icon_homeimprovement

Sadly The Laws Of Physics Are Rock Solid

| USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(My company sells materials for landscaping, patios, etc. We just sell the material; we don’t install it.)

Me: *answering phone* “[Business].”

Customer: “Hi, I need to get a small dump truck of river rock delivered to [Address].”

Me: “Absolutely. It will be [amount] and we can get it delivered this afternoon, if that works for you?”

Customer: “Okay. Will he be able to get in the backyard?”

Me: “As long as there are no fences or trees in the way he should be able to, but he’ll have to look at it when he gets there.”

Customer: “My gate is four feet wide. That’s enough, right?”

Me: “No, sir, he usually needs gates to be eight-ten feet wide depending on the area. If that’s the only way to get to your backyard, unfortunately he will have to dump your rock in the front yard.”

Customer: “Okay, well, he’ll just need to wheelbarrow it into the backyard for me, then.”

(Keep in mind, we just sell and deliver. We’re not landscapers, and this customer apparently thinks the driver moving 16,000 pounds of rock with a wheelbarrow is included in his delivery charge. I pause for the laugh at his own joke I expect, but it does not come.)

Me:“No, sir. He will not be able to move anything with a wheelbarrow. We just deliver the material with the truck and get as close as we can to where you want it.”

(The customer then repeatedly demanded to know why we can’t fit the truck into his backyard, despite my explanation that the truck itself is wider than 4 feet. A landscaping company later picked it up for him.)

icon_puns

Seriously Thinks He’s Punny

| PA, USA | Puns

(I’m a female cashier for a national grocery chain. A male customer comes up.)

Me: “Hey, how’s it going? Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “No, not really. I found everything all left!”

Me: *laughs weakly, continues scanning*

(We finish up, and he wants to pay with EBT. No problem, except that the card reader can’t read his card.)

Me: “Okay, that’s weird. We’ll just enter in the card manually.”

Customer: “We’ll do it WOmanually!”

Me: “…”

icon_liarsscammers

Many A Slip Twixt Cup And Scam

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I work the registers at a big box retailer. At the end of every transaction, I look down the line to make sure there aren’t any special attention items coming my way. A customer has a large stack of $1 cups in his basket the first time I look at him, but they are gone the second.)

Me: “Hello! How are you doing today? Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m okay.”

(At this point I’ve already scanned three items, and sure enough every one of them has rung up as a cup. My favorite way to deal with shoplifters is to pretend to be completely dense, while talking loudly about their shoplifting.)

Me: “Well, that’s very strange. Somehow those last three items got the wrong label on them. Let me just take a moment and fix that.”

Customer: *looks up from his wallet* “Oh, um. That’s fine.”

(I continue to scan his order, removing every single cup label from every item.)

Me: “Boy, this is just so strange. I don’t know how this could have happened. But strange things seem to happen around here from time to time.”

Customer: “Uh… haha, yeah. I… I don’t know how that happened either.”

Me: “Well, your total comes to $245.50.”

Customer: “Hey uh, I… I left my uh, wallet in the car. I’m going to go get that.”

Me: “Okay, well, we can hold on to your order for up to 24 hours.”