When Kids Break Out On Their Own

| Denver, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Top

(I am working in the toy section of the retail store. I receive a call around 8pm.)

Me: “Hello you’re through to [retailer], toys. How can I help you?”

(A quiet little girl, not much older than 10, answers.)

Girl: “Hi um…can you help me find something for my mommy?”

Me: “Sure, honey. What are you looking for?”

Girl: “Um, I need an exercise thing. It’s like, a bar that you put on the ground and pull on.”

(I’m not sure what she means. I walk over and scan the exercise section really quick, but see nothing like that.)

Me: “Sorry, honey. We don’t really have anything like that. I can tell you some stores you might find it at.”

Girl: “Okay.”

Me: “If you can put your mom on the phone, I’ll give her the store names.”

Girl: “My mommy’s not home. It’s just me and my little brother. We accidentally broke my mommy’s thing, and we’re trying to find where to get one so she won’t be mad.”

His Head’s Up In The Sky, With Diamonds

| Wall, NJ, USA | Top

(Our store music system is playing Coldplay’s ‘Viva la Vida’. A customer comes up to me, and start making small talk.)

Customer: “I love this song!”

Me: “Yeah, I like it too. Although, there is a Swedish singer who does a cover of this. I happen to like that one better.”

Customer: “You listen to Swedish music?”

Me: “Well, not really. I just heard that there was a cover of it. I looked it up and–”

Customer: “This is America, sweetie! You should only listen to American music!”

Me: “Sir, you do know that Coldplay, the band who sings this song, is from England?”

Customer: “No, they’re not! They play this song on the radio! American radio!”

Me: “I assure you, sir. They are from England.”

Customer: “Well, I can’t like this song anymore! Unlike you, I only listen to American music–like The Rolling Stones and The Beatles!”

Related:
Her Head’s Up In The Sky, With Diamonds

Credit Car

| USA | Uncategorized

(I am finishing ringing up a customer’s purchases.)

Me: “That’ll be $14.00.”

Customer: “So, I want to pay with my credit card, but it’s out in the car. Is that okay?”

Me: “Sure, that’s fine.”

(There’s an uncomfortable pause as the customer stands there, as if waiting for something else to happen. Finally, the lightbulb goes on.)

Customer: “Oh, do I have to actually go get it?”

Catty-log

| Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, sir. Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Well, you can start by telling me why every page of your catalog has the same thing on it.”

Me: “Well, that’s actually a stack of one-page information fliers for the [product].”

Customer: “Oh. Thank you.”

Don’t Commit The Crime If You Can’t Tell Time

| OH, USA | Top

(A customer places a heavy box on the counter.)

Customer: “I want a refund on this.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we usually can only do exchanges on opened merchandise.”

Customer: “I don’t want an exchange. I want a refund!”

Me: “May I ask why?”

Customer: “I bought this here last week, and the item is missing.”

(I try to pick up the box. It weighs many times more than it should.)

Customer: “It was all full up with bricks and newspaper!”

Me: “That’s terrible. If you give me your receipt I will start processing your refund.”

(The customer digs through her purse for her receipt. Meanwhile, I look through the box and verify that it is filled with bricks and crumpled-up newspaper. I examine her receipt which is, in fact, from last week. Then, I take a closer look at several pages of the newspaper.)

Me: “Ma’am, so you bought this last week, and it was filled with bricks and yesterday’s newspaper?”

Customer: “Uh…I’ll take an exchange, please.”

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