Only Wears Blood (Of Christ) Diamonds

| Bradenton, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Religion

Customer: *verbatim – as in the customer actually spoke this way* “Is this diamonds in this earrings is real?”

Me: “Yes, they are.”

Customer: “They isn’t fake? Or created?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “No! I MEAN… is they is made by God? Is they outta the dirt? God’s dirt?”

Me: “They are genuine diamonds, ma’am.”

Customer: “But is they is made by God?! Is they is from the dirt God made?!”

Me: “They are genuine diamonds; from the earth.”

Customer: “GOD’S earth?! I only wear things that is made by God, from the dirt that God created!”

Me: “Well, I can’t tell you for sure that God made these diamonds, or the dirt they came from, but they are as genuine as they get. I don’t know what else to tell you.”

(What I wanted to say was, ‘He sure didn’t make the patent leather and lycra that your outfit is made out of!’)


Snack Attack

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Money, Popular

(I work at a store that specializes in popcorn. We have regular sized bags for the popcorn (small, medium, large) as well a much smaller snack sized bag. The store offers this snack size at an unreasonably high price to encourage people to buy the regular sized bags. When customers want to buy the snack sized bags, it’s usually because they have multiple children and want to get them each a little bag so that they don’t fight over one bigger bag. However my coworkers and I know that the store offers free paper bags for regular sized bags of popcorn so that people can share. We usually go out of our way to inform parents of this and even split the popcorn into the paper bags for them so that they can save time and money. I am serving a woman with three children.)

Woman: “Hi, can I get three snack bags of buttered popcorn?”

(Each snack bag is $3 while a small is just $4. These prices are labelled clearly on our display of different popcorn flavours.)

Me: “Sure! Before I pack the bags, I would just like you to know that the small bag of buttered popcorn is $4 and three times the size of a snack—”

Woman: *cuts me off* “NO! I want three snack bags for my three children.”

(I sort of understand her frustration because three snack bags sounds perfectly reasonable for three children so I continue politely because not everyone knows that we offer free paper bags.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. I just wanted to let you know that it’s much cheaper to get a small bag and I can even split it into three FREE paper bags for your three childr—”

Woman: “NO! Just give me the three d*** snack bags!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, that will be $9, please.”

Woman: “Okay, now, was that so hard?!”

Me: “Uh, no… I guess not… Have a nice day.”

(It doesn’t end there… My coworker who was on her lunch break comes out from the back of the store and this woman decides to have ‘a chat’ with her about my behavior. I continue to serve the next customers in line, a young couple with two children, who overheard the exchange I just had with the woman.)

Father: “Hi, we’ll have the small regular bag of popcorn with two of those free paper bags, please.”

(I pack the bag and pour some in the two free paper bags.)

Me: “That will be $4, please.”


(Before I can respond the father that I just served interjects…)

Father: “CLEARLY she already tried to tell you that the small bag would be cheaper but you were too rude to listen. Now if you continue to harass these ladies and raise your voice around young children, I will personally throw you out of this store.”

(She suddenly got quiet and walked out. The father and mother gave me a generous tip for telling them about the paper bags and dealing with the “d***” lady!)


(Air) Conditioned To Be Cheap

| MN, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement, Money

(Note that I usually work in the electronics department of my store. However, no one else is free to help a customer calling for hardware, so I take the call.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I need an air conditioner for a window about [size]. Can you tell me what you have and how much they cost?”

Me: “Sure, let me put you on hold for a bit.”

(I check the air conditioners and find that they all require about the same size window, easily within the customer’s requirements.)

Me: “Actually, just about all of our air conditioners will fit. They range from about $100 to $300…”

Caller: “What? He wants $300 to fix this one?”

Me: “No, we’ve got some cheaper than that, as low as $100.”

Caller: “What brand are they?”

Me: “Most of them are [Brand], but a few are [Other Brand].”

Caller: “Hmm, never heard of [Brand] before. Are they any good?”

Me: “Actually, I don’t usually work in this area, so I don’t know how good they are. All I can really tell you is how much power the box says it has.”

Caller: “Oh, all right. I need one that’s at least twelve hundred. H6ow much do they have?”

(I go and check again, and find out that even the cheapest one is 5,000 BTU (British Thermal Unit).)

Me: “Actually, even our cheapest one is 5,000 BTU…”

Caller: “No, I don’t want your cheap one. I want a good one. At least twelve hundred.”

Me: “Er, I just said it’s 5,000, more than four times as much as you’re asking for…”

Caller: “No, I need something at least twelve hundred!”

Me: “Wait… do you mean twelve hundred, or twelve thousand?”

Caller: “Oh, yeah, maybe that’s what’s written down here. Twelve thousand.”

(I go and double-check, and find out our most expensive unit is 12,000 BTU.)

Me: “Okay, our most expensive one is $300, a [Brand] with 12,000 BTU.”

Caller: “Oh, $300? That’s a steal! And it’s a [Brand]? Oh, I know those are good. Thanks, I’ll be in later to pick it up.”