(I work at a card store in the mall that has a rewards card program. It’s free and employees don’t get anything if we sign someone up, so we never push it. We ask at checkout if they have a rewards card, and that’s it. Still, often times people feel compelled to tell me a really long story about why they don’t have, want, or need one. A customer comes up to the register and I guess he’s decided that I’m going to try to push the rewards card on him. He puts his cards on the counter and I start to ask him if he found everything okay, but he cuts me off and says:)

Customer: “I’m going to say no to everything you ask me.”

(I can tell that he’s trying to be funny, but I have legitimate questions I need to ask. I smile and as I ring him up I say:)

Me: “Okay, well, I’m sorry, but there are some things I have to ask you; it’s just company policy. Do you have a–“ (“–rewards card?”)

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Would you like–“ (“–seals?” They’re these free stickers we give out that go on the back of the cards.)

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you–“ (“–need envelopes?” since he’s brought up two cards without their envelopes.)

Customer: “No.”

(He gets a big smile as he’s cutting me off and I’m starting to get a little annoyed now, but I tell him his total and he gives me cash. Then I say:)

Me: “Do you–“ (“–need a bag?”)

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Would you–“ (“–like a receipt?”)

Customer: “No.”

(I’m tired of his little game, so I instead of just giving it to him, I ask:)

Me: “Do you–“ (“–want your change?”)

Customer: “No.”

(He’s standing there with his un-bagged cards with two envelopes missing as I take his receipt and put it on the stack of unwanted ones.)

Me: “Okay, have a great day!”

(His big smile is gone. He looks at his cards, looks at me, and says:)

Customer: “Um, where’s my change?”

(I haven’t actually closed the register all the way because I figured this would happen. As I get him his change, I say:)

Me: “Sorry, I tried to ask if you wanted it, but you said no.”

(We stand there in silence for a moment. Then, with an annoyed little huff, he says:)

Customer: “Are you going to bag them?”

Me: “I’d be happy to. I thought you didn’t want one since you said no when I asked.”

(He goes on to ask for envelopes, his receipt, and even seals, getting more and more irritated each time I cheerfully explain that he said no. Once he’s finally got everything, he heads for the door. There is a woman browsing near the exit, who I guess is with him because as he walks up she stops browsing and leaves with him. I hear him tell her:)

Customer: “That girl at the register has no idea what she’s doing.”

(I am shopping with my boyfriend. I’m 20 and he is 21. I am helping him pick out jeans when a girl who looks about 15 years of age comes up to us; she is wearing red hipster sunglasses and a red One Direction T-shirt.)

Girl: “Hello, mind if I tell you guys something?”

Me: *curious* “Go ahead!”

(Suddenly, “What Makes You Beautiful” starts playing from somewhere. This girl sings us the whole song with dance moves and everything.)

Girl: *after the song is finished* “I really meant what I said; you are very pretty and your friend is quite handsome. Stay you and don’t change.” *walks away smiling*

Boyfriend: “That was interesting, but it made my day.”

 Me: “Yeah, that was very sweet.”

(A couple of minutes later, we see her singing to an old couple. The manager walks up.)

Manager: “Excuse me miss, please turn off your music and exit the store. You are disrupting the customers.”

Girl: “Oh, did you receive a complaint?”

Manager: “No, but I think you are being annoying and pestering our customers. This is obviously a YouTube stunt, and I don’t appreciate it.”

Girl: “The only thing hidden here is my amp; I have no cameras. I just believe the world should smile a little more often and cry a little less, so I make people smile by singing to them, which will hopefully prevent them from crying for a bit.”

Manager: *shocked* “Well, I’m sure these customers did not enjoy it.” *gestures to older couple*

Older Woman: “I loved it; she made my day!”

Boyfriend: “She made mine, as well!”

 (She left with the older couple, leaving the manager standing there shocked.)

(My friend’s mother owns a psychic shop, and he works there. They use his old laptop as the business computer, and it’s seen better days. I am there helping him fix it one day when a customer comes in.)

Customer: *to me* “You should talk to it!”

(I don’t realize he is talking to me as I don’t work there and have my back to him, so I ignore him.)

Customer: “Hey! Don’t ignore me!”

(I turn around, startled.)

Me: “Oh, hey. Sorry, man, didn’t know you were talking to me. I don’t work here.”

