Inhuman Resources

| UK | At The Checkout, Top

(It’s a very busy Friday afternoon. As I’m serving customers, I hear a woman in the queue line speaking in a raised voice to her friend. She’s wearing a business suit and looks like a professional.)

Woman: “Look at that! Their job is so easy! All they have to do is put things in bags and stand behind a till! A monkey could do that.”

(Her friend looks very embarrassed as she prattles on, drawing stares from other customers in the process. Finally, she reaches my till and puts a basket full of items in front of me.)

Me: “Good afternoon. Would you like an eco-bag with your purchase?”

Woman: “Yes, yes, get on with it. I don’t have all day!”

(I proceed to scan the items through. Throughout, the customer is talking in to her friend about how easy this job is, and how stupid myself and my coworkers must be. I can feel myself tearing up, but try to ignore it.)

Me: “That’s £59.50, madam.”

Woman: “What? That’s not right! Stupid little b****! You can’t even get something this simple right!”

(Just then, a man being served at the next till speaks up. He’s wearing a t-shirt and jeans.)

Man: “Hey, lady, watch your mouth. This girl has been doing a great job and has been extremely patient with you. I’d have thrown you out by now.”

Woman: “How dare you talk to me like that! Do you have any idea who I am?”

(She brandishes an ID card for a well-known company at him, on which the words ‘HR team leader’ are visible.)

Man: “Well, what a coincidence.”

(He shows her his badge for the SAME company, which has the words ‘senior executive’ visible.)

Man: “I know your direct supervisor personally. I’ll be telling him about your attitude problem on Monday.”

Woman: “I… I…”

(She turns bright red, chucks the money at me and practically runs from the store. Her friend, grinning, follows.)

Man: “Man, pulling rank feels good sometimes.”

Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 4

| Greeley, CO, USA | Bizarre

(I am known at my job for having interesting colored hair. I had it purple for about two months before I changed it to black with purple streaks. It is now a lot more subtle, and I really like it.)

Customer: “What did you do to your hair!?”

Me: “I dyed it.”

Customer: “No, you ruined it! I come in here all the time and I loved to look over and see your funky hair! It made me long for my wild days when I used to do crank. You just ruined my life!”

(I am speechless, and trying to ring her up as quick as possible. At this point, my wonderful manager comes over.)

Customer: “Do you have kids?!”

Me: “Uh… no.”

Manager: “I do.”

Customer: *to my manager* “You lie to your kids! Santa isn’t real! My kids knew the truth! There is only Jesus! And drugs aren’t bad! You lie to kids!”

(She grabs her things and leaves in a huff.)

Me: *to my manager* “What the h*** was that?!”

Related:
Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 3
Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 2
Makes You Want To Dye A Little

A Borderline Liar

| CA, USA | Liars & Scammers

(A customer is paying with her credit card.)

Me: “I just need to see your card and ID.”

(She hands me her YMCA card.)

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I need a valid ID.”

Customer: “That is a valid ID.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I need either a state issued ID or a military ID.”

(She looks through her wallet but can’t find her ID.)

Me: “I’m sorry, did you want to use another form of payment?”

Customer: “No, this is ridiculous. I use this card everywhere I go for identification. I’ve even passed through immigration with this.”

Me: “Really? With your YMCA card?”

Customer: “Yes! At the airport, all you need is an ID with a picture on it.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry ma’am, I guess we are just not as lenient as Homeland Security.”