Not Quite Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

| Oklahoma, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer and her 8 year old son approach me.)

Customer: “My son peed on one of your aisles.”

Customer’s son: *shouting* “I peed myself!”

Customer: “Stop yelling!”

Customer’s son: “I peed myself! I peed myself! I peed myself!”

Me: “Why did you pee yourself?”

Customer’s son: “My mom was taking to long and I told her I had to pee and she said ok so I peed myself. Am I in trouble?”

Me: “No. We will just get this cleaned up. Just make sure next time you find the bathroom okay?”

Customer’s son: “Okay. Where’s the bathroom? I gotta poop too.”

No Intelligence Inside

| Pottstown, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [second hand store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ve been trying to find games for my computer and I was wondering if you had any?”

Me: “We have plenty of computer games. What kind of operating system are you running?”

Customer: “Huh? It’s um…it’s a [computer brand].”

Me: “Okay, but which operating system do you use?”

Customer: “It’s a…[retail store]?”

One Nation, Under God, Period

| South Dakota, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have anything made in Tennessee?”

Me: “It’s quite possible.”

Customer: “Well, what about Illinois?”

Me: “Maybe.”

Customer: “What about New Jersey?”

Me: “I’m not sure…you may find something.”

Customer: “But your sign says you sell goods from over 50 countries! That’s all of them!”

Me: “That’s states. It’s 50 countries outside the US.”

Customer: *baffled look* “Out…side?”

Totally Flunked That One

| Oxford, UK | Uncategorized

(I am working in a cafe near one of the main halls for University examinations, for which the students have to wear full robes. Every time an exam finishes, the students come out and celebrate with champagne and confetti.)

Tourist: “Excuse me, what time is the next show?”

Me: “I’m sorry? There’s a theatre round the corner from here. They might be able to help you.”

Tourist: “No, the next University show. With the costumes and everything.”

Me: “I’m afraid that’s not a performance. Those are the University’s students, and they’re finishing their exams.”

Tourist: “So when will the next one finish? I want to bring my wife.”

In Need Of Humble Pi

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

Me: “Would you like to donate to [charity] today?”

Customer: “Okay. Round my total up to $30.”

(I pull out a calculator to figure out how much it is to round up to $30. Customer’s total is $25.78.)

Customer: “It’s sad that you need a calculator to figure that out. It’s $7.32.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, it’s $4.22.”

Customer: “Oh.”

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