Customer: “You should talk to it!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “The computer! Talk to it!”

Me: *pause* “Well, the microphone’s been broken for about a year n—“

Customer: “No, no, I don’t mean into a mic; just talk to the computer!”

Me: “I… Wha—“

Customer: “The good vibes from your voice resonate with the energy field of the computer and fix all of the problems it might be going through.”

(I had absolutely no idea what to say, so my friend stepped in and directed his attention away from me, and I sneaked off with the laptop to the back room. Later, when I was leaving, the customer was waiting outside for me and got excited when he saw me through the window. I pretended to be adjusting a speaker in the corner by the door, then went back to the back room. Never saw him again.)

(I am working in the electronics department of a big box store. The newest version of an Apple product has just come out, and we can’t keep them in stock; as soon as we get a few in, they’ll be sold that day or the next. A customer is asking about them, and we are currently out of stock.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We’re out of them right now, but check back tomorrow; we may get some in on tonight’s truck.”

Customer: “May? You don’t know if some are coming in?”

Me: “No, ma’am, they don’t really tell us what’s on the truck; they just send it.”

Customer: “But how can you not know? Doesn’t someone order them?”

Me: “No, it’s all done by computer. When we sell a certain number of something, the system reorders automatically.”

Customer: “But… so you can’t check if there are any on the truck?”

Me: “I have no way of doing that; I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Okay… Well, then, can you put me on the list?”

Me: “List?”

Customer: “Yeah, the list. Like, I give you my name and number and you call me when they come in.”

Me: “We don’t really do that; it’s basically first-come, first-served.”

Customer: “No, I’m going to give you my name and number.”

(She rips off a piece of receipt paper and starts writing.)

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have a program like that. We don’t do waiting lists.”

(She slides the paper to me with a smile.)

Customer: “There. Just call me.”

Me: *slides it back to her* “We don’t do that.”

Customer: “But you have my name. I’m going to leave that with you and you just call me.”

Me: “You can leave that paper here, but no one is going to call you. We do not do that here.”

Customer: “Okay… I hope you get some soon.”

(She leaves. I assume she has finally figured it out and is off to another store to try to find one. I think that is the end of it, but a week later, the same lady is back. I have dyed my hair so I guess she doesn’t recognize me. I have just sold the last of a new batch of [items].)

Customer: “Excuse me? Hi, my name is [Customer] and I left my name and number here about a week ago. Y’all were supposed to call me when you got some [items] in. But I saw that guy just bought one! Why didn’t you call me? I want one!”

Me: “That was the last one. And I told you last week we don’t do that here!”

Customer: “Oh, it was you… But I gave you my name and number!”

(Our store is collecting change for a local charity that works with homeless men. As our town already has several excellent charities for families and women, this smaller group is working to help those who have previously been overlooked, and is having great success. To encourage giving, the change jar has a sign that reads, “Your change helped a homeless man buy boots so he can go to work.” I’m ringing up a woman who has been a bit brusque but otherwise polite. It’s late 2018, well after the presidential elections. As I’m ringing the woman up, she sees the change jar and makes a disapproving sound.)

Customer: “That’s not right, you know. I don’t approve. I don’t believe in helping those who won’t work.”

Me: *totally caught off guard* “Well, ma’am, that’s the goal: to help them get to the point where they can work.”

Customer: “They’re lazy and we’d be better off without them all.”

Me: *thinking: “Wait, you’d rather they just died?”* “Well, illnesses, both physical and mental, are the leading causes of homelessness. A lot of those men would love to live normal lives but can’t afford the medical care needed to get there. This group works with each one, ensuring they have the basic necessities like food and shelter, and then helps them navigate the next steps so they can hopefully get off the streets. It’s obviously more complex than that, but that’s the basic—“

Customer: “I just don’t think my hard-earned money should pay for them.”

Me: “No worries; you don’t have to give—“

Customer: “Trump’s going to fix that, you know.”

Me: “I… Excuse me?”

Customer: “He’s going to help them and fix things. Hilary wouldn’t, you know. Trump will.”

Me: “I… You… So, the Republican plan is to discourage local, grass-roots charities, and to instead fix things with federal-level programs?”

Customer: “Yeah, sure. He’ll fix it.”

Me: *pause* “Here’s your change, ma’am. Have a nice day.”