Name Changer Is A Game Changer

| Bellevue, NE, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I work for a nationwide retail company. We do not price match or accept coupons from other stores. The company name is very similar to another company of the same type, and people often get them confused. I ring up a customer’s items and total the sale before she hands me a page of coupons from a similar company’s ad flyer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but these coupons are from [other company].”

Customer: “Well, what is this?”

(I look down at my apron, which displays my company’s logo.)

Me: “This is [company name].”

Customer: *angrily* “Well, it says [other company] out on the sign!”

(I points to the sign by the street, which is visible from where we are standing.)

Me: “No, ma’am, I assure you that this is [company name].”

Customer: *shoves coupons back in her purse* “You guys should change your name!”

Toy Glory

| MD, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am assistant manager at an adult novelty item store. Two teenage girls approach the counter giggling to themselves. They sheepishly each place a particular kind of adult novelty item on the counter.)

Me: “Would you ladies also require batteries for your items?”

Girl #1: “Oh, these don’t come with batteries?”

Me: “No, it’s typically how the manufacturers of these products save money on production.”

Girl #1: *giggles* “No, thank you. I’m buying this for a friend.”

Girl #2: “Yes, me too. I’m also buying this for a friend. She won’t need batteries.”

(I conclude the purchase with the embarrassed young ladies and begin to assist the next customer, a woman in her late 20s/early 30s.)

Woman: “Yes, I will be needing batteries because I’m buying this for me!”

Me: “Can I please shake your hand?”

Mama Puts A Stammer In Your Swagger

| OH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

(I’m up working the cash register on a slow day, when a teenage boy comes up. He looks to be about 14. He’s sagging his pants, trying to look tough.)

Customer: “Hey, baby.”

Me: “Hi there, sir. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *leans on the counter* “You can get me your number.”

(I’m 25, and engaged.)

Me: “Sorry, but that’s not going to happen. Can I help you with anything else?”

Customer: “Why the f*** not, you stupid b****?!”

Me: “One: That would be illegal. Two: I am happily engaged. And three: even if I ignore the first two, it’s against company policy.”

Customer: “You’re a f***ing b****! You should be happy I want a piece of your a**!”

(As the customer continues ranting and raving, a woman appears behind him. She reaches out and taps his shoulder twice.)

Customer: “What the f*** do you want—”

(He turns around. All the color drains from his face. He manages to squeak out some words.)

Customer: “Hi, mama.”

(She smacks him across the face.)

Customer’s Mom: “I did not raise you to be a self-entitled douche-bag! I did not raise you to think you are better than this poor girl!” *she grabs him by the ear, and shoves him against the counter, facing me* “Now, apologize!”

Customer: “But mom!”

Customer’s Mom: “Now!”

(He looks close to tears. He mumbles out how sorry he is, and how it wasn’t fair of him to treat me like a piece of meat. His mom, by his ear, pushes him towards the door.)

Customer’s Mom: “Go.”

(He walks out of the store, ready to cry. She turns to me, gives me a huge smile, apologizes again, and even buys me a gift card. Apparently there are some good parents still out there!)