Making A Signature Mistake

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(A customer is paying with a credit card.)

Me: “May I see some ID, please?”

Customer: “Oh, of course. Here you go.”

Me: “Thank you. You really should sign the back of your credit card, you know.”

Customer: “Oh, I know. I leave it blank, so if it gets stolen, nobody can copy my signature!”

Me: “What’s to stop them from simply signing your name with their handwriting, and using your card?”

Customer: “Well, then they… Uh… Hm. Can I borrow a pen?”

Po-Lol

| IN, USA | Bizarre

Customer: *holding up a men’s shirt* “Excuse me, the sign over there says ‘Polo Shirts, $9.99’, and…”

(I’m amazed she’s read the sign, so I’m anxious to hear her question.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, my husband needs GOLF shirts.”

Me: “Okay?”

(I pause, hoping she’d explain more, but she doesn’t; she just looks at me expectantly.)

Me: “Is he required to wear a specific color or style, like a uniform or something?”

Customer: “Oh, no, he just plays for fun.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Were you looking for something like this shirt?”

Customer: “Well, yes, I liked this one, but then I saw the sign saying it’s a POLO shirt. Do you have golf shirts?”

Me: “Oh, I see. ‘Polo’ just refers to the style; it’s how our store refers to all of our shirts with this collar and neck style on them.”

Customer: *completely delighted* “Oh! So then, he could play BOTH?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, he absolutely could play both golf AND polo in this shirt.”

The License Plate Is TARD15

| UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work for a very well-known retailer delivering groceries to customers at home. Some customers don’t quite understand the process that follows to get their shopping to them and seem to think my van is bigger on the inside… This happened to me today.)

Me: “Good morning. It’s bad news today. I’m afraid five of the items you ordered were not available. You haven’t been charged for them.”

(One of the missing items is apples, which the customer appears to value above all else.)

Customer: “You’re telling me that you haven’t got any apples on that van to give me?”

Me: “Well, I don’t know it’s very odd that the store would have no apples at all, but I’m afraid I can only give you what I have.”

Customer: “No… I mean you must have some apples on the van, right?”

Me: “Uh, well it’s possible there are some in another order but I can’t just give you those. They belong to someone else.”

Customer: “Nope, that’s not how it works. It’s first come first served. That’s why I pick the early delivery slot.”

(I’m still not quite sure what the customer is getting at here and assume he thinks the early slot means his shopping was picked earlier.)

Me: “Ah, not always I’m afraid. The pick team picks the shopping somewhat randomly.”

Customer: “Look, you must be an idiot. You have apples on your van, right?”

Me: “Uh, perhaps, but they are—”

Customer: “SO GIVE THEM TO ME!”

Me: “I can’t; that would be theft. Those items are allocated to other customers.”

Customer: *getting quite angry now* “No, that’s not how it works. You come to my house, pick out my shopping, and give it to me. If it’s on the van, it’s mine! FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!”

(I suddenly realise what he is getting at.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but you have been misinformed. We do not carry around all the items stocked by [Company] and pick them upon arrival at the customer house. Your shopping is picked on the morning of your delivery date in store at [Location]. I couldn’t carry around the whole range that [Company] stocks, since we have over 10,000 items. It would never fit on the van.”

(The customer seems to suddenly realise the logistical impossibility of this… goes very quiet, and his face turns bright red.)

Customer: “Well, I shall be complaining to customer service about this. It’s unacceptable.”

(He proceeds to rapidly take his shopping indoors, signs for his order, and slams the door in my face.)

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day!

A Blizzard Of Complaints

| USA | Crazy Requests

(It has been severely snowing in our area and storm warnings have been out for days. About half the regular stores are closed due to weather. The roads are icy, and so is our parking lot. Most stores are out of sand, gravel, ice melt, etc. to put on the sidewalks. We only have a small bag left to do the entryway to the store.)

Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Your parking lot is terrible! My husband slipped when he got out of the car! What are you going to do about it!?”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, since we have been getting twelve inches of freezing snow and rain every sixteen hours, the snow plows cannot keep up with it. Is he hurt? We can fill out an accident report for you to take to the hospital if needed.”

Customer: “No, he is fine, but I want you to go and sand that parking lot.”

(All of us employees look at her. She is the ONLY customer in the store. We look outside at the literal BLIZZARD.)

Me: “I’m sorry, you want me to go out and sand the ENTIRE parking lot by hand?”

Customer: *blinks at me, completely serious* “Yes”

Me: *trying to be serious and not laugh while my co workers are also trying to keep it together* “Well, unfortunately we don’t have enough sand to do that. And all the stores are out, too.”

Customer: “Well, that is stupid! How can you expect your customers to shop?!”

Me: “There is a blizzard happening. We DON’T expect people to be out shopping!”

Toying With Your Inventory

| San Antonio, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work as a cashier at a consignment shop for kid’s clothes. We have a rewards program where you earn points for every dollar you spend before tax and you can get discounts, like a free toy below $4.99 or up to 25% off your purchase. A lady comes up to me and sets all her stuff down for me to check out. She pulls out a receipt from two weeks ago.)

Customer: “That lady over there charged me for a free toy.”

Me: *looking at the receipt* “Well, actually, she simply scanned it to take it out of our inventory then discounted the price of the toy.”

Customer: “That’s not right; you shouldn’t do that. Then it’s not free.”

Me: “Actually, it is free, because you aren’t paying for the toy at all. We still need to scan it to get it out of our inventory, though.”

Customer: “That’s not good; you shouldn’t do that. It’s not free if you do that.”

Me: “It is free because you aren’t paying for it.”

Customer: “Ugh, you don’t understand. Just ring up my stuff and I’ll talk to the owners later.”

(Apparently, she would only be satisfied if we let her walk out of the store with one of our toys without us ever having to scan it.)

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