Best To Avoid The Void

| Newcastle, Australia | Uncategorized

(I can’t cancel sales. If customer doesn’t want an item, I must void it and it still appears on the next receipt with the deletion below. This conversation takes place after I voided a $30 CD player and another customer comes through.)

Customer: “The previous lady’s CD player is still on my receipt. I don’t want to pay for it!”

Me: “Sorry madam, but if you look just below the CD player It says ‘Void CD Player’ and there is a -$30 next to it meaning the money has already come off your total.”

Customer: *agitated* “I’m not very good at maths, but that doesn’t sound right. I don’t believe you.”

Me: “The total of your items was only $16.50. If you had to also pay for the CD player, it would have been $46.50. You only gave me $20.”

Customer: “I’m don’t believe you. If I figure out how you tricked me I’ll be back!”

Caller I-D’oh

| Waukesha, WI, USA | Hall of Fame, Uncategorized

(I am calling customers to remind them to pick up their ready orders.)

Girl: “Ooh… Mmm… Ahh…”

(A fumbling sound can be heard as more moaning and gasping.)

Me: “Ah. Yes, this is [my name] calling from [Opticians] and I just wanted to speak with [client’s name] however, if this is a bad time–”

Girl: “Mmm… Hold on.”

(I hear the sound of the phone being handed over to another person.)

Man: “Ooh… Mmm… Ahh… Just kidding, mom. What’s up? I thought
you were at the spa today.”

Me: “Actually I’m not your mom. This is actually just [my name] calling from [Opticians] to let you know your order’s been ready for quite some time to pickup.”

Man: “Oh, t-thanks.”

Me: “Yep, that’s no problem. Have a good day.”

You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 4

| Melbourne, Australia | Hall of Fame, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, can you please help me find the new [brand] MP3 player? The one with the built in paedophile?”

Me: “I’m sorry, built in what?”

Customer: “Paedophile, that thing that keeps track of your footsteps?”

Me: “Ah, yes. That would be a pedometer.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I can say with 100% certainty that none of our products have a built-in paedophile.”

You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Item
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

Not The Best Display Of Human Behavior

| Yorktown, NY, USA | Hall of Fame, Uncategorized

Customer: “What do you do with the old displays?”

Me: “We keep most of them on display year-round. The rest are usually thrown away if they display old merchandise.”

Customer: “Can I ask a manager if I can just buy the ones on display right now?”

Me: “I can call him if you’d like, but he’s locked in the office right now checking the safe. We’re closing in a few minutes.”

(I call my manager on the office phone but he promptly replies the same way I did: she cannot buy any of the displays.)

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we’re unable to sell them to you. Is there anything I can help you with otherwise? We’re closing and my register will be shut down soon so if you’d like to buy anything, now’s your chance.”

(Woman looks at me and walks out the front door. About ten minutes later, I’m counting out the register drawers and my manager calls over the intercom.)

Manager: “Hey [my name], could you come to the stock room when you get a chance? We need you to identify this woman we found in the dumpster stealing our displays.”

Honey, I Shrunk The Brain

| WA, USA | Hall of Fame, Uncategorized

(We pack and sell raw local honey in plastic jars.)

Customer: “I don’t like these plastic jars. They are messy. You should use glass jars.”

Me: “Glass is much heavier, and it breaks so easily. But I’ve never noticed it being messier to deal with. How does it trouble you?”

Customer: “Plastic leaks.”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer: “I take a bit of honey each night before bed. And every morning there is a ring of honey on the nightstand where it has leaked out of the jar.”

Me: “I know if the jar is poured, you must wipe it off or the drip will run down the outside and make a sticky mess. But the same is true of any honey jar.”

Customer: “No, it leaks out the bottom. And only plastic jars.”

Me: “But all these boxes here are full of plastic jars, and the box bottoms are clean and dry.”

Customer: “Well, of course it doesn’t do it here. It’s only on nightstands!”

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