So Good It’s Not Even There

| Netherlands | Rude & Risque

Me: “Thanks for calling [store], this is [name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, I just wanted to know whether you have any topless bikinis?”

Me: “I’m sorry, strapless bikinis, you mean?”

Customer: “Yes, topless bikinis! Do you have any?”

Waste Not, Want Not

| Dayton, OH, USA | At The Checkout

Customer: “I need to return this. We didn’t need it.”

(The customer sets a 20lb bag of rice on the counter.)

Me: “Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Yes, I do.”

Me: “Just so you know, sir, all returned food product will be thrown away. They cannot go back on the shelf or be donated by us.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! What a waste!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s the law. Since some people have poisoned food in the past, we have to throw it away for safety reasons.”

(He continues complaining about how there are starving people and how we should think about helping people, but at no point tries to stop me and offers to donate it himself.)

Customer: “I mean, I run a youth group and we just got back from a mission to help people. You guys just go ahead and throw perfectly good food out.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you just returned from a youth mission?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s what the rice is left over from.”

More Than Just A Brand

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(A tourist approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, where is the coochie?”

Me: *confused* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Coochie. The store.”

Me: “Oh! You mean Gucci? It’s just a couple blocks–”

Customer: “No, no!”

(She points at Coach bag.)

Customer: “Coochie!”

Peter Pan Would Beg To Differ

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m working at customer service when a little boy with a balloon comes walking up with his mom. As I take care of the woman, I try to talk to the little boy.)

Me: “Wow, that’s a cool red balloon! Where did you get it from?”

Mom: “Honey, an adult is talking to you! Answer, her please.”

Boy: “Why is she an adult?”

Mom: “Because she is.”

Boy: “But why?”

Mom: “Because she’s not allowed to act like a kid anymore.”

The Price Is (Not) Right

| Singapore | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

Customer: “I want to get this TV for $2,599.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but our price is fixed at $2,999.”

Customer: “That’s nonsense! I went to [competitor] and they’re selling the same thing for $2,599!”

Me: “Is that so? I highly doubt that because this is the current market price for this newly released model. Everyone is selling it at $2,999.”

Customer: “Are you saying I’m a liar? I even took a picture of their price tag, but I can’t show you because I left my camera in my car.”

Me: “No, sir. I’m sorry if you think that way, but even if it is indeed at that price, we don’t do price matching at our store.

Customer: “Why the h*** won’t you do that? I can just go there and pay them good money, you know.”

Me: “If I may ask, sir, why you don’t do so?”

Customer: “Er, because I told them that I saw the same TV elsewhere at $2,299.”

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