Virtually Clueless

| Columbia, MO, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you carry these tires in a whitewall?”

Me: “No, we don’t. You might have more luck if you check our website, sir. It’s [website].”

Customer: “So, where’s that at? Is it…here?”

Doing Favors On Your Knees

| Saskatchewan, Canada | Religion

(I am on my knees cleaning up a display that has very low shelves.)

Customer: *whispering* “Make sure you say some for me while you’re down there.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Well, I just thought since you were on your knees you must be praying. I could use some prayers.”

Me: “I’m just cleaning the bottom shelf.”

Customer: “Well, can you say one for me while you’re down there?”

It’s Never Too Late To Find Your Higher Calling

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer in his late 30s comes through my line with a few food items, a pack of printer paper, and a can of compressed air.)

Me: “Hi. Find everything you needed today?”

Customer: “I did, thank you.”

(When I scan the canned air, the register automatically asks for ID.)

Me: “May I please see your ID?”

Customer: “Sure, but what for?”

Me: “It’s for the canned air. The register won’t process an age-restricted product without actually scanning an ID.”

Customer: “Why is it age-restricted?”

Me: “Well, kids inhale it to get high. It really messes you up.”

Customer: “Really?”

(He looks down at his order.)

Customer: “Think I should get another can?”

Sugar Daddy Makes Life So Sweet

| Louisiana, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “See that man over there? His name is Jim. I just met him and he’s paying for all my stuff.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “My mom always told me to find a rich man to take care of me. Do you have a rich man taking care of you?”

Me: “Um…no.”

Customer: “Sweetie, you need to get yourself one while you’re still young.”

It’s Curtains For You

| CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am walking the store. I see a woman digging through our curtain panels.)

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for more of these curtains. You had them the other day, and I came back today to buy them.”

(She shows me a curtain. I realize she’s in the wrong section.)

Me: “Oh, okay. Those are actually over here.”

(I lead her over to where the panels should be, but the space is empty.)

Me: “I’m sorry, it looks like we’re out of stock. I can check the computer to be sure, but it looks like somebody else bought them.”

Customer: “No, nobody could have bought them.”

(She goes back to digging through the shelves.)

Me: “They wouldn’t be over there, though. If we had them in stock, they would be right here.”

Customer: “No, they wouldn’t. The other day when I was in here I hid them so no one else would buy them.”

Me: “You hid the panels?”

Customer: “Yes. So, can you help me find them?”

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