Sweater Mystery Unravels

| USA | Top

(I am working at the customer service desk. A conservatively dressed woman in her early sixties walks up to the counter.)

Me: “Hi. What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “Just a return.”

(She pulls out a very garish holiday sweater, covered entirely in bright red sequins.)

Me: “Okay, was there anything wrong with it?”

Customer: “No. I just must have been really f****** high when I bought it. Look at it! It’s hideous! I don’t even remember buying this thing. I must have been really baked. D***, this is an ugly sweater!”

Best Just Throw In The Towel On This One

| Woodland Park, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes up to the register with two hand towels. They are on clearance.)

Customer: “The sign said these were buy one, get one free.”

Me: “Well, actually they’re clearance. So you’re saving $2.”

Customer: “I want what the sign says.”

Me: “I’m sorry about the sign being wrong, but you’re actually saving more money by them being on clearance.”

Customer: “You’re not listening to what I’m saying. I don’t care about saving money.”

(I charge her the extra two dollars.)

This Customer Is Literally Peanuts

| Williamsburg, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(The customer picks up a gift card. It has a picture of a pressed peanut plant on it.)

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “It’s a peanut plant. We have a local artist that does designs in pressed flowers.”

Customer: “That’s not what this is.”

Me: “Well, a peanut plant isn’t a flower. But this is Virginia, and we do like our peanuts!

Customer: “I mean, this is not a plant!”

Me: “It’s a card with a picture of a plant on it.”

Customer: “A card? Well, you shouldn’t say it’s a plant then. It’s misleading.”

You Say Communist, I Say Consumerist

| Ellensburg, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have any clothes that aren’t made in China?”

Me: “Well, we can–”

Customer: *whispers conspiratorially* “Don’t you know that they’re all communists there?”

(She grabs a shirt off of the rack, and looks at the tag.)

Customer: “Ah. Made in Vietnam. Much better.”

(She walks off triumphantly.)

The Punishment Is Fitting

| Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

(There are no associates at our store just to clean the fitting rooms. It’s up to us to clean it out. I am checking the fitting rooms, when a mother and daughter come out. Clothes are everywhere. There are at least 20 pieces, inside out and on the floor.)

Daughter: *starts to pick up clothes* “Shouldn’t we clean this up?”

Mother: “No, honey. That’s their job. Leave it.”

(They walk out with one item in hand. They come back a moment later as I am cleaning.)

Mother: “Excuse me, miss. There is no one at the register. I need to buy this.”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. I was cleaning this up. Give me one second and I will be right there.”

Mother: *turns red* “Oh, yes. Take your time.”

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