Their Brain Is Already Filled With Rocks

| MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(A woman has called in to ask question about a purse she saw online.)

Customer: “How much does it weigh?”

Me: “It looks like it weighs ten ounces.”

Customer: Is that the weight empty?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Fill it up and weigh it again. I’m not allowed to lift more than five pounds; it has to be less than that full.”

Me: “The weight will depend on what you choose to put in it.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, if I fill it with rocks it will weigh more than if I fill it with feathers.”

Customer: “What? No! It will be full. It will weigh the full weight. That will be the same!”


A Sticker Sticking Point

| IL, USA | Liars & Scammers

(I work as a cashier in a well-known chain. We have a customer who likes to remove clearance stickers off cheap items and attach them to full-price items, then go to the newest cashiers who won’t argue it much. She comes up to my register when I am still fairly new, but have been working long enough to recognize her. I scan an expensive children’s toy that rings up at $49.99)

Customer: “Excuse me? The sticker says it’s on clearance for $2.44.”

(I look at the register where it says $49.99, and then look at the clearance sticker. I immediately realize what’s going on, but since we aren’t allowed to accuse anyone of something, I play along. I type in the product number on the sticker and it comes up as a decorative herb container from home decor, not even remotely close to anything resembling a toy.)

Me: “Huh, that’s strange. Oh, I see. Another customer must have put the sticker on this one for some reason. This wouldn’t have been something we did, it’s from a completely different department. Sorry, but the actual price is $49.99. See the sticker? It’s originally for a $5 item. I can take 10% off for your troubles.”

Customer: *being nice, but uncooperative* “Uh, no. The sticker says it’s on clearance. This is for my son’s birthday and I can’t spend fifty bucks on some toy. I found it on the shelf like this. You need to honor it.”

Me: “I can get my manager and see what she says, but I doubt we can give it to you for less than $3.” *I turn on my light and wait for my manager to arrive*

Manager: “How can I help?”

(The customer jumps in to explain the situation before I can. My manager takes a look and enters the product number like I did while listening to the customer.)

Manager: “Unfortunately, I can’t honor this. Likely a customer put this on here intending to get it for cheap, but never came back for it. I can offer you 10% off.”

Customer: “Like I told her, I can’t do that. I really think you should honor it.”

Manager: “I’m sorry; we can’t do that.”

Customer: “Is there someone else you can ask?”

Manager: “I’ll see what I can do and be right back.”

(My manager goes into her office and the woman, who has been mostly friendly at this point, tries to chat me up, saying “This always happens to me every time, blah blah.” Finally my manager returns.)

Manager: “I spoke to the store manager himself and he said we can do 50% off since the sticker was for 50% off the intended item, but we cannot do the $2.44. You can have it for $24.49 instead, which is still a great deal for such a popular toy.”

Customer: *giving my manager a nasty look and getting angry* “Seriously? Ugh. Fine, never mind, then. I don’t want it if you won’t honor your own prices. Take it off and finish it up.”

(My manager took the item back to the service desk where she took the sticker off and threw it away. The customer didn’t even acknowledge me after that. Later on, my manager came back up with the item the sticker was intended for, and you could see where a sticker had been removed.)


Not How Diabetes Works But Okay

| UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

(We’ve been instructed to ask for customer feedback while checking customers out in the form of a questionnaire. Most is multiple choice with a comments section at the bottom. The line has died down when the receptionist, looking rather disgruntled, turns to us and reads out the feedback from their last customer.)

Comment: “Too helpful! Too nice! Tried having a chat with me and it was just abhorrent! Even her hello was so sweet it gave me diabetes.”

Receptionist: “I’m sorry we can’t all be as sour as gone-off bottle of milk!”


Can’t See Your Point

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I normally wear contact lenses, but my optometrist had trouble ordering them so I’m wearing my glasses today. A regular customer approaches me. She’s usually a bit of a handful but never anything crazy.)

Me: “How are you?”

Customer: “You have glasses. Why?”

Me: “There was an issue with my doctor’s office so I’m wearing my glasses until it gets fixed.”

Customer: “I don’t like it. Take them off.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t see without them so I can’t take them off.”

Customer: *huffs* “Well… I don’t like you anymore!”


About To Be Charged For (Theft) Of Battery

, | San Francisco, CA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid

(A male customer comes in, walks up to the counter, and puts a package of batteries on the counter.)

Customer: “I want to return these.”

Me: “May I have your receipt, please?”

Customer: “I don’t have a receipt.”

Me: “Then I will need a government issued ID.”

Customer: “I have a college ID.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir. It must be a valid government issued ID.”

(He hands me the college ID.)

Me: “I am sorry, sir. This ID isn’t government issued.”

Customer: “Fine, then I won’t return ’em. Stupidest f****** rule ever.”

(The customer proceeds to wander around the store looking around, and then returns to the front counter with his hands empty.)

Customer: “I lost my batteries.”

Me: “Okay, sir, I can have an employee help you look for them.”

(I wave an employee over and assign him to help the customer look for the batteries. They head out to the floor to look. The customer selects a few items as he is looking around. Then all of a sudden, with his hands full, he casually walks right past the cashier and out the front door. I walk up to the doorway and yell.)

Me: “Sir, you need to come back in and pay for those items.”

Customer: “Why? You stole my d*** batteries!”

(I watch him get in his car. I get the license plate number and call the police and give them a general direction the customer headed. The police call me back fifteen minutes later.)

Officer: “We caught the suspect. He was trying to return the items you described as stolen to the [Drugstore] across the street from you.”

Me: “What?! Wow! Okay … uh… hmm.”

Officer: “Yeah, I know. Sometimes I can’t wrap my mind around how some people can be so stupid either.”

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