Needs To Go Back To Square One

| Rochester, NY, USA | Right | January 30, 2014

Customer: “I’m looking for a square tablecloth. I need 52 by 52, but it doesn’t fit.”

Me: “Hmm, well what’s the size of the table?”

Customer: “Well, it’s 52 by 104.”

Me: “So you’re looking for an oblong tablecloth?”

Customer: “I could have sworn it was a square.”

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Cut This One Down To Size

| Auckland, New Zealand | Right | January 30, 2014

(I work in a clothing store with the basic sizes, S, M, and L.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m wanting a plain top for my dad in ‘men’s.'”

Me: “Certainly. What size were you looking for?”

Customer: “Men’s.”

Me: “Um, what size?”

Customer: “Men’s!”

Me: “Were you looking for a medium, by any chance?”

Customer: “MEN’S! MEN’S! WHY DO I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF!?”

(I head out the back and grab a medium anyway.)

Me: “We have a ‘M’ here for you.”

Customer: “SEE! That wasn’t so hard was it!?”

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I Am More Than The Sum

| UK | Right | January 29, 2014

(I’m working a register during the busy Christmas season. I’m coming towards the end of a 12-hour shift when a man comes to my till.)

Me: “Okay, sir. That will be [price].”

Customer: “Can I pay part with cash and the rest on my card?”

Me: “Yes, that’s fine. I’ll have to process the card first, so how much do you have in cash?”

Customer: “[Amount].”

Me: “Okay. That’ll be…”

(I try to work out how much remains after subtracting his cash from the price, but my brain is just fried and I can’t think.)

Me: “That’ll be… erm…”

Customer: *sighs angrily* “It’ll be [other amount] on my card!”

Me: “Right you are, sir. Sorry about that. It’s been a long day.”

Customer: *mumbles about me being an idiot*

(Once the customer has paid, he goes to leave. Suddenly, he turns back to me.)

Customer: “You know, you are useless. Can’t even do simple calculations without needing a calculator. No wonder you’re working in a shop!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m coming to the end of a long shift of overtime, due to the busy season. Plus I’m a little tired after being up all night studying for my post grad molecular and microbiology final tomorrow. I hope you’ll understand.”

(The customer went red and shut his mouth quickly. He ran off without so much as an apology!)

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Receiving A Habitual Dressing Down

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Friendly | January 28, 2014

(I am walking through a store with a friend of mine when we walk past a woman with many tattoos and piercings, and crazy colored hair. It is summer time, and she is wearing a really cute sun dress. Note: Utah can be quite a conservative state.)

Me: “Hey! I love your dress!”

Woman: “F*** off! Wait… what did you say?”

Me: “Uh… I like your dress?”

Woman: “Oh s***. Thank you!”

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Box Of Stolen, Stupid

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Working | January 28, 2014

(I work in a game store around the time a popular family-oriented video game system comes out. We also take trade-ins. I am a floor manager, and am working on a Saturday with two other employees. We have just had one of the new systems traded in. It is broken, so we send it for repairs and have an empty box left over.)

Employee #1: “Oh, my god! I just had a brilliant idea! [My Name], grab the [System] box!”

Employee #2: “What’re you going to do with it?”

Employee #1: “I’m gonna put something heavy in it. Then I’ll leave it by the door and see if anyone takes it!”

(I grab the box as they laugh about the idea.)

Me: “What are we going to put in it?”

Employee #1: “I dunno, something heavy?”

Employee #2: “Ooh! How about a couple water bottles? They’re heavy!”

Me: “Awesome!”

(We take half a dozen water bottles and stuff them into the box. It feels realistically heavy.)

Employee #2: “We should put something else in there. Like, to make fun of the idiot who steals this.”

Me: “Well, I have some [cheese and pretzel snack] leftover from lunch. They are kinda gross. We could put that in, like a ‘reward’ for stealing the box.”

Employee #1: ‘Yeah! Like, ‘Congrats for being a d***! Here’s a gross snack!’ I like it!”

(We stuff the snack in the box, too. At this point it’s pretty full. I go to close the box when Employee #2 stops me.)

Employee #2: “Wait! Put this in, too!”

(It’s a note that says something along the lines of ‘Congrats! You’re stupid!’ We all laugh and put it in the system box. Then I seal it with a clear sticker. We all stand back and bask in the glory of the brilliance we just committed.)

Employee #1: “It’s missing something… I know! Let’s put it in a bag and leave it next to a rack. Maybe someone will think it was purchased and accidentally left behind!”

Me: “Wow. You really want to see this disappear, huh?”

Employee #1: “You bet!”

(He grabs the box and places it in one of our large bags. Then he walks to the front of the store and leaves it next to one of the demo kiosks. We all laugh about it and for the next few hours of our shifts we joke about the ‘Box of Stupid’ whenever the store is empty of customers. We all went home that day and left it next to the kiosk. The next day I go in to work around noon. The assistant manager is there, since he opened the store. I notice that the ‘Box of Stupid’ is gone!)

Me: “Oh, man! I didn’t think it would work so fast!”

Asst. Manager: “What?”

(I then tell the assistant manager what we did yesterday. Everyone that works there is pretty laid back, so I know we aren’t going to get into trouble for it.)

Me: “…and just now when I came in today, I noticed it was gone! Hilarious isn’t it?!”

Asst. Manager: “You’re telling me that the [System] on the floor was fake?”

(His expression becomes very grim. I’m suddenly filled with a sense of dread.)

Me: “You… You didn’t sell it to anyone, did you?!”

Asst. Manager: “What? Oh, no, no! That’s not it…”

Me: “Oh, good! Oh, my god. I thought we were screwed! Wait. What DID you do with the [System]?”

Asst. Manager: “Er… Well, I kinda told my friend to take it.”

(I just stare at him in disbelief. I couldn’t believe he’d be stupid enough to tell someone to take it! After a moment of silence he excuses himself and takes out his phone. He then steps outside for a bit while I run the store. After a few minutes he comes back in looking a bit annoyed.)

Asst. Manager: “What a d***! [Friend] opened the box and, sure enough, your stuff was in it. Now he’s saying I owe him a free [System]! Like h*** that’s gonna happen!”

(For the rest of the day, he’s really moody and I try to keep busy to avoid him. A few days later I’m working with the store manager, who is also normally pretty chill, and Employee #1. We tell the store manager about the whole ‘Box of Stupid’ and what happened to it.)

Store Manager: “…so he told you straight up that he told his friend to take it?”

Me: “Well… yeah. And he was mad about it, too. Why?”

Store Manager: “Oh, that’s nothing for you to worry about. Though, try not to do anything that stupid again. Okay? Let [Employee #2] know what I said.”

Employee #1 & Me: “Yes, sir.”

(A week later I found out that the ‘Box of Stupid’ was just the latest incident involving the assistant manager. It turned out he was stealing cash and games from the store. Needless to say, he was fired.)

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