Gives New Meaning To Distressed Jeans

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(A customer is looking around with her toddler in the front buggy.)

Customer: *taps my shoulder and holds up a pair of jeans* “Excuse me, but do you know if you have these pants in a size 12?”

(I can see clearly on the protruding tag that the jeans she’s holding are the size she just asked for.)

Me: “Actually, ma’am, it seems you’ve got what you’re looking for right there!”

(I smile and think she’s about to laugh with me about it, but her expression turns sour and she throws the pants. They hit me square in the face, and all I can do is stare at her, speechless.)

Customer: “Next time don’t bother answering me if all you’re gonna do is embarrass me in front of my child!”

(She stomps away with her buggy before I can gather myself.)

Me: *to the pants in my hands* “…Sorry?”

Lucy On The Ground, With Customers

| Dorset, England, UK | Funny Names, Musical Mayhem

Customer: “So, what’s your name then, darling?”

Me: “Lucy.”

Customer: “Like Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds?”

Me: *smiling* “Why, yes, that’s right.”

Customer: “That songs about LSD, isn’t it? Were your parents on hard drugs?”

Me: “Well, thank you for your order. Goodbye.”

When Onions Make You Laugh

| USA | At The Checkout

(I am the customer in this story. I frequently shop at a local produce store where a friend of mine works. I notice her register is empty, so I decide to jokingly give her a bit of a hard time.)

Me: “Hey. You. Why are the onions over here more than the onions over there?”

Friend: “Well, they’re different onions.”

Me: “No, they’re not. They have the same produce code.”

Friend: “Oh, well, I don’t know then.”

Me: “Well, just so you know, I’m getting my onions from over there.”

(As a man has gotten in line now, I go back to my shopping. When I’m ready to check out, I go to my friend’s register.)

Friend: “You know, after you left earlier, that guy was like, ‘I’m sorry you got yelled at like that. You shouldn’t have to deal with people like that.’ I kept trying to tell him it’s okay; I know you!”

(To that man, wherever you are, I’m sorry! I’m not really like that. I was just having some fun with my friend.)

Fails To Register

| CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(Our store has six registers to check out customers with. Registers #1 and #2 are currently being in use with little to no line. I’m behind the customer service counter checking some merchandise. Customer service has a register, but only the managers are allowed to use it. A man comes up to the counter with a $0.97 CD.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir, this register isn’t open. If you want to—”

Customer: *screams at the top of his lungs* “GOD D*** IT! WELL, I AIN’T BUYING IT THEN!”

(The customer stomps to the exit. He screams one last thing behind him.)

Customer: “YOU’RE ALL F****** MESSED UP! I’M NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN!”

(If he had turned around, he would have seen that register one was open without a line. My coworker comes around the counter and picks up the CD.)

Coworker: “Oh, no, what will we ever do without his $0.97? We’ll all starve!”

Customer Ignorance Is Soda Pressing

, | Payson, UT, USA | Technology

(I overhear this between an employee and a customer.)

Customer: “So, what is so great about this smartphone?”

Employee: “Well, it’s waterproof and—”

Customer: “Waterproof? There is no such thing!”

Employee: “I can assure you—”

Customer: “Prove it.”

(As I listen to this, the employee proceeds to dip it in the guy’s soda.)

Employee: “See, it works.” *proceeds to pull it back out and show that it works*

Customer: “Well, umm… the customer is always right!”