You Were Asking For It

| USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

(We are encouraged to ask our customers what brings them into the store. Here are the responses we usually get:)

Retail Worker: “Hi, what brings you in today?”

Customer #1: “I’m fine, thanks.”

Retail Worker: “Hi, what brings you in today?”

Customer #2: “No thanks, just looking.”

Retail Worker: “Hi, what brings you in today?

Customer #3: *stares, blinks, no answer*

Retail Worker: “Hi, what brings you in today?

Customer #4:  “Jesus Christ.”

Retail Worker: “Hi, what brings you in today?

Customer #5: “I’m not done shopping.”

Should Print Them Out A Copy Of The Law

| USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name] in the print department; what can I help you with?”

Customer:” I need to speak with someone in the print department.”

Me: “Yes, I am in the print department; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Can you make copies?”

Me: “Yes, we can make copies.”

Customer: “So, can you, like, make copies of a large $600 book?”

Me: “Well, the first question I need to ask is: is the book copyrighted?”

Customer:“Yeah. I’m not gonna lie; it is.” *giggles nervously*

Me: “Well then, as reproducing copyrighted items is illegal without express permission from the publisher and creator, we cannot.”

Customer: “So since it is illegal, you can’t?”

Me: “That is correct.”

Customer: “Can’t you just do it anyway?”

iFraud

| MA, USA | Liars & Scammers

(I’m working the customer service desk at my store when a young, tearful boy approaches the desk with his mother.)

Boy: “Hello, I wanted to see if you could help me. I think I dropped my iPod somewhere in the store, and I can’t find it. Is it in the lost-and-found?”

(I check out our safe and find nothing. The child’s mother tells me the model of the iPod, and the color. It’s a slightly older model, by a year, that we no longer even sell.)

Mother: “It also has his name engraved on the back, so it’s hard to miss.”

Me: “Okay, I’ve made a note on that. Can I have your phone number? If it shows up, we’ll call you to come pick it up. I’m really sorry about that.”

(The mother gives me her number, the boy thanks me, and they take off. Not ten minutes later, two teenage girls approach me.)

Girl #1: “Yeah, we want to return this iPod but we don’t have a box or receipt for it.”

Girl #2: “Yeah, it was, like, a gift.”

(They slide an older, slightly battered iPod across the counter, matching the color of the one reported lost.)

Me: “How long ago did you purchase this?”

Girl #1: “We bought it here, like, a week ago. We want a refund.

(I turn it over to reveal the boy’s name engraved on the back.)

Me: “Nice try. Get out.”

Walk A Mile In His Shirts

| Hawthorne, NJ, USA | Bizarre

(I am working on the register, totaling a customer.)

Next Customer: “Can I ask for some help?”

(I decide to multi-task.)

Me: “Of course.”

Next Customer: “My son wears a size six in shirts. What’s his shoe size?”

Me: “…”

Wish It Had Taken A Quarter Of The Time

| WA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money, Wild & Unruly

(A mother and her adult daughter come into our store and proceed to be all kinds of trouble to everyone they see, including calling one of my coworkers a “little person” (and she’s around 5’6″, same as they are), knocking a child down with their cart “because she won’t move,” demanding products we don’t have, trying to go into employees-only areas, etc. FINALLY they come up to my register, where they break something and blame it on me, even though it hasn’t even come out of their cart yet. They also lecture me for five minutes about how my job is “not a joke” for no reason. After they go to leave, the mom comes back and wants to cut line and buy a candy bar. I just let her so that she’ll leave faster, and ask a coworker to hop on another register to serve the people who are waiting.)

Me: “Okay, that will be $2.99.”

(She hands me a $5 bill. I open my cash drawer to realize I just ran out of $1 bills. The manager who can get me change has just been called away.)

Me: “Do you mind if $1 of your change is in quarters? I just ran out of $1 bills and it will be a few minutes to get more.”

Customer: “No, that’s fine.”

(I proceed to hand her four quarters, a $1 bill, and a penny: $2.01 change.)

Me: “Here you go. Sorry again about the quarters. Have a good one.”

Customer: “Thanks!”

(Suddenly, the daughter LUNGES at me.)

Daughter: “YOU DIDN’T GIVE PROPER CHANGE! THAT IS NOT THE RIGHT CHANGE! FIX IT!”

Me: “Um, it is the proper change, $2.01. I gave her $1 in quarters because I ran out of bills.”

Customer: “Yes, honey, this is correct. I need the quarters anyway.”

Daughter: “NO! IT IS NOT RIGHT! GIVE HER THE RIGHT CHANGE NOW!”

(I’ve had it with these two at this point, so I take the change back from the customer and lay it on the counter.)

Me: “Okay, let’s count. $1, that is the bill. $1.25, bill plus one quarter. $1.50, bill plus two quarters. $1.75, bill plus three quarters. $2.00, bill plus four quarters. Four quarters makes a dollar, you see? And finally, $2.01; bill plus four quarters plus a penny. That is the correct change.”

(The mother is embarrassed at this point, but doing nothing to stop her daughter.)

Daughter: “NO! IT’S NOT RIGHT! YOU’RE TRYING TO STEAL FROM MY MOM!”

Me: “I literally have no other way I can explain this. I will call a manager.”

(I had to call a manager to confirm to the daughter that I gave her mother proper change. She still didn’t get it, and her mother just dragged her out yelling. How do you make it to around at least 25 years old without knowing four quarters makes a dollar?)

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