The Phone Crashed

| Moscow, ID, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers

(It’s about five minutes to closing, and I am monitoring the entrance door to my store when a girl rushes in, waving at me.)

Girl: “I’ll be just a minute! I promise! I need one thing!”

(She dashes off into the store and I go back to waiting for the clock to hit ten when I hear, over the loudspeaker:)

Coworker: “Harry in Hardware, if you’re in the store, you’re needed in Electronics.”

(Knowing that this is the code name for our loss-prevention agent, I go on alert just as the manager is locking up the doors to the store. Not thirty seconds later, the girl from earlier runs full tilt towards the doors with her arms cradling something to her chest, and smashes right into them, face first. The manager, who is ten feet away, approaches.)

Manager: “I need to see what’s in your coat, please.”

Girl: “Oh, but…”

(She opens her jacket and there’s a pre-paid cellphone. A look of exaggerated amazement appears on her face.)

Girl: “But… I don’t know how that got there…”

(I missed the rest of the show because it was time to clock out, but it was really hard not to just topple over laughing.)


Doesn’t Know What He’s Complaining Four

| UK | Crazy Requests

(I work in a shop where customers can order things online that will be delivered to the store, which they can then come to collect. One day a customer comes in and wants to collect a parcel.)

Customer: *throws slip of paper at me*

Me: “Hello, I assume you’d like a parcel collecting today. That’s no problem. I’ll just search the system for you.”

Customer: *grunts*

Me: “Right, I’ll go get these out of the back for you; I’ll just be a minute.”

(I return with four parcels.)


Me: “The people who package the items often put more than one item in each bag to save on packaging materials. It wastes less plastic so it’s better for the environment, but there will be the ten items in there.”


Me: “Yes, ma’am, there are. There are ten items on the slip. they’ve just condensed them into four parcels.”


(I show her the slip that lists the items in the packages.)


Me: “Right, but the slip shows there are ten items, so there are ten items. Would you like me to open the parcels to show you the ten items?”


(I end up feeling through the bags of the parcels to try feel these ten items.)

Customer: “If I get these home and there aren’t ten items I’m going to complain to your manager!” *storms off*


You Must Stay Past Four-th Of July

| IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

(I’m the store manager to a fairly large nationwide pool supply company. It’s currently the fourth of July. I’m the only employee working due to labor cut backs so I’ve stopped answering the phones with our usual long greetings. Instead I’m answering with the company name, my name, and our hours, since that seems to be all anyone is calling to ask for. The phone rings while I’m ringing out a customer.)

Me:: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. We are open until four today.”

Customer:: “Are you open today?”

Me:: “Yes, ma’am. We are open until four.”

Customer: “Oh, my goodness! How can they make you work on the fourth of July?! That’s so unpatriotic!”

Me: “I don’t mind. We get to close early today.”

Customer: “What time do you close?”

Me: *while trying hard not to roll my eyes so the other customer doesn’t witness my irritation* “We close at four.”

Customer: “Well, your website says you close at eight!”

Me: “That’s our regular time, ma’am. Today we close at four.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just not going to work. Can you stay open an extra hour for me? Don’t you have stuff to do around there after close? You can take your time and I’ll be there around five.”

Me: “No, ma’am. I can’t stay open until five. We close at four.”

Customer: “Well, that is not going to work for me. I’ll be there at five.”

(She hangs up before I could tell her I won’t stay. Ten minutes before four I have three customers walk in so I end up getting stuck until 4:30 pm helping them and I don’t get to my car until almost five pm. As I’m putting my purse in the car an older woman approaches me and I recognize her voice as the lady from the phone earlier.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I was hoping you could help me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, the store is closed. I could maybe answer some questions?”

Customer: “No, I need some pool shock. You can’t just go back in and ring me out for a box? I’ll pay cash.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the alarms are set and the cash is in the safe. I can’t go back in until tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “That’s just not right. I told you I wouldn’t be here until five! I know you helped other people after four! I saw you when I drove passed to go to the grocery store!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you would have come in at that point, before the doors were locked, I could have helped you, but since you went to the grocery store first my hands are tied.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! [Competitor] would help me!”

Me: “I think they closed at five today. You can try to see if they will still help you.”

Customer: “I can’t believe how selfish you are! I’m going to call your boss and let him know what you’re doing!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. The corporate number for complaints is [number]. Have a great night.”

(The customer stormed off complaining as I got in my car. Three days later my district manager called and asked if I had kicked an old woman out of my store before close on the fourth. I explained the situation and my company, staying true to who they are, gave the customer a $20 gift card.)


| USA | Unfiltered

(I have just finished ringing up a customer for his purchase that is well over $200. The following ensues:)

Me: “Okay, your total is [total].”

Customer: “Okay. Do you guys accept EBT?”

Me: “No, Sir, I’m sorry. We don’t.”

Customer: “What? Why not?”

Me: “… because we’re an… electronics store…?”

Customer: “Okay, so?”

Me: “So you can’t buy electronics….with an EBT card…?”

Customer: *sighs* “Well, then I’m going to have to come back later.”

Me: “Okay, I’m very sorry, Sir.”

(The customer never did come back, and I’m left to put away all his merchandise at the end of the night.)


Assault And Battery For The Salt And Battery

| OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre

(I am working the register. The day has been smooth so far, and I’ve even managed to tell a few jokes to liven up a customer’s day. A middle-aged man comes into the store, buying a packet of salt, and some batteries.)

Me: *joking* “I guess I’ll have to charge you for assault and battery, now do I?”

Man: *irate* “YOU F****** D******! I’M SUPPOSED TO MAKE THE JOKE, NOT YOU! I’M NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN!” *throws salt at my chest and storms out*

Customer: Holy s***! Did someone put salt in his coffee today?

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