Remote Chance Of A Refund

| Missoula, MT, USA | Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I would like to return this TV.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem with it?”

Customer: “It doesn’t work right.”

Me: “Okay, I will just have to take a look at it. May I see your receipt?”

Customer: “You can’t look at the TV. It doesn’t work, that’s all! You need to know give me my money and send it back!”

Me: “Sir, it is store policy. I have to look at the returned item before I can give you your refund.”

(The customer stays silent. We open box to find a remote actually stuck into the TV screen.)

Customer: “So, am I not gonna get that refund now?”

Don’t Bet On This One

| Canterbury, UK | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

Customer: “Wow, this wheel spins around and I think you put a ball in it.”

Me: “Yes madam, it’s a roulette wheel.”

Customer: “And what’s the point. Do you have to guess the numbers?”

Me: “Some people actually bet on the outcome as well.”

Customer: “That’s an awesome idea. They should have those in casinos!”

It Will Be Kilo-Hours Before He Get’s It

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Canada, Math & Science, Uncategorized

Me: “Alright, your cell phone will be in service in twenty to thirty minutes.”

Customer: “How much is that in American time?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Well, in Canada you use the Metric system, right?”

H2Slow, Part 2

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Uncategorized

(I’m watering plants in my aisle when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Are these real?”

Me: “Yes they are.” * continues pouring water*

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “I’m watering them, miss.”

Customer: “Doesn’t mean they’re real.”

Related:
H2Slow

When Non-Stick Causes Friction

| New York, NY, USA | Home Improvement, Uncategorized

(A customer approaches me with a pan from one of our non-stick cookware sets.)

Customer: “I need some pots and pans for our new house. However, I’ve heard this Teflon coating can release toxic chemicals into your food.”

Me: “Actually, our vendors did away with Teflon years ago and now use a new, much safer variety of non-stick. What you’re holding in fact would really only present a problem if you were to deliberately damage the cooking surface, say by going at it with a hammer and chisel.”

Customer: “Oh, well I’ll take two sets then.”

(Several days pass, and the customer comes back and dumps everything he’s bought on my counter.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I know this isn’t really your fault, but I tried using these and the food tastes really funny–like there are still chemicals being leaked into it. I think you’ve been told some dirty lies by your vendors.”

(I take several of the pans out, and find they all have now have either a small ‘D’ or ‘M’ burned into their cooking surface.)

Me: “What happened to these?”

Customer: “Nothing, my family is insistent that we only use one set of pans dairy and the other set for meat so I made sure to label which were which.”

Me: “Didn’t you hear what I said about damaging the cooking surface?”

Customer: “You said that would only be dangerous if I used a hammer and chisel. So I took them to my jewelery store and did it with a laser engraver instead.”

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