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Folding Back

| Woking, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I work in a high-end concession in a large department store. On this occasion, I am helping a colleague from another concession with a customer who has spent hundreds of pounds on dozens of items. I begin to fold the items in the way I have been trained, wrapping them in tissue paper.)

Customer: “Stop it. You’re doing it wrong!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, madam, is there a way you would prefer them to be folded?”

Customer: *in an irate tone* “No, let me do it myself.”

(The customer folds up her own items, which I had no problem with until…)

Customer: *angrily* “Don’t be offended.”

Me: “I’m not offended at all; I know everyone has their own particular way they like to fold.”

Customer: “No, you were just doing it wrong. Don’t be offended.”

Me: “I’m very sorry about that, madam.”

Customer: “Well, I am older therefore I know better than you. See, now my clothes won’t get creased in the bag. You would have creased them horribly. But, don’t be offended.”

(My colleague tells the customer her total, who then proceeds to rant about how pleased her husband will be that she spent so little, and she deserves much, much more out of him. She then decides she would like to keep the hangers and rams them into the bag with her clothes, crushing them into the bottom of the bag.)

Customer: “You had better not be offended, and you had better learn how to stop clothes creasing!”

(The customer stomps off with her over-full bag.)

Colleague: *to me* “I hope you aren’t offended!”

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Smoked Sausage

| Leicestershire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I’m working the till on a morning shift in the middle of the week and it’s fairly quiet, as it’s the time of day when most people are at work or school, when a customer walks up to the bakery stand and makes a show of reading the labels on the bags of sausage rolls.)

Customer: *loudly, but to nobody in particular* “Good!”

(He walks up to my till and places a couple of bags of the sausage rolls and a few other items on it.)

Customer: *sounding very proud of himself* “I saw there weren’t any genetically modified ingredients on the label. It says if they are now.” *Note that such a law has been recently implemented in the USA, but it’s been the case here for over a year* “It’s important to be careful about what you eat.”

(I didn’t want to argue, so I just nodded and brought up the weather. After I ring up his purchases…)

Me: “Can I get you anything else?”

Customer: “25 grams of [Rolling Tobacco].”

(After I handed it over, he didn’t bother to check the label.)

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Ripping Apart Their Excuses

| MD, USA | Crazy Requests

(I’m putting away items when the new associate approaches me. It is only her second or third shift.)

Coworker: *nervously* “Do we discount damaged items? The lady at the register is asking.”

(Giving her a smile, I follow her back to the registers to handle the situation.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “This coat has a huge rip it in! You have to discount it for me.” *she shoves the coat in my face*

(I take the coat from her and start trying to look for what she’s talking about. Clearly upset that I won’t take her word for it she points at a few threads sticking out of the seam, which is in no way a rip/tear in the coat.)

Me: “Ma’am, this is excess thread from when they were serging the seams, not a rip. It’s perfectly normal on clothing items that are mass produced.”

Customer: *getting more upset that I won’t mark the brand new item down for her* “You should still discount it.”

Me: “I would be happy to get you another one from the back. Since the jackets are so large, we only keep one of each size out.”

(While explaining this, I grab a pair of scissors and snip off the threads so that the coat looks just like all the other ones.)

Customer: “It’s going to get a hole in it now!”

(I give the woman a steady look before taking hold of the jacket and tugging with some force at the spot I cut the thread from. Nothing happens to the coat.)

Me: “No, I don’t think it is.”

(The customer purchased the coat, at full price, and left without another word.)

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This Customer Giving You An Earful

| MD, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(My store mostly sells gifts, but we have a rack of jewelry pieces, as well. I come around a display to check on a customer, and realize she has her hand to her ear, an expression of pain, and there’s blood on her hand.)

Customer: “I used to have my ears pierced when I was a baby, but they grew shut when I was in college. I was seeing if I could open them again with these earrings.”

(The woman was easily middle-aged, so her ears had healed decades before.)

Me: *horrified* “We don’t even allow pierced people to try on earrings for hygienic reasons, but definitely not to pierce ears!”

(She asks to use the bathroom to wash the blood, while I wipe down anything she touched with gloves and bleach, and throw out the earring she used and anything that she touched. She comes out of the bathroom.)

Customer: “Where can I get my ears pierced?”

Me: “There’s a tattoo and piercing parlor a block over.”

Customer: “A TATTOO place! Do you know how unhygienic that place could be?!”

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Fine Print And A Fine Wife

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(I get a page that a customer is heading to check out. I head over to the register to ring them up, an older couple holding one of our “take me” tags with item numbers on them.)

Me: “Hey, how was your shopping experience?”

Wife: “It was nice; we need two of these today, please.”

Husband: “They’re on sale.”

Me: “Great! Let me make sure we have them in stock.” *I page back to the warehouse and get the okay that we have them* “Okay, so we have them. Did you want us to have them built? It’s 80 a piece.”

Wife: *pointing to husband* “That’s what he is for.”

(All three of us laugh, I begin scanning in the numbers they come up 219.99.)

Husband: “That’s wrong; you have a sign that says 40% off!”

Me: *dreading this since it will be the fourth time today dealing with this issue* “Well, sir… it actually it’s up to 40% off on select—”

Husband: “Right, select, and it was part of it!”

Wife: “Calm down.”

Me: “I will check for you but I am pretty sure this is not part of this offer.”

(Still remaining calm I page back to a coworker who checks and it comes back not on sale no signs are near it either.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that desk is not part of—”

Husband: “That is false advertising!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way but it is no—”

Husband: “Yes, it is! There are signs everywhere!” *points to the first sign walking in the door about the up to* “See? How was I supposed to know it’s not one of the select ones?!”

Me: “Well, sir, if you read the fin—”

Husband: “The fine print, missy. I am—”

Me: “Sir, please refrain from calling me by anything other than my name, [My Name].”

Husband: “Now, listen here, m—”

Wife: “Enough, [Husband]. Leave the girl alone. I told you it wasn’t on sale. [My Name], please ring this up, I saw that if I have a rewards I can save 10%. Is this true?”

Me: “Yes, may I have your phone number?”

Wife: “Of course.” *glaring at her husband, gives the number*

(Her husband has snuck outside to smoke.)

Wife: “I’m sorry about him. He tries this all the time.”

Me: “No worries, I’m just glad I could help you out. Would you like one of us to load these into your car?”

Wife: *thinks for a moment and smirks* “No, I think I will have [Husband] do it; maybe it will teach him.”

Me: *laughs* “Well, if you decided he has learned his lesson feel free to ask for our help. Good luck; have a great day!”

Wife: “Thanks for the help.” *leaves as I look out the window I see her ripping him a new one and he comes in to get the desks refusing to look at me*

Me: “Have a great day, sir!”

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