Discounted Hell To Pay

| SLC, Utah, USA | Money, Musical Mayhem, Religion, Top

(I work for a company that sells musical equipment. I am taking a call from an older gentleman who tells me that he is a priest. He has been very nice for the duration of the call, and we are almost finished placing his order.)

Priest: “Now, could you give me 15% off on this? You would be doing the Lord’s work if you could get me 15% off my order!”

Me: “Well, I don’t think I have a 15% off coupon, right now. I’ll check and see.”

(I put him on hold, and check my available coupons. There is only a 10% coupon. I return to the customer with this.)

Me: “So, I couldn’t get you 15% off. I do have a 10% coupon, though!”

Priest: “Child, do you what to go to Hell?!”

(I am taken aback.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Priest: “Hell, Child. If you don’t give me 15% off my order, your soul will rot in Hell for all eternity!”

Me: “I’m a red-head, sir; I don’t have to worry about that. Now, is there anything else I can add to your order today?”

Parental Guidance

| Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Top

(I am a cashier at an office supply chain. A man and his teenage son come up to my register. Our PIN pads are very clearly labelled with instructions.)

Me: “Hello, sir, did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Yes, everything was fine.”

(He runs his card through.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, the machine makes you wait until the end to slide your card. It’ll be just a second.”

Customer: “Ah, okay.”

(The son points to the label on the pad that says ‘PLEASE WAIT FOR GREEN LIGHTS TO SLIDE CARD’.)

Customer: “…ah.”

Me: “All right, your total is [price]; you can go ahead and slide now.”

(He slides his card and puts it back in his wallet.)

Me: “Oh, I just need to see your card numbers for a second if it’s credit.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(He hands over his card. His son points out the label that says ‘FOR CREDIT, PLEASE HAND CARD TO CASHIER’. The customer turns to his son.)

Customer: “You’re making fun of me for not reading directions, aren’t you?”

Son: “Kind of.”

Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 2

| Rosemont, IL, USA | Geography, History, Politics

(I am Swedish, and visiting friends in the US. I see a bag with some peanut butter and chocolate dipped pretzels.)

Me: “Really?”

(I show the bag to my friends.)

Friend #1: “You don’t have that in Europe?”

Me: “Nope, and I’m glad we don’t. You Americans are silly.”

(We laugh a bit together, when suddenly an older man comes up.)

Old Man: “You f****** communist! You think you can come here and demean us!?”

Me: “Excuse me? I was ju—”

Old Man: “Shut up, d*** Russian! Go back to Siberia, and pray to Stalin!”

Friend #1: “Umm… he’s actually Swedish.”

Old Man: “Are you a f****** commie too?”

Friend #2: “None of us are! And frankly, we’ve had quite enough of your bull-s***, so p*** off.”

Old Man: “Whatever, we still won the cold war!”

(We just leave. Later on by the cash register, we see the same old man about to pay for his things. When he spots us, he points his finger towards us and shouts.)

Old Man: “Watch out for the commie b*******!”

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Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills