Not The Brightest Bulb In The Box

| South Carolina, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement, Uncategorized

Customer: “I would like to return this flashlight.”

Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “It’s too hard to take apart.”

Me: “Why did you take it apart?”

Customer: “I wanted to know if it was easy to take apart.”

Pills For Thrills Don’t Work On Tills

| South Carolina, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Uncategorized

(A customer comes up to the register angry and acting pretty drunk.)

Customer: “I bought this purse from you guys, and whenever I go to a store the alarm goes off! You need to fix it!”

Me: “Ma’am, we’ve removed the sensor when you purchased it. You should be fine. It must be something inside your purse.”

Customer: “No! It’s the purse! D*** fix it!”

Me: “Ma’am, you really need to calm down. Our door alarm didn’t go off when you entered the store.”

Customer: “That’s because it only happens at other stores!”

Me: “Well, the only other option is to take your purse apart. I don’t think you want to do that. Are you sure you don’t have any prescription drugs or CDs in there? Those can sometimes trigger the alarm.”

Customer: “I have pills, but they’re not exactly prescription.”

*awkward silence before the customer realizes what they have said*

Customer: “F**k you. I’m not going to jail for this!” *storms out*

Bride Denied

| Iowa City, IA, USA | Money, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(Two women walk in.)

Me: “Hi how can I help you?”

Customer: “We’d like to return this dinnerware set. It comes from a registry so here that is also.”

Me: “Okay. Is there anything wrong with it?”

Customer: “No, we just decided we didn’t like the bride that much.”

Heartless & Toothless

| Wisconsin Rapids, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Religion, Uncategorized

(I am ringing up an older female customer’s order which includes several name brand toothbrushes. They ring up at $3.50.)

Customer: “Those toothbrushes should be 99 cents and buy-one-get-one-free!”

Me: “That price was actually for the store brand ones that were located right under these. The sale tag is displayed right above the item.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want them, then. They were for the homeless at my church, and they don’t need toothbrushes if they cost that much!”

No Aptitude For Latitude, Part 2

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Technology, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

(I am talking to a woman on the phone who needs to call back the next day. She is in Texas).

Caller: “What time is it there?”

Me: “Three thirty.”

Caller: “In the morning?”

Me: “No, in the afternoon.”

Caller: “Oh. Of what day?”

Me: “Saturday. We’re only three hours different from you.”

Caller: “Really?” *pause* “Is it snowing?”

Me: “No ma’am, its August. Its nice and sunny out.”

Caller: “Oh wow!”

Related:
Yukon Freeze It
No Vocation For Location
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
No Fortitude For Longitude
No Aptitude For Latitude

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