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69 Cents? Oh, The Humanity!

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Crazy Requests

(After working as a manager for a popular party store for many years, I have heard it all when it comes to balloons. My two favorites thus far are:)

Customer: “How much is it to have my balloons inflated?”

Me: “69 cents a balloon.”

Customer: “That is way too much money for something that is free in the air. When I blow up balloons at my house, with my mouth, it is free.”

Me: “You can do that, certainly, but helium allows them to float. If you blow them up with your air, they will not float. You can still attach them with tape or allow them to sit on the floor during your event.”

Customer: “Ridiculous. When I blow them up with my mouth they have always floated. See—” *points to the package* “—it says helium balloons right here, which means they will float if I blow them up with my mouth, just like I do all the time.”

Other Manager: *who has overheard* “Ma’am, if you can blow up balloons with your mouth, and they float, you need to work here immediately. You would save us so much on helium costs.”

(And:)

Customer: “How much is it to inflate my balloons?”

Me: “69 cents a balloon.”

Customer: “Oh. I have one of those tanks that attaches to my grill at the house. Can I use that to inflate these instead?”

Me: “You can not use propane to inflate these balloons, ma’am. I am sorry…”

Customer: “Why? The tank looks similar to those.” *points to smaller disposable helium tank*

Me: “It is very dangerous to fill balloons with a flammable gas, ma’am. Helium is not flammable, and is safe for balloon usage. Propane can cause an explosion to occur.”

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Credited For Trying

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Time

(I’ve been working since pre-opening hours and it’s close to closing time. I’m expected to ask customers if they would like to apply for the store credit card.)

Me: “Would you like to apply for the credit card and save 10% off your first purchase with it?”

Customer: *looks at her daughter, who nods* “Yeah, I’ll do it.”

(I proceed to sign her up for the card and finish my end of the process.)

Me: “Ma’am, the system says you weren’t automatically approved for the card tonight, but you’ll be getting a notification in the next few days about it, and once you’re approved, you’ll receive your 10% on your next purchase.”

Customer: “What? You lied to me! You said I’d get 10% off this purchase. I’m a manager at [unintelligible mumbling] and we would never falsely lead a customer into such traps. I want you to give me my 10%! I want a manager.”

Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, ma’am. You get the 10% when you’re approved, but I can get my manager if you like.”

Customer: “Oh, forget it! I don’t want you to waste anymore of my time here. I only applied for the 10% otherwise I wouldn’t have wasted the time here. Don’t just stand there! Finish ringing everything up.”

(I finished the transaction in silence. She and her daughter stormed off with their $17 purchase. The 10% wouldn’t have saved them $2.)

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In Line And Out Of Line, Part 14

| USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Popular

(I am at a store with my father. We are standing in the line for a self-checkout. It’s a five person line and all the machines are in use. One opens up and the first customer, a young woman, moves to the checkout. The second customer, an old man who hadn’t been in the line, steps in front of her and goes to check out his groceries.)

Father: “Hey, the line starts right here.”

(He motions to the spot behind us.)

Customer #2: “I have to check out my groceries.”

Customer #1: “So do the rest of us, and none of us skipped past the line.”

Customer #2: “My groceries are more important!”

Me: “By what standards?”

Customer #2: *to Father* “Didn’t you teach your kid to respect his elders?!”

Father: “Not when they’re being a**holes.”

Related:
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 13
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 12
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 11

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Just Bladerun With It

| AZ, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Popular, Technology

(I am working the reception desk. I am often told that I should be a radio announcer or a voice actor, because my ‘phone voice’ is so nice. I am also known as the office nerd, able to recite lines from a plethora of geeky films and shows.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Oh, is this a machine? Or are you a person?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I am a Nexus-series Replicant made by the Tyrell corporation. More human than human is our motto.”

(Fortunately, the caller had seen Blade Runner and got a good laugh from it. My normal coworkers rolled their eyes so hard their retinas detached.)

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Tip More Than Just My Hat To You

| TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers

(I work at a pretty well-known electronics retailer that has been around for a long time. Every now and then we will get several customers asking for technical advice on old technology. One afternoon, an older gentleman comes in, walks to the counter where I am and takes out an old flip phone.)

Customer: “I can’t seem to get this useless thing to come on. I’ve tried everything!”

Me: “Let me take a look at it.”

(Customer hands me the flip phone. I hold the “end” button to power on the device. When that does not work, I figure the battery is dead so I proceed to plug in a spare charger we keep behind the counter. Lo and behold, the device comes on.)

Me: “Looks like it just needed to be recharged!”

Customer: “What did you do?”

Me: “It just needed to be plugged in.”

Customer: “That’s it? Wow! Thank you so much! How much do I owe you?”

Me: *smiling* “Free of charge!”

Customer: “Well, let me at least tip you for the trouble.”

Me: “No need; I’m just happy I could help.”

Customer: “Let me at least buy you lunch. I insist!”

(The older gentleman then laid $7 on the counter and left before I could decline. Made my day.)

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