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One Lucky Customer

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Popular, Rude & Risque

(It’s kind of late in my shift. I call the next customer, an elderly man. He puts his merchandise on the counter. He immediately starts staring at my chest.)

Male Customer: “Wow, am I lucky. Wow.”

(I don’t know how to react without being rude so I just ring him up as quickly as possible. The entire time he’s staring at me and repeating:)

Male Customer: “Wow, am I lucky. Wow. When do you get off?”

(Since I don’t want to deal with him any more I tell him his total and stick every single item into one bag neatly enough that it won’t tear or break but badly enough that the bag weighs way too much, set it behind the counter, and wait for him to pay. He pays, and I hand him the approximately 20 lb bag.)

Male Customer: “Oh, thanks…”

(He stops smiling and kind of waddles out of the store with his bag. The next customer has a 28-item return and repurchase to get the points on their card. The customer after THAT comes up to me.)

Female Customer: “That looked intense.”

Me: “Yeah. The sad thing is that was still better than the customer before them.”

Female Customer: “Oh, what happened?”

Me: “Uh, it was an old dude and he was being creepy.”

Female Customer: “Oh, ew. I’m sorry.”

(I finish ringing her two-item purchase and read her price. She pays for her merchandise and I bag it very nicely and neatly.)

Female Customer: “Well, I hope I wasn’t as much trouble. And I didn’t hit on you. Have a good night.”

(Not gonna lie; that comment helped me keep it together until we closed.)

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Taxing Faxing, Part 18

, | Sacramento, CA, USA | Bizarre

(I’m manning the copy center counter when a regular customer approaches. I’ve helped her before, but she doesn’t seem to recognize me. While I’m helping her, she stands next to our shipping kiosk and reads the list of items we’re not permitted to mail.)

Customer: “I need these documents faxed, please. Wouldn’t you know it? My fax machine at the office sends documents everywhere BUT that area code! I’ve even sent it to offices one city over!”

Me: “Wow, that’s—”

Customer: *interrupts* “Isn’t it? We’ve tried calling the machine’s tech support and everything! I’ll never understand. Does this sign REALLY have to tell people they can’t ship fireworks? What kind of idiot would try to ship fireworks!?”

Me: “Yeah, some pe—”

Customer: “I know, right!? Bunch of idiots trying to get around local laws or something.”

Me: “Looks like we’re all set here, ma’am. If you’ll just come over to the cash register with me, I can ring you up for ev—”

Customer: “Where am I supposed to pay for the fax service, dear? Can I pay here with you?”

Me: “Yes, the debit machine is right over here, by th—”

Customer: *tosses her card on the counter*

Me: “Card reader’s over here, ma’am. Did you want a bag for your papers?”

Customer: *peering at my name badge* “Oh! Your name’s [My Name]?! What a unique spelling! I love it!”

Me: “Thanks, ma’am, it’s—”

Customer: “You’ve been SO helpful! I never receive excellent service like this when I come in! Have a good day!”

Me: “You’re welcome; enjoy the rest of y—”

Customer: “I’m going over there to look at briefcases!”

(She wandered cheerfully off, and boy, was I glad she hadn’t asked me to show her anything else in the store!)

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 17
Taxing Faxing, Part 16
Taxing Faxing, Part 15

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Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Extra Stupid

(It’s late in the afternoon and I’m preparing to close the store of the night. One of the tasks that must be completed in the last hour before closing is the vacuuming. As I’m doing this, a woman approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I just like vacuuming for kicks.”

(At this point the customer stops, clearly confused, and stares open-mouthed.)

Customer: “Really?”