A Cereal Liar

| FL, USA | Bad Behavior

(The store I work at lets us wear whatever we want as long as it is all black. We also wear a multi-colored, neon bright nametag and an apron. I am in the cereal aisle, standing on a ladder, stocking boxes and talking to a regular customer. She works at our City Hall and is wearing a suit. A man walks into the aisle spins around for a second and then asks the woman where a product is. I start to answer him but he angrily snaps.)

Customer: “You need to stop talking and wait your turn!”

(The woman gives her best smile and gives him convoluted directions that basically take him all through the store and then back to the cereal aisle. Ten minutes later she is gone and he is back in the aisle. He comes again to the same exact spot, spins around looking and then looks at me, throwing his hands up in frustration.)

Me: “It’s behind you.”

Framing Your Family

| UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

(I’m showing a customer our range of picture frames.)

Customer: “How big is 8″ by 10″?”

(I pick up a frame of that size and hand it to her.)

Customer: “How big is it though?”

Me: “That big.” *pointing at the frame*

Customer: *stares at the frame blankly before moving on* “What about this?”

Me: “It’s 4″ by 5″. It would accommodate a picture that is a quarter the size of the one in your hand.”

Customer: *waving her hands wildly* “That makes no sense!”

Me: “Umm, perhaps if you tell me the size of the picture you want to frame, I can show you what we have?”

Customer: “Don’t you give me a picture?”

Me: “We have some available for purchase.”

(I show her our collection.)

Me: “Is there any that take your fancy?”

Customer: *after looking over the selection* “Do you have any with my grandchildren?”

Me: “…”

A New Line Of Enquiry

| Kent, England, UK | Kent, England, UK | Technology

(I answer the phone.)

Customer: “I bought a laptop from you three weeks ago.”

Me: “Okay…” *expecting customer to say there is a problem*

Customer: “I’m filling in an online form and I need to tick a box. How do I tick it?”

Me: *barely containing laughter* “On the touchpad at the bottom there are two buttons. You need to move the cursor over the tick box and click the left button.”

Customer: “But there aren’t two buttons, only a line.”

Being A Queen About It

| KY, USA | At The Checkout, Canada, Money

(The store I work for has several locations in Canada; therefore, company policy is that we accept Canadian money as well as American and the associates have to be familiar with what Canadian currency looks like compared to American. My store isn’t close to the border, so we don’t get Canadian currency a lot. I’m ringing up a customer who’s paying cash.)

Me: “So out of twenty-five dollars and thirty cents?”

Customer: “Yes, ma’am!”

Me: *I go to put the cash in the till when I realize something off* “Oh, sir, do you have another quarter? This is a Canadian dollar coin.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t; it’s a quarter! We don’t use dollar coins here!”

Me: “I know this, sir, but this isn’t American currency. I can accept it as legal tender, or you can see if you have a quarter.”

Customer: “Of course it’s American currency! You just don’t want to accept it!” *scoffs* “Canadian.”

Me: “I apologize for the mix-up; it happens sometimes. People will get Canadian coins mixed in with American, but it’s not a problem to use it as legal tender here.”

Customer: “I only ever use American money, not some made-up Monopoly money!”

Me: “Sir, Canada is a real country, and this is a Canadian dollar coin. If you just look—”

Customer: “It’s an American quarter! Accept it!”

Me: “With all due respect, I’ll accept it as a quarter if you can tell me which American coin has the Queen of England on the face.”

Between The Has And The Has-Nots

| IL, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work at a store where most of our sales come from people buying gifts off of registries. We are no longer allowed to offer to print the entire list because our customers refuse to read so we have to just print the available items.)

Customer: “I need the registry for [Name].”

Me: *prints a copy* “Here you go! Let me know if you need help finding something!”

Customer: “But… how will I know if she already has something?”

Me: “If she already has it, it won’t be on the list.”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid*

Me: “…unless she asked for more than one of the exact same item but did not get the exact amount she wants. You only have a list of what she still needs.”

Customer: *condescendingly* “But this column says ‘has’!”

Me: “Right! And all the numbers in the ‘has’ column will be zero or at least less than the number in the ‘wants’ column!”

Customer: “So how will I know if she needs something!?”

Me: “If she needs it, it will still be on the list. Nothing that anyone else already fulfilled will even be on the paper. You can buy anything on the list!”

Customer: “Well, now I’m just confused.”

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