The Customer Is Always Righteous

| Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion, Uncategorized

(A regular customer comes into our store. She’s known to be very difficult to please.)

Customer: “Good evening.”

Me: *cheerily, while ringing her items up* “Good evening, ma’am! That’s $5.31, please.”

(She puts a credit card down in front of me, which I ring through the register.)

Me: “If you could please sign right there…”

(I point, and she does. I bag her items and hand her the bag, her credit card, and her receipt. She takes them slowly and I think I’ve done a good job, but apparently not.)

Customer: “You dishonor me! You dishonor me and you will burn for it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

Customer: “God honors me! You don’t, and you will burn! I don’t know, I’m not God. But that’s what he’s saying. You dishonor me and you will burn!” *walks away*

Me: *totally speechless*

Backwards Driving, Loopy Logic

| Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Hall of Fame, Uncategorized

(I work in a store with a donut-shaped, one-way parking lot.)

Customer: “Your parking lot is way too dangerous! I was trying to go for a spot and someone came the other way. There was no space to get around each other! What if we crashed?”

Me: “Which way did you go when you entered the lot? Straight or to the right?”

Customer: “I went straight, towards the doors! What does that matter?”

Me: “Well, everyone is supposed to go one way in the parking lot to avoid that kind of situation.”

Customer: “Then that idiot was going the wrong way! Someone should be out there monitoring the lot!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, you’re supposed to turn right when you enter the parking lot. Everyone moves in a counter-clockwise direction.”

Customer: “And I’m supposed to just know that? The road should be marked!”

Me: “It is, ma’am.”

Customer: “It certainly is not!”

(I lead the customer to a window overlooking the lot and the customer sees enormous white arrows painted the entire way through, showing which way to go.)

Customer: “What, you expect me to be looking at the road when I drive!?”

No Civility, No Social Graces, No Service

| North Carolina, USA | Money, Uncategorized

(I am required to ask to see a customer’s credit card and ID if they make a credit purchase over $25.)

Me: “Can I see your card and ID, please, sir?”

Customer: “If my father were here, he’d call you a b****.”

Me: “If your father were here, I’d ask him to leave.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “I don’t tolerate that kind of language. Please leave.”

Customer: *glares at me awhile longer, but eventually leaves the store*

Why Math Counts

| Michigan, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

Customer: *hands me two identical coupons*

Me: “You want to use two 20% off coupons? That takes two dollars off each item. Using a five dollar off one would save you an extra dollar. Would you rather use that one?”

Customer: “But using these two coupons saves me more.”

Me: “Actually, you only save four dollars by using those. The five dollar one would save you more.”

Customer: “But using more coupons saves more money!”

Me: “That one coupon is worth more savings than those two, though. That coupon would save you a dollar more, and you can use those two 20% ones another day. Five dollars is more than four dollars.”

Customer: “No, it’s not! I don’t understand how you think that!”

A Private Broadcast

| Monterey, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, how are you?”

Customer: *says several numbers*

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: *says several numbers* “That’s my zip code. Isn’t that what you asked?”

Me: “No, I just asked how you were. Did you have any coupons?”

Customer: “Oh. I’m fine.” *says even more numbers*

Me: “Was that your social security number? I didn’t need your social. I just wondered if you had any coupons.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

Me: “I also need to scan your ID for the wine.”

Customer: “No way. I’m not giving you a chance to steal my identity!”

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