Down For The Count(er)

| USA | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers

(I am in the process of trying to sort out a discrepancy with a our inventory while trying to help customers at the same time. A group of three enters the store, two wandering off and one approaching the counter.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking into buying [Expensive Electronic] for my son. What models do you have?”

(We go over them, and discuss the promotions currently going on, and the customer decides on which one to get.)

Me: “All right! I’ll be right back with that for you!”

(I head to the back where we store all the really pricey stuff, but have a hard time finding that model since it’s more or less buried in a stack of other models of the same device. When I leave, the customers are gone and my coworker is nearby helping another.)

Me: “Hey, what happened to those guys? I had to get this for them.”

Coworker: “He said he was having trouble getting a hold of his son, so he’s going to be back later to get that and a few extras all at once.”

Me: “Okay, we’ll just hold this for him.”

(I go back to trying to sort out the discrepancy, only to find… a stack of said product – as well as another – missing. This isn’t unusual, since it was a messy area and we move things all the time.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], do you know where the [Product] that were here are? I’m still working on that discrepancy. [Other Product] that was stacked with them has been moved, too.”

Coworker: “No, I don’t.”

(We look around, but no luck, and come to the conclusion the three from before got behind the counter and took them, using the pretense of buying [Expensive Product] as a distraction. Checking the tapes shows we were right. The only reason we caught it so soon after instead of finding out days later was because they happened to steal the exact product I was in the middle of counting.)

Just Toss That Salad

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers

(It is within my first few months at my job. I have a customer wanting to exchange a bag of salad because he insists that it went bad too quickly. I ask him to grab another bag and I’ll make the exchange.)

Me: “Sir, these bags don’t match. This one is Dole, but the one you brought is something different.”

Customer: “Yeah, uh, you guys are out of that one.”

(I’m still learning the store’s inventory, so I continue to attempt the exchange.)

Me: “Sir, the barcode had been ripped open. I can’t exchange it if I can’t scan it.”

Customer: “Can’t you just scan this one?” *gestures to the new bag*

Me: “No, I can’t do that.”

(I continue to examine the bag and notice it lists the website of our competitor, which I know is closed at that time of night.)

Me: “You didn’t get this salad here; you got it at [Competitor.]”

Customer: “No, I got it here. I think it’s just listing the website.”

Me: “I can’t exchange it if it’s not something we carry. You need to take it to [Competitor.]”

Customer: “But they’re closed!”

(I continued to explain to him that I couldn’t exchange it. After that, he left. I could tell he was upset, but I still to this day wonder why he was so intent on exchanging a $2 bag of salad at that exact moment.)

2001: A Computer Space Odyssey

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Time

(At this time, I work in the service department of a retail electronics store, mainly fixing people’s computers. One customer will bring up cheap playing card computer games to us and ask if it will work on her computer. She never has any details on the specs of her computer other than it’s at least eight years old. We tell her the games will probably not work but we would need to see her computer to be sure. She never brings the computer in, though, and then the pattern repeats. One day in 2014 she actually calls the store instead of coming in.)

Caller: “Hey I was wondering if you can tell me if a game would work on my computer.”

Me: “Maybe. What kind of game are talking about?”

Caller: “Well, a friend of mine had it. It’s, like, this robot guy and you shoot things.”

Me: “Do you know the name of the game?”

Caller: “No. So, will it work?”

Me: “Not sure, ma’am. Without the name of the game I can’t tell you what the recommended or minimum specs are.”

Caller: “Okay, forget that game. What about [Basic Card Game]?”

Me: *looking up the specs* “It doesn’t require a lot of computing power. What kind of computer do you have?”

Caller: “It’s gray.”

(Yes, she said it was gray.)

Me: “I mean the brand, model, operating system, RAM, hard drive, processor? That would be the information I need.”

Caller: “Well, the box is gray. It was built for me. You guys should know. You just worked on it.”

(I ask for her name and phone number and start looking for a work order for her but come up with nothing.)

Me: “I’m not seeing anything under your information. Could it have been brought in under another person’s information?”

Caller: “No. I mean, you just had it. I just want to know if this game will work.”

Me: “If you want to bring it in we would be glad to tell you if the [Basic Card Game] would work.”

Caller: “I don’t want to bring it in. Just have someone who worked on it tell me if it will work.”

Me: “Ma’am, when did you have us work on it? Like, what month?”

Caller: “2001. Can you put on someone who worked on it?”

Me: “Ma’am, no one in this department now was here in 2001.”

Caller: “Really? So you have a lot of turnover?”

Me: “All businesses have a fair amount of turnover in 13 years.”

Caller: “Really? Huh. Well, can you tell me if the game will work?”

Me: “We will need you to bring your computer in.”

Caller: “I don’t want to do that. It’s heavy. Okay, then. I guess you can’t help. Okay, bye.”

Best Comment Of The Year

| IA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(A regular customer almost always has a similar exchange with me during checkout. Usually it goes, “That was a good year,” or some good other natured ribbing.)

Regular: “How much you need?”

Me: *total that sounds like a long ago year*

Regular: “That wasn’t a very good year.”

Me: *without a beat, not really paying attention* “That’s because you weren’t there.”

Regular: *can’t stop laughing*

Database Contains An Astrological Amount Of Information

| USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers

(At work, we have a database with customer information — phone number, email, rewards membership, etc. — that we access when a customer inputs their phone number into our pin pad, in case the customer makes a return and can’t find their receipt.)

Me: “All right, Ma’am, if I could start with your phone number in the pin pad, please?”

Customer: “Sure!” *she puts in her number and her name pops up in the system*

Me: “Are you [Customer]?”

Customer: *gasps* “I am! What else do you know about me?”

Me: *I tap my index and middle fingers to my temples and appear to concentrate* “Are you a Taurus?”

Customer: *laughs* “Close enough!”

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