and didn’t realise you’d tried to scan a second one. Don’t worry; it happens all the time. These machines aren’t the best, and sometimes they make mistakes. I’ve fixed it for you now, though. You should be good to keep going.”

Customer: “I’ve never been spoken to so rudely.”

Me: *caught slightly off guard* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “How can you speak to a customer like that?”

(I genuinely have no idea what I’ve done to offend her like this, but she’s clearly angry.)

Me: “I didn’t mean to cause offence. I sincerely apologise if I said anything to offend you. I assure you I meant no harm.”

Customer: “What’s your name?”

Me: *pointing at my name tag* “My name is [My Name].”

Customer: “Well, [My Name], I’m going to put in a complaint about you. This is totally unreasonable.”

Me: “If you think that’s best, then please, go ahead. I’m am genuinely very sorry, though.”

Customer: “Oh, you should be sorry, [My Name]. You should be.”

Me: “I am, but if you want to put in a complaint, then please go ahead. I understand completely.”

Customer: “My husband is a manager at [Old Name for the chain of stores I work at that’s not been used for years]. Just you wait. I’m going to tell him all about you, [My Name]. I’m going to give him an absolutely scathing review of you. Don’t you worry about that.”

Me: “I understand. Once again, I am very sorry.”

Customer: “Oh, you should be, you should be. Just wait and see.”

(The best part? She actually forgot her change after all that, so I went out of my way to chase her through the shopping centre and give it to her. Clearly, I am a very rude person, as only a rude person would go out of their way to do this. I don’t know what set her off like this. Maybe she thought I was accusing her of stealing. Maybe she was just having a bad day. Who knows? And no, nothing ever came of her threats to report me to her husband.)

(I work in a small hole-in-the-wall store that specializes mostly in gimmicky gifts and knick-knacks. Most of our stock is either on the floor or stored in cupboards under the displays. We also have a tiny storage closet that we put reserved items in, as well as our cleaning supplies. On this day a lady comes in and looks around at our stuff.)

Customer: “Do you have any of those bobbleheads based off of [Popular Video Game]? There’s none out here!”

Me: “Let me check.”

(I go through the cupboard under the bobbleheads and unfortunately don’t find any.)

Customer: “Can’t you check the back?”

Me: “Doubt we have any, but I’ll have a look.”

(Having been asked about “the back” numerous times, I’ve gotten into the habit of just walking into our storage closet and taking a short break since that usually appeases the customers. Sadly, this lady proves to be the exception.)

Me: *after spending six or so minutes in the closet* “Sorry, it looks like we’re out of that one. We can certainly order one in for you, though.”

Customer: “What? No! You weren’t gone for long enough. You can’t have checked the entire back!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but we’re very limited on storage space. Our back isn’t that big.”

Customer: “Go check again! You can’t have done it properly!”

(To try and calm her down, I go into the closet again and just play on my phone for a few minutes. Fortunately, it is a slow day and she is the only one there.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but it really looks like we’re out right now. I can still—“

Customer: “NO! You came out too quickly again! You didn’t check the entire back!”

Me: “I promise you, ma’am, there’s not much ‘back’ to check. Seriously, see for yourself.”

(I open the door to show her that the storage closet is literally maybe slightly bigger than a phone booth, with three shelves of reserved items, our broom, a hoover, and cleaning stuff.)

Me: “That’s all there is.”

(The lady stares dumbly at the closet for a moment, and then, to my shock, she charges inside.)

Customer: “It can’t be! You’ve got to have more back here! My nephew’s birthday is today! I need that bobblehead!”

(She starts pounding on the wall, pulling on the shelves, checking — I’m guessing — for some hidden switch that’ll reveal another secret area behind the closet.)

Customer: “THERE HAS TO BE MORE! WHERE’S THE REST OF YOUR BACK?”

Me: “Lady, that’s it! Our stock is either on the floor or in one of the cupboards on the floor. There’s no other area they could be!”

(The lady continues freaking out. By this point, she’s in danger of pulling the shelves clean off the walls and having the items on them fall on her. I finally have to step in and block her from the closet.)

Me: “Lady, seriously, I’m going to call the police and have you removed if you start destroying the store. I swear to God, there’s no more back; there’s no other place where we keep stock.”

Customer: “No, you have to have another back area! You need to have that bobblehead!”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand your distress, really I do. But as we’ve confirmed, we don’t have it. I can order it for you and have it here in two days via express post, but there’s no way I can get you one today.”

(I hate to admit it, but my heart breaks as this lady looks like she’s going to break down in tears.)

Customer: “But… but… I trusted you! I trusted you to have my nephew’s gift! You’ve ruined everything! Why won’t you show me where the real back is?”

(She left the store in defeat, and sadly, we’ve yet to see her again — seriously, I really didn’t want to upset her that much. I know customers are insistent as h*** about “the back” having everything they’re shopping for, but that’s the only time I’ve witnessed how deep their denial can go if you don’t have what they’re after.)

(I am working electronics and a man comes in asking about our TVs.)

Customer: “So, which one is your biggest?”

Me: “Which type did you want? We’ve got LCD—“

Customer: “Just the biggest.”

Me: *takes him over* “Well, this RCA is a bit clunky for a flat-screen, but it’s definitely the biggest one we have.”

Customer: “Great, I’ll take it.”

Me: “Okay, just give me a moment and I’ll have someone from maintenance to help get a boxed one from the back for you.”

(The guy working maintenance and I go to get the TV loaded onto a flat-bed trolley and he wheels it out for the customer.)

Customer: “Great! I’ve got some other stuff I want to get, so I’ll just bring that with me while I shop.” *goes to take the trolley*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you have to pay for that here. We can’t allow electronics items out of the department without being paid for.”

Customer: “But I have other things I have to get!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You have to either pay for it now or leave it here while you go get your other items and then we can have it brought to you at the front check-outs, but I can’t allow you to wheel it out without paying for it.”

(He instantly gets in my face, yelling about how this is terrible customer service, pointing at me threateningly, and telling me he’ll go elsewhere unless I let him wheel it out. This is setting off so many red flags for me, I stick to my guns.)

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir, but that is our policy and I can’t change it.”

Customer: “Fine! Then I’m never coming back!”

(He stares at me for a moment, as though hoping I’ll cave, but I just stare back, and then he turns and leaves. I don’t think he is out of earshot, but he keeps walking after I immediately turn to the maintenance guy and say:)

Me: “How much you want to bet he was going to try to steal it? Go get [Floor Manager].”

(While waiting for [Floor Manager], I immediately wrote down everything about the encounter, including a description of the guy, as best I could. I also phoned our other location across the river, as well as other stores in town that sell TVs, giving them a heads-up. In the end, I found out that the guy tried at another chain which I hadn’t thought of, because I didn’t know they sold TVs. He wasn’t successful there, either.)