Every Trick In The Book

| Houston, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

(I’m working the register when an older lady approaches and asks for a price check on some fabric.)

Me: “That one is $9.99 per yard.”

Customer: “Minus the 30% off.”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s regular price.”

Customer: “The sign said 30% off.”

(She takes me to the place where the fabric came from. The sign does indeed say 30% off, but has the name of the fabric that’s stored on the opposite side of the display. I flip the sign around the right way.)

Me: “Sorry, someone must have accidentally spun it around. See? It says this is regular price. The names are on the signs, so you can see which ones are on sale.”

Customer: “Okay, okay. Sorry.”

(She goes back to browsing and I go back to the register. After I ring up a few more customers, she’s back with another bolt to be checked.)

Me: “This one is $12.99 per yard.”

Customer: “But the sign says it’s only $3.95!”

Me: “Okay, let’s go look again.”

(Again, the sign over the fabric’s location says what she quoted to me. However, it’s been ripped in half so that the name of the fabric is now gone and it’s barely staying in its frame. I turn and look at the customer and she throws her hands up before I can even open my mouth.)

Customer: “I didn’t think you’d fall for it, but I had to try! Fabric’s so expensive these days!”

Zombies Need Friends Too

| Natick, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Zombies

(I’m ringing up a mother and her daughter, about 8 years old, at the register. My computer is messing up, so sometimes when I scan an item, it comes up as a different item with the wrong price.)

Me: “I’m sorry about this. My computer seems to be acting up.”

Girl: “Maybe it’s broken!”

Me: “Yeah, that’s probably true.”

Girl: *excitedly* “Or…maybe zombies got it!”

Me: *plays along* “Oh yeah, that’s a good possibility too!”

Girl: “Yeah, zombies are people that used to be dead, and then they came back to life!”

Me: “Wow, that sounds pretty creepy!”

(The girl chatters on about zombies and other stuff while I finish cashing her mother out for their purchases.)

Me: *hands them their bags* “Alright, you have a good day, and look out for zombies!”

Girl: “Oh, don’t worry! That only happens in nightmares. Just make sure you dream about good zombies!”

Me: “Got it, I’ll make sure I do!”

Related:
Zombies Need Life Insurance Too
Zombies Need Retail Contractors Too
Zombies Need Retail Assistance Too
Zombies Need Tech Support Too
Zombies Need Healthcare Too
Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

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No Bar And No Bite

| Portsmouth, NH, USA | Liars & Scammers

(A customer is trying to return an opened CD. This is against store policy, which is clearly stated on a poster in the store and is printed on every receipt. While discussing this with the customer, I notice a name tag from a local pet store on his shirt.)

Customer: “You have to give me a refund! I’m a lawyer and I know my rights!”

Me: *giggles*

Customer: “What’s so funny? I will sue you and I will sue this whole company! Give me my refund!”

Me: “You’re a lawyer?”

Customer: “Of course! Are you calling me a liar? I’ll sue you!”

Me: “So, do you work at [pet store] between cases or is that just a fashion statement?” *points to the name tag*

Customer: “Uh…well…you see…”

Me: “Isn’t it illegal to impersonate a lawyer?”

Customer: “Never mind!”

(The ‘lawyer’ grabs the CD and walks out of the store with his head hanging.)

DIY: Dental It Yourself

, | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Health & Body

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need a very fine grit sandpaper.”

Me: “Here you go.”

Customer: “Thanks! This will be perfect for my teeth!”

Bigot Bait

| Burleson, TX, USA | Top

(I am helping a customer when a red-faced older man walks up and slaps the counter.)

Customer: “Why does [store] have illegals working here?! This is America!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what you’re talking about. If you can just calm down–”

Customer: “Don’t you tell me to calm down! I fought for this country! I didn’t fight so that a bunch Mexicans could take over our country. You need to have someone here who speaks English in [department]!”

Me: “Sir, your language and comments are offensive to me, and I would like you to not speak to me again. I will be happy to get a manager for you, though.”

Customer: “F***ing Mexican lover!”

Customer, to his companion: “Let’s get out of here! Now!”

(I walk over to the department he was referencing. However, the only person there is a customer who just happens to be wearing something similar to our uniform. She smiles at me and says, in perfect English, “I really pissed him off, didn’t I?”)

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