Not Quite Walkie Tall

| Austin, TX, USA | Working | June 23, 2014

(We use walkie-talkies to communicate at the store where I work. I’m known for my sarcastic comments, but one of my managers just doesn’t get it.)

Manager: *over the walkie* “Hey, [My Name], do you have a walkie?”

Me: *over walkie* “No.”

(A few seconds later, I hear the store’s PA system come on.)

Manager: *over PA* “[My Name], please come to customer service. [My Name] to customer service.”

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Not Quite The (Ice) Cream Of The Crop

| UK | Right | June 21, 2014

(I work in a very popular chocolate shop that also sells ice cream in the summer. It is a particularly busy, hot Saturday. I am serving ice cream. There was a huge line of customers. Suddenly, a customer strolls into the store, leaving her bicycle outside. Eventually, it is her turn.)

Customer: “Finally. I’ll have a hazelnut.”

Me: “Sure, a double or a single?”

Customer: “Double.”

Me: “Would you like it in a cone or a tub?”

Customer: “A bag.”

Me: “…Pardon?”

Customer: “A bag.”

(I look at her for a moment)

Me: “I’m sorry, Miss, but the ice cream only comes in a cone or a tub.”

Customer: “Well, I need it in a bag. Do you have a bag?”

(We put chocolate in small transparent bags, but they would definitely not fit an ice cream tub, also there are no lids on the tubs to cover the ice cream.)

Me: “It won’t fit in one of our bags, miss.”

Customer: “Yes, it will. Get one.”

(I protest again, but fetch her bag anyway. I present it to her and show her the size, to prove it won’t fit.)

Me: “See, Miss? It’s too small. The tub won’t fit in there.”

Customer: “Oh, honestly, how do you even have a job? Do you even have a brain?”

(I’m hurt by this comment, and am getting quite angry.)

Me: “Look, it won’t fit; I don’t know what you’d like me to do.”

Customer: “Let me do it, girl.”

(She proceeds to take the full-to-the-brim ice cream tub and squeeze it into the bag sideways, smearing her ice cream all down the sides. I stare at her in disbelief. Ice cream is dripping everywhere.)

Customer: “Was that so hard?”

Me: *still staring* “Would… you like a spoon?”

(She held out the open bag and I dropped in a small plastic spoon with the already nearly melted ice cream. She paid and left. I watched her outside the window as she put her bag of squished ice cream into the child-seat of her bicycle, STRAPPED UP THE SEAT BELT, and cycled away down the road. I stared in disbelief for the rest of the day.)

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Pent Up On Pentagrams

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Right | June 20, 2014

(I’m stocking an aisle when a customer walks up.)

Me: “Hi, is there anyth—”

(She gets a look of horror on her face and quickly walks away. I attempt to call to her but she ignores me. A couple minutes she comes back with a manager in tow.)

Customer: “This is the girl! This is the devil worshiper you need to fire!”

(Both my manager and I exchange a confused look.)

Manager: “What exactly is your problem with her, ma’am?”

Customer: “She wears a symbol of Satan! She’s a minion of Lucifer!”

(This is when I remember the star symbol earring I am wearing.)

Me: “Ma’am, this earring is not a symbol of Satan. It’s just a star. You’d have to flip it a full 180 degrees to be the symbol you’re referring to.”

Customer: “No! It’s a sign of the devil! You’re a devil worshiper!”

(My manager and I tried to explain to her the difference between the well-known satanic pentagram and my simple star symbol but she won’t listen. The manager escorted her away from my section and I removed my earring for the rest of my shift.)

Not Going According To Phone Plan

, | Macedonia, OH, USA | Right | June 20, 2014

(I work in a small-scale electronics store and am the only female sales associate in the place. We get paid largely on commission, and specialize in cellular phones. I helped a gentleman in his 50s set up his phone plan.)

Me: “Well, sir, your plan is almost ready to go. Now I just need some information on who the other phone line is for and we’ll be all set.”

Customer: *winks creepily* “The other phone is for my son. Good looking kid in his twenties going to law school. You’re a smart girl; save his number and give him a call. You’d be well taken care of.”

Me: *laughs awkwardly* “I will keep that in mind, sir. In the mean time, let’s get your phone plan taken care of so you can be on your way.”

Customer: *frantically dials his new phone* “Robert?! It’s Dad. Come to the [Store] right now! There is a girl here you should meet.” *pauses for son’s response* I’d say a six. Hard eight if she put in a little effort.”

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Last Name Last Thought

| Franklin, TN, USA | Right | June 19, 2014

(I’ve worked retail for years, but this is my turn at being the clueless customer. This store can look up your membership card with your name and phone number. I am currently wearing my name tag, which has only my first name on it.)

Associate: “Oh, you work at [Other Store]. You must know [Coworker], who used to work here!”

Me: “Oh, yeah, [Coworker]’s great! Oh, I have a membership card, but I don’t have it on me.”

Associate: “What’s your last name?”

Me: “I’m not sure… [My Name], I think.”

Associate: “…”

Me: “Oh, my God, I’m sorry! I thought you were asking for [Coworker]’s last name! Sorry! Do I win the award today?”

Associate: “Not even the strangest thing that’s happened today.”

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