I manage a discount retailer that does not have an online store, and we are not able to order product to be shipped to us. Our distribution center sends us a predetermined amount of merchandise six days a week, and if you can’t find it in the store, we don’t have it. While most people don’t have an issue with that, we occasionally get questions about special-ordering products in or buying products they see in the store online. 

This is one of those occasions. I am currently covering the break of our person that meters customers in and out of the store. A customer comes in holding a brown box with a pair of shoes in it.

Customer: “I need to return these shoes; they don’t fit.”

Me: “Okay, do you have any more shopping to do? If so, I suggest finding the items you need first so you can complete your exchange in one transaction. That way you only have to wait in line once.”

Customer: “Didn’t you hear me? I said I want to exchange the shoes.”

Me: “Yes, sir. Please feel free to browse our shoe department for the right size. Then you can complete your exchange at the registers.”

The customer continues to stand in front of me for an awkward amount of time.

Customer: “Well? Aren’t you going to get them for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not allowed to leave this area. But you are more than welcome to check for yourself!”

He huffs and walks over to the shoe department. Apparently, he doesn’t find his size, as he comes to the return line with just the box.

Customer: “I want to exchange these shoes for a pair in my size, but you don’t have any. When does your next shipment of this brand come in?”

Cashier: “Well, sir, I’m not sure I can answer that for you. Our shipments don’t come in by brand. Everything comes predetermined to us by corporate, and it’s all mixed together. I’m not sure when we’ll get another pair of shoes like this in.”

Customer: “Okay, then I need you to order in a size eleven for me. My name is [Customer] and I can pick it up next week.”

Cashier: “We… we don’t do special ordering here. We are not able to order products in ourselves, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “What?! What kind of store can’t order product? How do you even function?”

Cashier: “Like I said, sir, what comes on our shipments is predetermined by corporate. We have no control over that. We just take the trucks and stock our store.”

Customer: *Heaving a sigh and pulling out his phone* “Fine, then you can at least show me how to order them on your website.”

Cashier: *Totally having the time of her life* “I’m afraid not, sir. We don’t have an online store.”

Customer: “ARE YOU F****** KIDDING ME?! What kind of store doesn’t have online shopping?! This is the twenty-first century! Everything is online!”

Cashier: “I’m so sorry. I wish we had one, but unfortunately, we don’t. What I can do is—”

Customer: “You’re not a real store if you don’t have online shopping! What kind of business doesn’t have a website?!”

Cashier: “We do have a website; we just don’t sell anything—”

Customer: “Whatever, shove it up your a**. What can you do, then?”

Cashier: “I can call the other stores near us and see if they have this brand in stock. One of them might have it, and they would be happy to hold it for you to pick up—”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, so I can waste my time?! Your other branches are more than forty-five minutes away. I’m not doing that.”

Cashier: “I am out of options, then, sir. Short of someone returning the same brand in the size you need, there isn’t much else I can do to help you.”

Customer: *Dripping with sarcasm* “Well, aren’t you helpful? You can’t do anything; you’re f****** useless, aren’t you?”

He walks away to browse some more before I can approach him and try to mediate the situation. Two minutes later, he comes back.

Customer: “WHERE ARE YOUR F****** RESTROOMS?!”

Me: “Due to CDC regulations, our restrooms are closed—”

Customer: “THIS STORE IS MOTHERF****** USELESS! YOU PEOPLE CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!”

He then slammed into the exit door hard enough to leave a crack in the glass, and proceeded to speed his way out of the parking lot, almost hitting a couple of people on his way out.

I’m coordinating lunches for an event coming up on a Saturday. There will be thirty-one teenagers to feed, so I’m shopping online for the best options at the lowest prices. I find that the best deal is a four-foot sub sandwich in the deli section of the local big box store. It says it serves sixteen to twenty, so I figure two of those will be just what we need.

On Tuesday, I try all day to call the deli to place the order, since there’s no way to place the order online. The phone just rings and rings with no answer. I finally decide to just stop in after work and place the order in person. The young woman behind the counter seems to be totally confused, having no idea what I’m talking about.

Employee #1: “We need twenty-four hours’ notice for special orders.”

Me: “Oh, there’s plenty of time. I just need them on Saturday.”

She eventually goes and gets a laminated menu card and I show her what I want to order. She goes into the back for a minute, I assume to retrieve an order pad. She comes back with a little notebook from which she tears a piece of paper. She writes down the kind of sandwich I want. I remind her, twice, that I need two of them, so she finally writes the number two with an arrow pointing to the name of the sandwich.

Me: “I would like to pick them up at noon on Saturday.”

She writes, “Saturday 12:00.” She acts like we’re all done.

Me: “Don’t you want my name or phone number?”

I finally insist that she write my name and number on the order.

