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Give Them An Inch And They’ll Just Be Confused

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work for a salon furniture company and this customer has called in asking about the width of an item.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I was calling about [Item]. What is the width? It says 46.5″ but how long is that exactly?”

Me: “The width is as listed. The 46.5 inch measurement is correct.”

Customer: “Yeah, but how long is that? How long is 46.5 inches? How long is that exactly?”

Me: “It is exactly 46.5 inches, sir. That is the exact measurement.”

Customer: “No, how long is that exactly? Like I know is says 46.5 but how long is that??”

Me: “It is just under 4 feet, sir.”

Customer: “Cool, that is all I needed to know. Could have said that the first time.”

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Not Going To Slug It Out With You

| Melton Mowbray, England, UK | Home Improvement, Language & Words, Popular

(I am the customer in this story. I am exhausted from lack of sleep and have nipped out to get slug killer after finding slugs in the garden. I pick up two large containers and a bottle of ant killer too. I am a small female. Upon going to the checkout…)

Till Lady: “Good morning, how are you?”

Me: *calmly* “I’m going on a murderous rampage.”

Till Lady: *eyes go wide*

Me: “In my garden. Slugs and ants can suck it today!”

Till Lady: *pause* “Do you want a bag?”

(Sorry for scaring you!)

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Disassociated

| NY, USA | At The Checkout

(I am the guilty party in this one. My store has a single queue which leads to a line of eight registers. Cashiers press a button which sounds off “Cashier number three, please,” in order to call the next customer. I am shopping in another location of my store in a different city.)

Speaker: “Cashier number five, please.”

Me: *walks to register six, puts my items down*

Cashier: *with the bored look of someone who goes through this fifty times a day* “I’m on this side, miss.”

Me: “Oh, god. Hi! You won’t believe this after what I just did, but I have an associate discount…” *pulling out card*

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Gonna Make You Valentine’s Pay

| WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Popular

(I’m working at a retail store that gets enormously popular around and on Valentine’s Day. This is February 13th, about 45 minutes after close. My coworker is in the back; I’m straightening up out front.)

Customer: *banging on the door* “Hey, let me in!”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t. It’s 45 minutes after close, and we’ve zeroed out the registers. You’ll have to come back tomorrow.”

Customer: “What?! Are you kidding me! It’s f****** Valentine’s Day, you dumb b****! Let me in there!”

Me: “Absolutely not!”

(He continues berating me through the door and pounding on it for about five minutes while I ignore him. My coworker comes out from the back.)

Coworker: “Keep that up and I’ll call the cops, a**-hole!”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(He leaves.)

Me: “Let’s stay in here for a bit and make sure he leaves. I don’t know what he thought we were gonna do for him! If you need a gift that badly, maybe you should go shopping for it before 11:45 the day before you need it!”

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App-parently Stupid

| Opelika, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Popular, Technology

(I work in a chat center contracted to a large cell phone carrier. My department covers their customer care and sales chats. Currently, there is a special in which iPhones are $99 with a two-year contract. The following is an interaction between my coworker who works sales and a customer.)

Customer: “Hi! I was just wondering… How much is the $99 iPhone?”

Coworker: “It’s $99.”

Customer: “Oh, gosh, thank you so much! That is a lot less than what I was expecting!”

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