Turning The Air(waves) Blue

| Pensacola, FL, USA | Working | March 4, 2014

(As my husband and I are checking out with a very friendly cashier, her radio beeps on, and we hear her coworkers speaking.)

Coworker #1: “Hey, [Name]! Are you going to come help me with this customer or not?”

Coworker #2: “I’m in firewood with someone.”

Coworker #1: “My God, you light it on fire! Hurry up! D*** it!”

(The cashier puts a hand over her mouth.)

Cashier: “I am SO sorry you had to hear my coworker swear.”

Me: “Oh, it’s fine. I’m sure—”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, well, why don’t you tell my customer that, you a**?”

Cashier: “I beg your pardon.”

(She pulls her radio from her vest to speak into it.)

Cashier: “Okay. Let’s be nice, children. MY customers don’t appreciate hearing you swear over the radio. Thanks.”

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Forget You!

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Working | March 3, 2014

(I get scolded by my manager for forgetting a procedure that I read about a couple of weeks before but hadn’t actually used yet.)

Manager: “Are you stupid?! You signed that you read it and now you are saying you’ve forgotten it? There’s no excuse. You should have remembered it.”

(The next day I am shopping in our store half an hour before my shift starts.)

Manager: “[My Name], what are you doing?”

Me: “I’m shopping.”

Manager: “How dare you shop on company time?! Get to your section now! I’ll be dealing with you later.”

Me: “I don’t start for half an hour. You should know that.”

Manager: “How am I supposed to remember that?”

Me: “You wrote the roster. You are supposed to remember what time I start.”

Manager: “Are you getting back at me for what I said to you yesterday?”

Me: “Yep.”

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Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Right | March 3, 2014

(The lingerie company I work for has a very large sale twice a year, and it is always quite popular. We mark down prices on much of our merchandise again as the sale goes on, to move old stock. We do offer price adjustments on sale items that have been discounted again. The customer in question here is a notorious returner.)

Me: “Thank you for shopping with us today. How was your experience with us?”

Customer: “Whatever. I need to do a price adjustment.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have all your receipts?”

(The customer hands me at least 20 different receipts.)

Me: “Oh…wow. There’s a lot of receipts here. Which items did you want price adjustments on?”

Customer: “All of them.”

Me: *whimpers* “Um… okay. Just so you know, this will take a few moments.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah. Just hurry up.”

(I look at the first receipt and notice that all the items on it were purchased at full price outside of our 90-day return policy, before the sale even started.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m really sorry, but this receipt is from almost five months ago. We only have a 90-day return policy, so there’s nothing I can do with this receipt.”

Customer: “But the items on there cost less now. I want the sale price!”

Me: “Yes, and if you had purchased these items within the last 90 days, I’d be happy to do the adjustment. But as you can see, you bought them several months ago, and the system won’t process it.”

Customer: “Well, what about the other receipts?”

(I go through the receipts and note that only four of them have dates within the 90 day policy, so I hand the stack back to the customer.)

Me: “All right, so it looks like only these four have dates within the return policy, but I’ll be more than happy to scan these through and give you your discount.”

(The customer huffs, but says nothing. After scanning all four receipts and rescanning every single item on them, I tell the customer her refund amount.)

Me: “Ma’am, it looks like you’re going to be getting back $1.50 for all of these.”

Customer: “What? That’s impossible! Everything on there has dropped in price again!”

Me: “Actually, that’s not true. The bras you purchased were $15.99, and that is still their price today. The only thing you’re saving any money on is this perfume, and that’s only $1.50.”

(I process the transaction and put the $1.50 on her credit card. I assume the transaction is done, until she hands me the out of date stack again.)

Customer: “Now do these. I’ll get more back on these.”

Me: “Ma’am, as I’ve already explained, these receipts are just too old to do a price adjustment on. I’m sorry, but my system won’t process it.”

Customer: “No! You will give me my money back!”

Me: “Ma’am, as I said, I’m terribly sorry, but my register will just deny the transaction. There is literally nothing I can do.”

Customer: “Fine. I’ll just go to [other store location] and get them to do it!”

(The customer leaves in a huff. I call the other store to let them know she’s coming. They don’t process her return either.)

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Pregnancy Test Versus God’s Test

| NJ, USA | Right | February 28, 2014

(Two male customers approach my line not knowing each other. The first appears to be a teenager and the second seems to be in his late 20s. The younger of the two approaches first with only a pregnancy test, which we offer in our ‘family planning’ section.)

Older Customer: *to me* “Pregnancy test? This is what’s wrong with teens today, right? All of them think they’re adults and decide to f*** each other.” *to the younger customer* “God hates you! You should be ashamed of yourself!”

(The older customer continues going on about the younger customer, and I’m about to say something when the younger customer turns around.)

Younger Customer: “Sir, I would like to get one thing straight with you. This pregnancy test isn’t for me. It’s for my sister who refused to get out of the car because she was terrified that she’d be judged for buying one. I went straight to get this test, grabbed it off the shelf, and walked around the store a few times to prove a point. Not one person has said a thing about me until now.”

(The older customer appears like he’s going to respond when the younger customer continues. At this point people have begun to stare.)

Younger Customer: “Furthermore, I have to admit that I find it funny that you, of all people, are the one to react, claiming that God hates me. You decided to preach about the evils of lust when a quick look at your cart would suggest you are a worse slave to it.”

(The younger customer proceeded to take two particular items out of the older customer’s cart: a naughty magazine and an ultra-large bottle of lotion! The younger customer said this entire thing without once breaking eye contact with the older customer, or breaking stride. Embarrassed, the older customer pulled out of the lane, which by now had formed a line of at least seven people, and went to a register several lanes away.)

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Conversational Balls-Up

| Grangemouth, Scotland, UK | Working | February 27, 2014

(The store is quiet for an afternoon. We are looking over the department lottery, where I notice something strange on the sheet.)

Me: “[Coworker], why is your name down twice?”

Coworker: “Well, my husband wants to take part as well, but I’m bringing the money in for it anyway, so it’s easier if I just put mine down.”

Me: “I guess that makes sense…”

Coworker: *a little excitedly* “Yep, so I’ve got two balls!”

(Almost immediately, she realised what she said loud enough that a few customers and coworkers turned round. She hid in the corner and refused to come out for a few minutes while I was bent over in laughter!)

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