All You Need Is Love

| Canada | Pets & Animals

(A customer is looking for a heat lamp for her lizards’ terrarium.)

Me: “Yes, we have them, both in red and clear.”

Customer: “Perfect, I love you!”

Me: “Oh, uh, thanks?”

(Later, she comes back to get the replacement bulb.)

Customer: “Sorry about saying ‘I love you’ earlier.”

Me: “Don’t worry about it, always nice to feel loved.” *hands her bulb and walk her to register*

Customer: “Great, now my geckos will love you too!”

Me: “Yay!”

Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2

| Nova Scotia, Canada | Canada, Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(The majority of the customers coming into this shop are from off of the cruise ships and mainly American.)

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with today, ma’am?”

Customer: “Um, yes…could you tell me where I am?”

Me: “Yup, you’re in Canada.”

Customer: “And where is Canada?”

Me: “Um, well, if you look at a map, it’s that large country on top of your country.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(She looks baffled by this new piece of information and slowly turns around and walks away.)

Related:
Canada: America’s Hat

Family Loosely Interpreted

| Newburgh, IN, USA | Family & Kids

(I work in the video game section of a large retail store. I overhear this couple talking about our selection of video games.)

Woman: “Why do they sell Grand Theft Auto? This is supposed to be a family friendly store!”

Husband: “They are family friendly. Some families just have teenagers that like to pretend to steal cars and punch people.”

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Some Things You Don’t Plan Ahead

| Palm Bay, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(I am working the register today when one of my regulars comes in to buy a couple of things. He’s about 80 years old and lives across the street in a nursing home with his wife of 60 years. Nothing strange happens as I help him load the things from his electric cart onto the counter and we chat a bit as I ring him through. As I am loading the bags, however, things turn a little creepy.)

Customer: “You know, you’re just as cute as a button!”

Me: “Uh, thanks!” *smile*

Customer: “You know, when the wife goes, I just might have to take you home with me!”

Me: “Um–”

Customer: “See you tomorrow, sweet thing!”

Bring Your Own Justice

| Paramus, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(I am working the fitting room on a particularly busy day. Our store is pretty small, but many customers bring in their giant shopping carts in from the store next to us. A particular woman has parked her cart right in the middle of the entrance to the fitting room. A man is waiting for his wife and notices the cart.)

Customer: “Whose cart is that?”

Me: “Another customer’s, I believe.”

Customer: “That shouldn’t be there. I work construction. That’s a fire hazard!”

Me: “I don’t disagree, sir, but unfortunately I’m not allowed to ban carts from the store. I also don’t know who it belongs to.”

(At this point, the cart’s owner’s kids start trying to play on the cart, running into me, the racks of clothes and the walls. I try to get them to stop, but they don’t listen.)

Customer: “Man, that sucks. Can I say something? Because that’s just f***ing rude!”

Me: *laughing* “Sir, I can’t, but feel free to talk to her if you want.”

Customer: “Damn straight! I’m going to tell that b**** to move her d*** cart!”

Me: *laughs* “Good luck with that, sir.”

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