His Translation Is A Sham(rock)

| Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(I work as a cashier. Two customers are in my line: an older man with a grimace and a younger man with a thick Irish accent. The Irishman, Customer #1, has jostled the older man, Customer #2.)

Customer #1: “Hey, watch it!”

Customer #2:You watch it, boy! Why’d you get in my way?”

Customer #1: “Get in your way? Oh, come on!”

Customer #2: *looks at me* “You saw that, right? He bumped his cart right into me!”

Customer #1: “Look, let’s not get her involved. You can just go in front of me. ‘Pogue mahone’ (póg mo thóin), alright?

Customer #2: “What was that?”

Customer #1: “Oh, ‘Pogue mahone’? It’s an Irish phrase. We say it when we want to end an argument. Here you go, you can go first.”

Customer #2: “Darn right I will. Youth these days need to learn to be a little more respectful.”

(I check him out and he leaves. Customer #1 steps up, and I begin checking his things out.)

Customer #1: “I sure hope he doesn’t look up what that really means when he gets home.”

Me: “Why? What does it mean?”

Customer #1: “It’s Irish for ‘Kiss my a**’.”

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

| Athens, GA, USA | Bad Behavior

(I’m a customer walking around the kitchen section of a department store.)

Woman: *aggressively* “Where are your housewares?!”

(I look around, utterly bewildered, but realize she is talking to me. We’re already standing in what I’d consider the housewares section.)

Woman: “WHERE. ARE. YOUR. HOUSEWARES?”

Me: “IN. MY. HOUSE. B****!”

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 4

Good Employees Can Fill In The Blanks

| Santa Clarita, CA, USA | Family & Kids

(It is 2000. I am working in the electronics department at a well-known chain department store, when a boy of about 13 years old walks up to my counter.)

Boy: “Um… like, uh… do you, like, uh… have any, uh… like, uh… they’re like, um… they’re like, uh, movies… uh… but, like… they, like… they don’t… they, like, don’t have anything on them?”

Me: *after staring for a moment* “Do you mean blank videocassettes?”

Boy: “Yeah!”