This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14

| CT, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, do you have financing options?”

(I explain the program, and the customer fills out the online form. The site gives an instant decision. She gets declined.)

Customer: “I got declined. I don’t understand why.”

Me: “Well, it has to do with your credit. You’ll receive a packet in the mail within 10 business days explaining exactly why you were declined.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. Can you help me with this? I think I did something wrong.”

Me: “Well, I wouldn’t apply again. It’s not likely to change and it means that it will run another credit check on you.”

(The customer insists, and begins filling it out with me there overseeing. She gets to the section about annual income and planned purchase amount. She puts $100,000 as her annual salary. Keep in mind, she’s no more than 25.)

Me: “Man, I’m in the wrong business. Can I ask what you do?”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I’m a student. But my dad works on Wall Street.”

Me: “But you make $100,000 per year?”

Customer: “No, my dad does.”

Me: “But, you’re applying for the card in your name. They need your annual income.”

Customer: “Can’t I just use his?”

Me: “No, you can’t. In fact, what you just did is illegal. That’s why you got declined. You’re trying to commit credit fraud.”

Customer: “Oh, I can’t do that?”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 11

Bi Now, Gay Later

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Could you tell me if this store is bisexual?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “You know, like men’s clothes and women’s clothes together?”

Me: “Unisex? Yes, ma’am, the store is unisex.”

Customer: “Oh, good. Do you go both ways?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I can help you with all your purchases.”

Totally, Like, Imperio

| Kraków, Poland | Uncategorized

(I want to walk into a retail store. There is a customer of my age (around 22) standing in front of the door. It won’t open for her.)

Customer:Alohomora!”

(The door opens as I walk closer.)

Customer: “Ha! Works!”

(She goes in and I follow her. This is a little store with not much space to wander around. A customer is trying to reach something on the highest shelf.)

Customer:Accio!”

(I shake the shelf a little so the item she wants falls into her arms.)

Customer: “Whoa! It really does work!”

(We proceed to the register, and she pays and leaves. I am in line behind her. When I get out of the store, she’s already there, standing by her car. A policeman is there, too, writing her a ticket.)

Customer: “Oh, but I really just went in for a minute! I didn’t see the sign!”

Policeman: “I’m sorry, miss, there’s nothing I can do. You broke the law by parking here.”

(The customer stares at him blankly, and then glances at me.)

Me: “I think the word you’re looking for is ‘Imperio’!”

Related:
Totally, Like, Aguamenti
Totally, Like, Excruciatus

They Grow Up (And Get Incarcerated) So Fast, Part 2

| TX, USA | Uncategorized

(I am approached by an 8-year-old customer.)

Child: “Miss, can I buy this game?”

(He holds up a copy of an adult-rated game.)

Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t. You’ll need your parent or guardian to buy that for you.”

Child: “Okay. I just called my mom. She’ll be here soon.

(The mother and other children arrive at the store.)

Mother: “Okay, what is it?”

Me: “I just need to know if you approve of this game. It contains blood, violence, use of drugs-”

Mother: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boobs, butts, drugs, whatever. I don’t care. He’s paying for it.”

Related:
They Grow Up (And Get Incarcerated) So Fast

Zombies Need Retail Assistance Too

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Uncategorized, Zombies

Me: “Hello. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “I’m alive.”

Me: “That’s good. Find everything okay today?”

Customer: “Yeah. Because if I wasn’t alive, I’d be dead. Or a zombie.”

Me: “I guess you would.”

Customer: “Do you like zombies?”

Related:
Zombies Need Tech Support Too
Zombies Need Healthcare Too
Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

Page 381/574First...379380381382383...Last