The Wrong School Of Thought

| Raisio, Finland | Working | December 28, 2013

(After a long day of work, I go shopping for some clothes for my fiancé. I find a great bargain on some nice t-shirts. I am 24.)

Me: “These are lovely. My fiancé still uses some t-shirts from 8th grade. I thought it was well past time to upgrade.”

Cashier: “Oh wow. Yeah. Good call! Though perhaps 8th grade wasn’t that long ago?”

Me: “If he recently attended junior high, we would have a more serious problem than overused t-shirts!”

Police Work Is Child’s Play, Part 2

| Ashland, OH, USA | Working | December 27, 2013

(I am in a retail store with my boyfriend looking for something for my 25th birthday. We are holding hands most of the time. At the till, I see a cashier watching us.)

Cashier: “Okay. That’s $10.” *my boyfriend pays* “Thanks.”

Me: “[Boyfriend], I feel tired. Can we go to the car?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah. Of course, sweetie.”

(He goes. I see the cashier smiling at me.)

Cashier: “You want to buy anything else? Make-up? Music CDs? There’s some skinny jeans 70 percent off.”

Me: “No, thanks. My boyfriend and I just want to go.”

Cashier: “Boyfriend?”

Me: “Yeah?” *nervous* “Are you hitting on me?”

Cashier: *alarmed* “No! No.”

(I think nothing of it. A little way down the street I see a police car behind us. My boyfriend pulls over and to our surprise, the car stops behind us.)

Boyfriend: “Is the tail light out?”

Officer #1: “Sir, could you step out, please?”

Boyfriend: *confused* “Sure.”

Officer #2: *to me* “I just need your name, miss.”

Me: “What’s going on? I promise, we weren’t drinking or anything, I just want to know why my boyfriend’s been pulled over.”

Officer #2: “It’s nothing to worry about. You’re safe.”

Me: “Wait, what—”

Officer #3: “[Officer #1]!”

(I see out the rear mirror the officer has picked up our shopping. Inside the shopping bag are magazines, both fashion and car, alcohol, little packets of cookies, cookie mix, and condoms. Also inside are some birthday candles, which the officer is holding. I hear the first officer shout at my boyfriend, but I can hardly work any out.)

Officer #1: “YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE, MISTER! Get in the car now!”

Boyfriend: “Look, I…”

Officer #1: “DO YOU REALISE HOW MUCH TROUBLE YOU’RE IN? I’m taking your phone and when we get to your house. We’re taking your laptop and any other evidence at the house. We also need to contact this girl’s parents. If they’re covering for you, that’s sick.”

Me: *to officer #2* “What’s going on? Why is he being arrested? Has he done something?”

Officer #2: “It’s okay now, [my name]. I need to ask you some questions. They may not be nice, but I need an answer.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I see my boyfriend being taken in the police car and driven away. I begin to get tense and play with my hair.)

Officer #2: “When’s your birthday?”

Me: “[Date].”

Officer #2: “How old are you going to be?”

Me: “Milestone birthday.”

Officer #2: “Okay, milestone. So what? 13? 16? 18?”

Me: “What? 25!”

Officer #2: “25!” *talks in radio* “Er, [Officer #1], we kind of need to talk.”

Me: *beginning to realize* “Oh, my God. Look. I can prove it! Here’s my driver’s license. My parents have a ton of photos at home of me in the last five years, and I got my graduate certificate somewhere… Just… who reported it?”

Officer #2: “A cashier. We got a picture of some girl aged eleven to sixteen, hard to tell in that bomber jacket, being taken out by a man in his late twenties, early thirties. Plus, what we found in the shopping bag…”

Me: “Oh, God. I feel soooo bad.”

(My boyfriend is released from the cells soon after. A couple of days later, I turn 25. I have to say, it was the most embarrassing part of remembering how old I really am!)

Related:
Police Work Is Child’s Play

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Needs To Take A Sabbath-ical From Stupidity

| NC, USA | Right | December 27, 2013

(I am the manager of the cashiers. A customer is talking to one of my cashiers.)

Customer: “You know you are going to Hell? Right?”

Coworker: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You are going because you are working on a Sunday.”

Coworker: “Well, I guess I will see you there since you are shopping.”

(The customer’s face goes red but he says nothing else. He pays and leaves. The coworker comes up to me.)

Coworker: “Oh, gosh. I am not going to get fired am I?”

Me: “Not by my standards you aren’t!”

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Taking A Holiday From Management

| SC, USA | Working | December 27, 2013

(It is two days before Thanksgiving, and the holiday schedule is finally released. Many employees are upset, because the store manager waited so long to release the schedule.)

Coworker: “This is BS. They should have given us this schedule weeks ago!”

Me: “It is ridiculous. I’m working the middle shift. Any chance I had hoped to have of having a Thanksgiving meal at home is pretty much out of the question now.”

Coworker: “Notice how [Store Manager] isn’t on here.”

Me: “Of course not. He’s never worked a single holiday.”

(One of the manager wanders over. He sees the schedule and sighs.)

Manager: “This is the fourth year in a row I’ve been scheduled to work middle shift on Thanksgiving. I’ve not spent a single Thanksgiving meal with my kids because of this scheduling.”

Me: “That’s not right!”

Manager: “I doubt either of the other two managers on duty will switch with me, and we all know that [Store Manager] won’t give up a holiday.”

(My coworker turns and walks off. The manager and I sigh, and go back to work. A short time later we hear the store manager throwing a tantrum.)

Store Manager: “This is bulls***! There is no reason I should be forced to come in!”

Coworker: “Well, according to corporate policy, every manager must work a holiday to give others an ample chance at being off. I guess they finally caught up with you not working.”

(The store manager goes off on a profanity filled rant and locks himself in the office.)

Me: “What was that about?”

Coworker: “Apparently [Store Manager] got a call from corporate. They’ve realized he’s never scheduled himself for a holiday. They’re making him work Thanksgiving and, quite possibly, Christmas, this year.”

Me: “Huh. I can’t even feel sorry for him.”

(It turned out, my coworker called corporate to check on what the policies were for holidays. He then reported the schedule only being done two days prior to the holiday and the store manager never working any holidays. Shortly after Thanksgiving, the store manager was demoted and moved to another store.)

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Extra Small Minded

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Right | December 27, 2013

(I work for a very well-known clothing store that caters to plus sized women. The smallest size is 14W. A very skinny woman walks into the store.)

Me: “Hi, there! How can I help you today? Are you shopping for a gift?”

Customer: “No. I am shopping for myself today.”

Me: “Alright. Just so you know, we are a size 14+ store. We do have some nice accessories. May I help you find anything?”

Customer: “No. I just want to look around.”

(The customer wanders off. I start puttering around, cleaning some things, as we are slow. A few minutes later I notice her holding a top and wandering around looking a bit confused.)

Me: “Hey. Is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “Where are your smaller sizes?”

Me: “I’m sorry. As I mentioned earlier the smallest size we carry is 14 wide, or extra large.”

Customer: “But where are the SMALLER sizes?”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry. We do not carry small sizes.”

Customer: “Yes, yes. But where do you keep the smaller sizes?”

Me: “Miss, I’m sorry. I don’t know how else to explain this to you. [Store] is plus-sized retail chain. We make clothes for women who look like me.”

(I gesture to my size 24 figure. All of a sudden a look of realization comes into the woman’s eyes. She looks around as if seeing the other employees, customers, and myself for the first time.)

Customer: “Wait. This is a store for FATTIES?”

(The customer drops the shirt she’d been holding as if it’s going to burn her and storms out. I just stand there, totally stunned. A few customers shoot the skinny woman dirty looks.)

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