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Not Exactly Quick As Lightning

, | Marysville, OH, USA | Technology

(I work customer service at a large retail store that specializes in electronics. While it is mainly the job of myself and others in my position to ring customers out, if a specialized sales associate makes a sale they will often come to the front and ring the customer out themselves. On this day, my coworker, a specialist in our computing department, has ‘sold’ a customer on a router/modem combo. It should also be noted that we are required to offer what is basically an insurance plan on items that qualify.)

Coworker: *ringing up the items* “Just so you know, these both qualify for our two-year insurance plan for [price]. So if something should happen to them, like power surge damage from a lightning strike, we can replace them for you at no extra cost rather than you having to purchase a whole new set.”

Customer: *visibly alarmed* “They can get struck by LIGHTNING?! I don’t want them if they can get struck by LIGHTNING!”

Coworker: “Anything you have plugged into an outlet is susceptible to lightning strikes. What I’m saying is that if that were to happen, this insurance would allow us to replace them for you at no additional charge.”

Customer: “I don’t want them if they can get struck by lightning. I didn’t know that could happen. I don’t want them right now. I’ll have to think it over. I don’t want them if they can be struck by lightning! Put them back!”

(My poor coworker tried once more to explain that any kind of electronic plugged into that sort of power source — be it a TV, router, modem, or even a cell phone — can suffer damage from lightning strikes. The customer still refused to complete the purchase and my coworker lost out on a good bit of revenue from that sale. We got a good laugh out of it, though!)

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Weapons Of Mass Dysfunction

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid

(We sell weapons for theater and film. The phone rings.)

Me: “[Store], your epic armoury. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Aw, yeah, I got your number from the Internet. Do you sell, like, antique swords and that?”

Me: “Sorry, no. Our weapons are all modern recreations. They’re for theater, film, or LARP, depending on the brands.”

Customer: “Yeah, right, right. Have you got any katana brand swords?”

Me: “Do you mean Katana Craft?”

Customer: “Nah, nah, just katana brand.”

Me: “Other than KC there’s no ‘katana brand.’ That’s just a particular type of sword.”

Customer: “Yeah, have you got any in?”

Me: “We’ve got [rattles off LARP- and theater-use brands].”

Customer: “And those are, like, metal, yeah? Like, I can just get one and put them on the wall?”

Me: “Uh, not quite. We’ll need to see your license and need proof that you have an appropriate lock-up for the weapons.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “Well, if you’re Victorian based, then the local legislation treats them as a deadly weapon. You’ll need a permit or prohibited weapons license, and an appropriate storage unit, like a clear fronted gun cabinet.”

Customer: “So how do I get a license?”

Me: “You go somewhere that offers training in your weapon of choice, or to a larger police station.”

Customer: “Oh, so, like, I should just go to the police station and tell them I want to buy a whole bunch of swords but I don’t have a case?”

Me: *sigh* “Yeah… That’s what you should do.”

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I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here

| CA, USA | Bizarre

(I’m shopping at a store where the employees wear red and khaki. I am wearing a black tee shirt, blue jeans, and pushing a cart.)

Woman: “Excuse me! Excuse me! Can I ask you something?”

(Since there is no one else around I push my cart over to her. She’s in the hosiery section, and she’s opened two boxes of pantyhose and has a one leg of each color on a different arm.)

Me: “Yes?”

Woman: “Which one is lighter, do you think?”

Me: “The one on the right.”

Woman: “It still looks too dark though, doesn’t it? I mean, for my skin tone?”

Me: “No, I honestly don’t think so. It will look lighter when it’s on your leg. I think it’s fine.”

Woman: “Do they make this in a lighter shade?”

Me: “I honestly don’t know. I’ve never bought that brand before.”

Woman: *getting exasperated* “Well, can you find out?”

Me: “No, I can’t. Maybe if you asked someone who actually works here.”

Woman: *eye wide* “You don’t work here?”

Me: *sweeping my arm to indicate my attire and cart* “No, I sure don’t.”

Woman: “Well, why did you come over when I asked for help then?!”

Me: “Um… because I’m nice?

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Their Brain Is Already Filled With Rocks

| MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(A woman has called in to ask question about a purse she saw online.)

Customer: “How much does it weigh?”

Me: “It looks like it weighs ten ounces.”

Customer: Is that the weight empty?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Fill it up and weigh it again. I’m not allowed to lift more than five pounds; it has to be less than that full.”

Me: “The weight will depend on what you choose to put in it.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, if I fill it with rocks it will weigh more than if I fill it with feathers.”

Customer: “What? No! It will be full. It will weigh the full weight. That will be the same!”

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A Sticker Sticking Point

| IL, USA | Liars & Scammers

(I work as a cashier in a well-known chain. We have a customer who likes to remove clearance stickers off cheap items and attach them to full-price items, then go to the newest cashiers who won’t argue it much. She comes up to my register when I am still fairly new, but have been working long enough to recognize her. I scan an expensive children’s toy that rings up at $49.99)

Customer: “Excuse me? The sticker says it’s on clearance for $2.44.”

(I look at the register where it says $49.99, and then look at the clearance sticker. I immediately realize what’s going on, but since we aren’t allowed to accuse anyone of something, I play along. I type in the product number on the sticker and it comes up as a decorative herb container from home decor, not even remotely close to anything resembling a toy.)

Me: “Huh, that’s strange. Oh, I see. Another customer must have put the sticker on this one for some reason. This wouldn’t have been something we did, it’s from a completely different department. Sorry, but the actual price is $49.99. See the sticker? It’s originally for a $5 item. I can take 10% off for your troubles.”

Customer: *being nice, but uncooperative* “Uh, no. The sticker says it’s on clearance. This is for my son’s birthday and I can’t spend fifty bucks on some toy. I found it on the shelf like this. You need to honor it.”

Me: “I can get my manager and see what she says, but I doubt we can give it to you for less than $3.” *I turn on my light and wait for my manager to arrive*

Manager: “How can I help?”

(The customer jumps in to explain the situation before I can. My manager takes a look and enters the product number like I did while listening to the customer.)

Manager: “Unfortunately, I can’t honor this. Likely a customer put this on here intending to get it for cheap, but never came back for it. I can offer you 10% off.”

Customer: “Like I told her, I can’t do that. I really think you should honor it.”

Manager: “I’m sorry; we can’t do that.”

Customer: “Is there someone else you can ask?”

Manager: “I’ll see what I can do and be right back.”

(My manager goes into her office and the woman, who has been mostly friendly at this point, tries to chat me up, saying “This always happens to me every time, blah blah.” Finally my manager returns.)

Manager: “I spoke to the store manager himself and he said we can do 50% off since the sticker was for 50% off the intended item, but we cannot do the $2.44. You can have it for $24.49 instead, which is still a great deal for such a popular toy.”

Customer: *giving my manager a nasty look and getting angry* “Seriously? Ugh. Fine, never mind, then. I don’t want it if you won’t honor your own prices. Take it off and finish it up.”

(My manager took the item back to the service desk where she took the sticker off and threw it away. The customer didn’t even acknowledge me after that. Later on, my manager came back up with the item the sticker was intended for, and you could see where a sticker had been removed.)

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