Returner Burner, Part 5

| Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work in a busy baby store where people always return nearly their entire purchases two weeks later.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to return these items.”

Me: “No problem. Do you have your receipt with you?”

Customer: “Yeah, here.”

(The customer hands me the receipt. I notice she is returning everything she purchased, at least 10 items, except a $5 t-shirt.)

Me: “Okay, so it will be [total] going back onto your card today?”

(The total was $5 less than the total she paid as she wasn’t returning the t-shirt.)

Customer: “What!? That isn’t right. I paid [total stated on receipt]. Why aren’t I getting all of it back. I should get all of it back!”

Me: “Um, madam—”

Customer: “See I will show you my bank statement”

Me: “Madam, the reason why you—”

(Before I can finish my sentence she starts shoving her phone in my face with her bank history on it.)

Customer: “See?! [Store] on the first of September, [total] was taken out of my account! Now give me that total back!”

(I begin to get annoyed so I raise my voice.)

Me: “I cannot return that total amount to you as you are not returning everything you purchased. You are not returning the t-shirt, is that correct?”

Customer: “Obviously.”

Me: “Therefore you will be getting the total amount back minus the cost of the t-shirt.”

Customer: “Well, you didn’t tell me that I wasn’t returning everything!”

(I completed the return just shaking my head. So did the customer waiting behind her.)

Returner Burner, Part 4
Returner Burner, Part 3
Returner Burner, Part 2


The Oprah Code

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading

(I’m working as a cashier. It’s late in the evening and things are slowing down for the night, so the other cashiers and I stand at the end of our lanes and chat with browsing customers until they’re ready to check out. There’s a rack of DVDs at the end of my lane, and an older customer stops to ask my opinion on some of them. I vaguely recognize she’s a regular, but I don’t remember many details, and she seems friendly enough.)

Customer: “What’s this ‘Game of Thrones’ like? I’ve heard of that one.”

Me: “Well, some people are really into it, but it’s really violent. I’m not a fan. I don’t know if you’d enjoy it.”

Customer: “Ooh, no, you’re right.”

(She picks up a copy of Lee Daniels’ “The Butler”, and sighs.)

Customer: “I just can’t trust Oprah anymore.”

Me: “Oh?”

Customer: “Since I found out she joined the Illuminati.”

Me: “OH!”

(I remembered why I recognized this regular.)


General Positioning Stress

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology

(The phone rings:)

Caller: “Hello, where is your store located?”

(I let them know the address and area landmarks.)

Caller: “Okay. Is that the nearest one to me?”

Me: “Um, well, I don’t know where you are currently located, so I’m not sure. We have several area locations.”

Caller: “Will you GPS some directions for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have the capabilities to do that, nor do I have your location. If you can tell me where you are right now, I can maybe give you some verbal directions.”

Caller: “I’m not telling you where I live! Just GPS it.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t believe I can help you. If you are located in [Town], we are your closest location.”


Me: “Yeah, I’m really sorry, but I don’t think you understand how GPS works. I’m sorry. Have a good day!” *click*


The Perfect Picture Of A Bad Customer

| OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in the electronics department of an extremely large global retail chain, which could frankly fill its own section of this website. Every couple of weeks we get a customer who understands very little about her devices, but treats our associates with incredible disrespect and rudeness and storms off before we have a chance to explain what she needs. I happen to draw the short straw this time.)

Customer: “I need to know how to download pictures from my phone to my computer so I can print them.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of camera do you have?”

Customer: *pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes as though praying for patience* “The KIND. That takes PICTURES.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but there are several different options available depending on the type of camera. Let’s try this another way: Does your camera have a slot called ‘SD Card’?”

Customer: *sighing, rolling her eyes* “Now how the h*** am I supposed to know that?!”

Me: “Sometimes it’s next to the battery compartment. Would you mind opening it up so I can check?”


Me: “Ma’am, rest assured that your pictures aren’t stored in the batteries.”

(At this point, the customer threatens to have my job if her pictures are deleted, calls me a pissant, and goes on a rant about retail workers while trying to open the compartment. Finally she manages it.)

Me: “Okay, your camera already has a Micro SD card in it. You’ll need to physically remove it to transfer your photos, since I see the USB slot is broken. We have some kiosks available that will allow you to print them off right now if you’d like.”

Customer: “No, because you guys keep copies of my photos and I don’t want that.”

Me: *losing patience a bit* “Ma’am, we have never kept a copy of anyone’s photo. We won’t return photos that are pornographic or copyrighted, but those go into the shredder, not our pockets. Now, your computer will need an SD card reader in order to—”

Customer: *doing the nose pinch thing again* “Yes, I already know that. Have a good day.” *storms off*

Me: “See you in a couple of weeks…”


Not Very Closed Minded, Part 23

| MI, USA | Time

(I work at a women’s clothing store where you can open a credit card. You can also pay off your card in the store at the registers, and often people will buy clothes with the card and then pay off that amount, or that amount and more off their store card. A woman walks in at about 8:30 one night to shop; she comes up to my register at 8:55. Like all of the stores in the shopping center we’re in, we close at 9. I’ve been working since 2 after having class all morning; I’m really ready to go home.)

Customer: *holds up her store card and a bank card, but doesn’t indicate which card she’s talking about when* “I’d like to pay with this card and then with this card to pay off the other card with this card.”

Me: *very confused* “I’m sorry, let me make sure I understand. You’d like to pay with your store card and then pay off your purchase with your bank card?”

Customer: *sighs loudly and looks at me like I’m an idiot* “No! I want to pay with this card—” *holds up bank card* “—and then make a payment on my store card.”

Me: “Oh, I see. I apologize for the confusion. Let me get that started for you.”

(I ring up her items and then begin the payment process.)

Me: “Okay, your total is [total] tonight. Is that a debit or credit card?”

Customer: “Oh, no. You know, I’d actually like to pay for this with my store card.”

Me: *growing increasingly frustrated, as at this point, it’s already 9:05* “No problem; let me go back a page and process it that way.”

(We finally get her transaction finished. I hand her her bag and then set up a store card payment.)

Me: “So we’ll be doing a payment of the amount of this purchase, correct?”

Customer: “Yes. $100.”

Me: “Okay, so $100 plus your purchase, so [new total].”

Customer: “No! Just $100! What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I misunderstood. Just $100 then.”

(I fix that and set up the payment.)

Customer: “Oh, I think I did my debit PIN wrong. Can I do it again?”

Me: *so done* “Absolutely.”

(We do this three more times until she decides that she’s forgotten her PIN for her card. She decides instead that she’s going to write a check. Now since it’s 2016 and no one uses checks regularly anymore AND they run a huge security risk for everyone involved, accepting checks is a long and extremely slow process. At this point it’s 9:10. The check finally goes through and I hand her her receipt. It’s 9:20.)

Me: “You’re all set! My manager will have to let you out because we’ve actually locked you in the store because you’ve been here so long past our closing time. Have a nice night!”

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 22
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 21
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 20

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