By Friday, I’m worried that the order has been lost since I have absolutely no faith in the employee who took the order, so I try to call the deli again to confirm the order. Again, I try calling all day and get no answer. Finally, I go into the store in person. I see that [Employee #1] is there, and I’m not looking forward to dealing with her again, but she helps another customer who came in just ahead of me and [Employee #2] steps up to help me.

Me: “Hi. I’ve already placed an order for tomorrow and I just want to confirm it.”

Not wanting to directly insult his coworker, I tell a little white lie.

Me: “I’ve had a previous special order get lost, so I just need to confirm that you have the order and that I’ll be here tomorrow at noon to pick it up. My boss will have my head if I mess this up!” 

[Employee #2] goes into the back and comes back with the scrap of paper on which [Employee #1] had written the order.

Employee #2: “Yes, it’s here. We’ll make the sandwiches in the morning and see you at noon.”

You can guess where this is going, right? I arrived at the deli counter promptly at noon on Saturday to encounter [Employee #3], who had no idea what I was talking about, and absolutely no sandwiches made. She offered to do the only thing possible at this point: make the sandwiches as fast as she could. I agreed to come back in forty minutes, hoping my group wasn’t starving to death waiting for lunch, and she agreed to a discount for the trouble.

I picked up the sandwiches forty minutes later and headed back to our event with them. It was then that I noticed that the sandwich that was supposed to feed sixteen to twenty people had been cut into twelve pieces, so now I had twenty-four sandwiches to feed thirty-one people. Fortunately, our group was pretty cooperative about sharing, and with the other snacks and sides we had on hand, we managed to work it out.

I followed up by contacting the store manager, who replied, “I’m sorry we fell short,” and, “I hope you’ll give us another chance.” Not likely! A different big box store just a couple of miles away has the same sandwiches for just $2 more. Next time, I’ll spend the $2.

I work at a candle store and we have a lot of great scents. I love telling customers about them, based on their interests.

Me: “Hi, ma’am, can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for the strongest scent you have because I have a big room to fill.”

I show her the strongest candle.

Customer: “I just can’t smell it.”

I show her another.

Customer: “You must not put very much scent in these because I can’t smell this, either.”

I remember one of the main symptoms of the health crisis currently doing the rounds.

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m sorry, but those are the strongest we have. Is there anything else I can help you find?”

Customer: “Ugh. Fine. I guess I’ll just go with the first one. Whatever.”

Me: “Perfect! May I also show you the hand sanitizer?”

I’m female. There’s a male regular about my age who usually comes in once a week. He usually comes to me, and we chat and joke around. I’m off work and running errands one day when I see him. We make eye contact and he waves.

Me: “Hey, [Regular]!”

Regular: “What’s up, [My Name]? How are you?”

Me: “Oh, I’m good! You?”

Regular: “I’m doing great! So, what are you up to this weekend?”

We chat for a couple of minutes and then go our separate ways. A couple of days later, at work, my boss approaches and asks to speak to me.

Boss: “So, uh… this is a weird one. I received a complaint about you.”

Me: “What did I do?”

Boss: “Apparently, you were hitting on [Regular].”

Me: “Huh?”

Boss: “I received a complaint that you were being very forward with [Regular] a few days ago.”

Me: “What are you even talking about?”

Boss: “Did you see him a few days ago?”

Me: “Hold on! I wasn’t at work a few days ago. I was at [Place] and ran into him. We talked for like two minutes, no flirting involved. Did this come from him?”

Boss: “No.”

Me: “Then where did this come from?”

Boss: *Pauses* “I was called by a female relative.”

Me: “His mom?”

Boss: “Um…”

Me: “I’d better not be in trouble for this.”

Boss: “Oh, not at all. I just thought you needed to know. She was pretty angry.”

Me: “That I walked up to her grown son on my own personal time and said hello?”

Boss: “Apparently.”

Heaven help any girl that he actually likes enough to date!

I am a customer standing in line to pay for my groceries. The queue is quite long. When I finally approach the checkout, an elderly woman tries to sneak into the line ahead of me from the left. I casually block her off with my cart and address her.

Me: “Excuse me, but the line starts back there.”

Elderly Woman: *Huffily* “I didn’t realize that. I’ve been standing here for quite some time!”

I ignore her and start putting my groceries on the conveyor belt. Turning to my cart, I realize she managed to sneak into the line behind me and is now standing way too close for my comfort. I address her again.

Me: “Excuse me, but could you at least keep your distance? I’ll give you a hint: if I can touch you like this—”

I extend my left hand and lightly touch her with my index finger.

Me: “—you’re standing way too close.”

I turned back around and approached the cashier. When I looked back, I saw that she had taken the hint and was finally keeping the required distance.