Not. Funny.

| | Right | August 1, 2008

(I am folding clothes when I am approached by an angry looking customer. I turn to her, and she lowers her voice to almost a growl and narrows her voice.)

Customer: “I hate this store. I hate you because you work in it. I’m going to take it out on your family and kill them all.”

Me: *alarmed*

Customer: *glares

Me: “Is there anything…”

Customer: “HA! HA HA HA! FOOLED YOU! You should have SEEN your face! Got you!” *strolls off*

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The Fairweather Fan

| | Right | July 31, 2008

(In my line are a preteen girl, an older woman behind her, and lastly a middle-aged woman.)

Me: “Can I have your zip code, please?”

Young girl: “Wait, what?”

Me: “We’re just doing a survey.”

Middle-aged woman: “Don’t listen to her, honey. You don’t have to give her any information if you don’t want to. They’re just going to use it to help the government to watch you! The government is already in enough things. You shouldn’t give them any more opportunities to watch what you’re doing! I never give my information when sales girls ask for it; that’s my right, and it’s your right to refuse!”

Young girl: “Um…”

Me: *I punch in my own zip code* “It’s fine, never mind. That’ll be $6.34.”

(Next is the older woman…)

Older woman: “You can have my zip code. I shop here all the time, and I love getting coupons and fliers in the mail because the company knows people in my town shop here often. In fact, I have a coupon with me today!”

Me: “Well, thank you, ma’am!”

(The older woman pays and leaves and I ring up the middle-aged woman’s purchases. I punch in my own zip code again for her because I don’t want to hear another speech about the government stalking people via zip code.)

Me: “That’ll be $24.56.”

Middle-aged woman: “What? I wanted to give you my zip code!”

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She Said, He Said

| | Right | July 31, 2008

(I’m the electronics specialist at my store, and all electronic products go through me at some point before they are put out on the floor.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a video game for my son. Can you find someone to help me with that?”

Me: “Oh, sure. Which game system did you want it for?”

Customer: “Oh no, not you. Can you find someone else? ”

Me: “Well, there’s nobody else in this department right now who has access to the video games. It’s gonna have to be me.”

Customer: “I mean, you’re a GIRL. What do you know? I demand that someone with more… well, I want a guy to help me. I’ll wait.”

Me: “Sure… I’ll call someone to come over.”

(I call over my male co-worker on the walkie who arrives about ten minutes later. My coworker gives me a weird look.)

Coworker: “Okay… what did you need, sir?”

(The customer starts rattling off a ton of technical questions about the compatibility of certain games and accessories, as well as questions about the content of each game.)

Coworker: “Uhh… I don’t really know. You should ask her. She IS the Electronics Specialist…”

Customer: “WHAT?! HOW?! She’s… a… GIRL! Well, I still want you to help me.”

(My coworker and I follow this customer around for about 20 minutes as he asks questions to my coworker, who in turn asks ME. When I answer, the customer tunes out, so that my coworker has to repeat what I said.)

Customer: “Now, was that so hard?”

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Speed Bumps With Name Tags

| | Right | July 30, 2008

(I’m picking up overstock on the floor, and an elderly lad hits my heel with her shopping cart.)

Me: “Ow!”

(The elderly lady proceeds to RAM the shopping cart into my foot until she succeeds in rolling over it completely.)

Me: “OWW! OWWWWW!”

Elderly lady: “Hmmm? Ehhh? Did I bump ya?”

Me: “You rammed right over my foot!”

Elderly lady: “Well, it shouldn’t be on the floor.”

Me: “… I’m going on my break.”

(Turns out she bruised a bone in my foot and tore a ligament by ramming into it.)

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We All Snap At Some Point

| | Right | July 29, 2008

(I work at a store that is open 24/7, and only closed for 36 hours out of the entire year.  Around EVERY holiday, there is someone who calls the store wondering if the store is open. This past 4th of July, I decided to have a little fun with it.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store].¬†How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi,¬†I was wondering if you guys were open today?”

Me: “No, I’m the only one here to answer the phone.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I’m out in the parking lot and there are a lot of cars parked out here.”

Me: “Yeah, I like to drive a lot.”

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