See-Through Excuses

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(A customer comes in with four boxes of our crystal product. They are all broken and foggy.)

Me: “Oh no, what happened to these?”

Customer: “I just tried cleaning them and they all broke!”

Me: “How did you clean these?”

Customer: ” I put them in my dishwasher, of course!”

Me: “Ma’am, these are very delicate crystal figurines. They shouldn’t even be put in water.”

Customer: “Oh, please! Like I’m going to bother cleaning them myself!”

Salvation Barmy

| Downingtown, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(We take electronics and recycle them for people.)

Me: “Thank you for calling! How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, do you recycle clothes?”

Me: “Clothes? No, we only take electronics. You should try the homeless charity across the street.”

Caller: “I don’t want to give them to homeless people. I just want to recycle them!”

Just Wait Until She Finds The Penny Slots

| Wellington, New Zealand | Money, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’ll take a $2 scratch-and-win, please.”

Me: “Awesome. Here you go.”

Customer: “I was wondering how much you have to pay for one with prizes?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “If I got a $3 one, would it have a chance to win prizes?”

Me: “That one you have has a chance to win prizes, ma’am. They all do.”

Customer: *surprised* “Really?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: *excited* “You learn something new every day!”

It’s Going To Be One Of Those Days

| Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [electronics store]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wanting to buy one of those thingies that records stuff on a tape.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. What exactly were you looking to use this for?”

Customer: “Well, I want to record myself singing and send it to my grandkids.”

Me: “Well, it sounds like you’d need a voice recorder for that.”

Customer: “Oh, then I just send them the tape?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, our company discontinued tapes. Almost everything gets recorded onto digital data, like memory cards and such.”

Customer: “What’s a memory card?”

(I provide a lengthy explanation of memory card.)

Customer: “So, then I just mail them the memory card instead of the tape?”

Me: “No, ma’am. You could simply e-mail them the file of the audio clip.”

Customer: “What’s e-mail?”

There Is No Voice Of Reason

| Petaluma, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Language & Words, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [electronics store]. What brings you in today?”

Customer: “I need an electronic English to Spanish dictionary.”

Me: “Okay, right this way.”

Customer: “Does it talk?”

Me: “No. We don’t sell translators here.”

Customer: “This isn’t a translator?”

Me: “It will translate English words to Spanish words, but it won’t speak them. It will only show you the text.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! If I knew how to speak the d*** language, I wouldn’t need the d*** dictionary!”

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