Well, It Sure Beats Atkins

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer emails in a query regarding one of our products.)

Customer: “If it were a matter of life or death, could I eat this product? If so, what would happen? The label says ‘safe & non-toxic’, yet it also says ‘do not eat’. This seems contradictory. Please clarify ASAP. I’m starving.”

Me: “You would have to contact the manufacturer of the item. I recommend that you should not eat anything that says ‘safe & non-toxic’ because this could be referring to biodegradable elements of this product, and should not be used for dietary nutrition. I hope you find something else to eat.”

Not Thinking Inside The Box, Part 2

| Leander, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(I am a cashier. I see a woman taking her items out of a storage box in her cart, and placing them on the conveyor belt.)

Me: “Would you like everything just back in the box, ma’am?”

Customer: “I don’t think they’ll fit!”

Related:
Not Thinking Inside The Box
Thinking Outside The Box
Not Thinking Outside The Box, Part 3
Not Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2
Not Thinking Outside The Box

Never Out Of Laughing Stock

| UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “How much for [item]?”

Me: “£15.”

Customer: “The guy round the corner does them for thirteen.”

Me: “Well, why didn’t you buy one from him, then?”

Customer: “He’s out of stock.”

Me: “Well, when we’re out of stock, we only charge ten.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll come back when you’re out of stock, then.”

How Much Is That Human In The Window

| Dublin, Ireland | Uncategorized

(A customer walks in while I am in the shop window redecorating it.)

Customer: “Hi, I would like to know how much the girl in the window is?”

Coworker: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “The girl in the window. I want to buy her.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but she is a staff member. Plus, I also think it’s illegal to sell people.”

Customer: “Then why is she on the window?!”

Coworker: “You’re joking, right?”

Customer: “No, I want her. I need a new cleaner.”

Goldilocks Is Better Off With The Bears

| Toronto, Canada | Top

(Note: We sell a mosquito tent for babies that is very compact and light.)

Customer: “Hi, I have a question about your baby tent?”

Me: “Sure, what would you like to know?”

Customer: “Can the tent withstand a bear attack?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Well, let’s say we go camping and my husband and I are sun tanning on the other side of the lake. If a bear comes into the campsite, will the tent protect my child?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m confused. Who is in the campsite with your baby while you are on the other side of the lake?”

Customer: “Nobody. Why?”

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