Logic That Doesn’t Hold Water

| Green Brook, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(I recently sold a pool to an elderly customer. Right after the installers leave, she calls the store.)

Customer: “Hi, may I speak with [me]?”

Me: “This is [me], how may I help you?”

Customer: “I just had my pool installed today.”

Me: “Oh yes, how did everything go? Are you satisfied with the job?”

Customer: “Yes everything is perfect, but I was wondering what box the water came in? I think the delivery men may have forgotten it.”

A Real Classic

| Rochester, NY, USA | Top

(I am a customer talking to a sales person when I am interrupted by another customer.)

Customer: “Do you have any Beethoven?”

Sales Person: “Certainly, our Classical section has quite a selection of Beethoven.”

Customer: “Well, I couldn’t find any of Beethoven, only various orchestras performing Beethoven’s music. Don’t you have any live Beethoven?”

Sales Person: “Well, no we don’t, and I don’t think you will manage to find that anywhere.”

Customer: “Well I bet [other store] has it across the way.”

Sales Person: “Well, I would doubt that, but you are welcome to check.”

Customer: “Why don’t you think they will have it?”

Me: (I just had to interrupt.) “Well, because everyone knows that all the live copies of Beethoven burned up in his estate fire.”

Customer: “Well I didn’t know that. So if there are no live recordings anywhere, how do people know what it sounds like?”

Me: “Well the sheet music was luckily printed on fireproof paper.”

Customer: “Wow, they had fireproof paper back then?”

Unsolved Mystery Shopper

| Nashua, NH, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer walks up with a shirt.)

Customer: “Is this what she was talking about?”

Me: “Who?”

Customer: “My daughter, is this what she was talking about?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Customer: “Why? I just want to know if this is what she was talking about.”

Me: “Were you talking with me about clothing?”

Customer: “No, I was talking to her at our house. Is this what she was talking about?”

Me: “Ma’am, I wasn’t with you last night when you were talking with your daughter.”

Customer: “Oh, I know. But, is this what she was talking about?”

Me: “Yes, yes it was.”

Customer: “Great! I’ll get it!”

You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2

| South Wales, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m after some Durex.”

Me: “Durex? I’m sorry we don’t sell Durex.”

Customer: “Not even for toys?”

Me: “For toys?”

Customer: “Duracell! Duracell batteries!”

You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Item
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

Perhaps It’s Because You Drive A Hummmvee

| New York, USA | Uncategorized

(I have a sticker on my car that reads “Caution: Driver Singing”. I pulled up into work when a customer tapped me on the shoulder.)

Customer: “Hey.”

Me: “Um, hi?”

Customer: “I thought so! You’re that girl with the singing bumper sticker, aren’t you?”

Me: “Oh! Yes, I am.”

Customer: “I passed you in the parking lot at yesterday. You weren’t singing.”

Me: “Oh, well, I’ve had a sore throat.”

Customer: *completely serious* “You should always be singing, you know.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “In a car like that, you should always be singing so your sticker doesn’t lie!”

Me: “Well, the other day when you passed me? I was humming.”

Customer: *perfectly happy again* “Oh, really? Well, that’s alright then!”

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