Why Kermit Hops Away From Miss Piggy

| CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

(I fall off a ladder at work, and severely twist my ankle. Eventually, I manage to stand up, and try to hop my way to the manager. An older woman in her sixties stops me.)

Customer: “Are you okay?”

Me: “No, actually, I’ve just fallen off the ladder. I’m just trying to find my manager.”

Customer: “Oh, dear, you shouldn’t be walking on that. Here, get on my back. I’ll give you a piggy back ride.”

Me: “Umm… that’s nice of you, but I can just hop over there.”

(As I’m hopping away…)

Customer: “LET ME GIVE YOU A PIGGY BACK RIDE!”

Discounted Hell To Pay

| SLC, Utah, USA | Money, Musical Mayhem, Religion, Top

(I work for a company that sells musical equipment. I am taking a call from an older gentleman who tells me that he is a priest. He has been very nice for the duration of the call, and we are almost finished placing his order.)

Priest: “Now, could you give me 15% off on this? You would be doing the Lord’s work if you could get me 15% off my order!”

Me: “Well, I don’t think I have a 15% off coupon, right now. I’ll check and see.”

(I put him on hold, and check my available coupons. There is only a 10% coupon. I return to the customer with this.)

Me: “So, I couldn’t get you 15% off. I do have a 10% coupon, though!”

Priest: “Child, do you what to go to Hell?!”

(I am taken aback.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Priest: “Hell, Child. If you don’t give me 15% off my order, your soul will rot in Hell for all eternity!”

Me: “I’m a red-head, sir; I don’t have to worry about that. Now, is there anything else I can add to your order today?”

Parental Guidance

| Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Top

(I am a cashier at an office supply chain. A man and his teenage son come up to my register. Our PIN pads are very clearly labelled with instructions.)

Me: “Hello, sir, did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Yes, everything was fine.”

(He runs his card through.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, the machine makes you wait until the end to slide your card. It’ll be just a second.”

Customer: “Ah, okay.”

(The son points to the label on the pad that says ‘PLEASE WAIT FOR GREEN LIGHTS TO SLIDE CARD’.)

Customer: “…ah.”

Me: “All right, your total is [price]; you can go ahead and slide now.”

(He slides his card and puts it back in his wallet.)

Me: “Oh, I just need to see your card numbers for a second if it’s credit.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(He hands over his card. His son points out the label that says ‘FOR CREDIT, PLEASE HAND CARD TO CASHIER’. The customer turns to his son.)

Customer: “You’re making fun of me for not reading directions, aren’t you?”

Son: “Kind of.”