You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Job Description

, | Arlington, VA, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(I am a cashier at a costume store. A young boy and his mother come up to pay. The mother is busy texting. The boy has a police officer costume in his hand.)

Boy: “Mommy, now I can really play sodomy!”

Mom: *not paying attention* “That’s nice, sweetie.”

Me: *confused* “Playing sodomy?”

Boy: “Sodomy, like when you pretend to be the police.”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

Every Bird And Bee’s Worst Nightmare

| Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

(I’m serving a woman in an aisle when her daughter, about 3 or 4 years old, shows up behind me. She’s been hiding in the next aisle over and I’ve thus far been unaware of her presence.)

Me: “Oh! Hi, sweetie! Where did you come from?”

(She pauses and looks at me like I’m stupid.)

Girl: “Mummy’s vagina?”

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Self-Fulfilling Animosity

, | Minneapolis, MN, USA | At The Checkout

(The store I work at does engravings on items people bring in. A woman comes in with a bag of name tags.)

Customer: “How much would it be to get two of these engraved?”

Me: “$22.”

Customer: “What? Thats ridiculous! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here last week!”

Me: “I’m sorry you don’t agree with the price. It’s not something I can change.”

Customer: “Ugh! That’s just way too expensive! I’m never shopping here again after this! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here a few weeks ago!”

Me: “How did your wedding order turn out?”

Customer: “It was great. I loved it.”

Me: “Good. So, are these name tags for your company?”

Customer: “Yes, we have a customer service event on Thursday.”

Me: “So your company is paying for the engraving, not you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Then why are you so upset?”

Customer: *blank look* “It’s Monday…”

Not For The Intellectually Handicapped

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers

Customer: “When I went, they wouldn’t let me park in the handicap spot because I didn’t have a tag.”

Me: “Well, are you handicapped?”

Customer: “No. I shared the price of the spot with my brother who is handicapped.”

Me: “Then you can’t park there.”

Customer: “But I paid for it!”

Me: “Miss, the police are really cracking down on this. If you park there and are not handicapped, they will ticket and tow your car resulting in fees up to or over $1,000.”

Customer: “But I paid for it!”

Me: “You can’t park there. You’re not handicapped. It doesn’t matter if you paid for it. If you’re not handicapped, then you cannot park in a handicapped spot.”

Customer: “That is so useless!”

Role-play In Everyday Life

| Onley, VA, USA | At The Checkout

(I am working as a cashier when a customer comes up with a lot of school supplies.)

Me: “Let me guess, you’re a teacher, right?”

Customer #1: “Guilty as charged.”

(We start talking about teaching as I’m bagging her merchandise. Another customer starts unloading her cart onto my conveyor.)

Customer #2: “Hey! Can you guess what I am?”

(I take a look at her items. They are all fresh produce, fruits, and veggies.)

Me: “I…uh…”

Customer #2: “I’M A RABBIT!”

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