The Prince Of Darkness Gets A Bad Rap

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, hello. I was just wondering if any of you there are Black Sabbath fans?”

(I ask my other coworkers.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. No one here seems to be huge fans or anything. Is there something I can help you with?”

Caller: “Yeah! I need to know the name of this Black Sabbath song! It’s got a real sick beat, but I don’t know what it’s called!”

Me: “Oh, well, if you know the lyrics I can look them up online for you to find out the title. If you’d like, I can find out if we have that CD right now.”

Caller: “That’s the thing! I don’t know the lyrics! It just goes, ‘dunnnn, dunnn dunnnn’.”

(He proceeds to attempt to hum the song for a few more minutes.)

Me: “I’m really sorry, sir. But I really don’t know the name of that song.”

Caller: “Isn’t anyone older there? Or someone that likes older music?”

Me: “No, sorry. We’re all just a bunch of ‘young’ins’ here.”

Caller: “Ah, I see. You are all too busy listening to rap music to know what Black Sabbath is. Thanks anyway!”

GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 2

, | IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [electronics store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Well, here’s the thing. My husband and I are coming to you to return our GPS. It’s broken.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. So what is the problem?”

Customer: “We weren’t sure where you are located, so we plugged the address into our GPS, and now we’re lost.”

Me: ”Was this the same GPS that you were coming to return?!”

Customer: “Yes, but we figured since we brought it to you, it would at least know how to find you.”

Related:
GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity

Hello, This Is Mr. Bobcalling

| MD, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [store]. This is Liz speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, Lizspeaking. Do you have this in stock?”

(I have no idea how to gently correct him, so I let it be and put the item he wants on hold. He then comes in later to pick up his item and approaches my coworker.)

Customer: “Are you Ms. Lizspeaking?”

Coworker: “What?”

The Pen Is Mighter Than The Brain, Part 2

| Saskatoon, SK, Canada | Uncategorized

(My work has touch screens for credit and debit transactions.)

Customer: “Your screen has lines all over it. It’s really hard to read.”

Me: “Oh, yeah. Sorry. It still works fine, but the screens always seem to do that.”

(The customer uses her finger to enter her pin number. We have pens attached to each machine for customers to enter pins and sign for credit cards.)

Me: “Actually, could you use the pen? It makes it easier to use.”

Customer: “No thanks. This is okay.”

Me: “That’s actually the reason the machine’s screen has lines.”

Related:
The Pen Is Mightier Than The Brain

One Annoyed Paranoid, Part 2

| Allentown, PA, USA | Uncategorized

(It is store policy to ask customers for zip codes, purely for survey purposes.)

Me: “Good evening. May I have you zip code, please?”

Customer: “No! That’s how they find you!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. I heard it on the news. The number one way that people steal your identity is from your zip code!”

Me: “I’ll just enter a random one, then.”

Customer: “Thank you. Hey, do you guys ever have coupon specials?”

Me: “Oh, yes. Several times a year. We send out coupons to our email list. Would you like to sign up?”

Customer: “Sure!”

Me: “Alright. When you get home, you can go to our website. The address is on your receipt. Sign up with your email address there.”

Customer: “Wait, you’ll have my email address then?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s how the coupons and discounts get sent out. However, we keep that information very private. It’s not given out to anyone else.”

Customer: “No way, they’ll use it to steal my identity! Let me give you my street address. You can send things there.”

(The customer proceeds to hand me a blank check with all her info. She doesn’t even bother to void it.)

Related:
One Annoyed Paranoid

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