She Puts The Bra In Bravado

| San Diego, CA, USA | Rude & Risque

(I work in a lingerie store. I am standing at the front greeting customers when a woman in a full business suit walks in.)

Me: “Welcome, how can I help you today?”

(She unbuttons her shirt to the waist in order to reveal a ratty bra that is at least five years old.)

Woman: “Yeah, where can I find this bra?”

Me: “Um, I don’t think we carry that style anymore, but I can send you back to the fitting room where they can help you find a nice alternative.”

Woman: *still with her shirt unbuttoned* “Sure, sounds great.”

Me: “Okay, can I get your name and size?”

Woman: “Oh, I can’t remember my size. Just check the back of my bra for me, would you?

(She then begins to take off the rest of her shirt in the front of the store.)

Me: “Let’s just send you back to the fitting room right now…”

You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Job Description

, | Arlington, VA, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(I am a cashier at a costume store. A young boy and his mother come up to pay. The mother is busy texting. The boy has a police officer costume in his hand.)

Boy: “Mommy, now I can really play sodomy!”

Mom: *not paying attention* “That’s nice, sweetie.”

Me: *confused* “Playing sodomy?”

Boy: “Sodomy, like when you pretend to be the police.”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

Every Bird And Bee’s Worst Nightmare

| Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

(I’m serving a woman in an aisle when her daughter, about 3 or 4 years old, shows up behind me. She’s been hiding in the next aisle over and I’ve thus far been unaware of her presence.)

Me: “Oh! Hi, sweetie! Where did you come from?”

(She pauses and looks at me like I’m stupid.)

Girl: “Mummy’s vagina?”

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Self-Fulfilling Animosity

, | Minneapolis, MN, USA | At The Checkout

(The store I work at does engravings on items people bring in. A woman comes in with a bag of name tags.)

Customer: “How much would it be to get two of these engraved?”

Me: “$22.”

Customer: “What? Thats ridiculous! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here last week!”

Me: “I’m sorry you don’t agree with the price. It’s not something I can change.”

Customer: “Ugh! That’s just way too expensive! I’m never shopping here again after this! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here a few weeks ago!”

Me: “How did your wedding order turn out?”

Customer: “It was great. I loved it.”

Me: “Good. So, are these name tags for your company?”

Customer: “Yes, we have a customer service event on Thursday.”

Me: “So your company is paying for the engraving, not you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Then why are you so upset?”

Customer: *blank look* “It’s Monday…”

Not For The Intellectually Handicapped

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers

Customer: “When I went, they wouldn’t let me park in the handicap spot because I didn’t have a tag.”

Me: “Well, are you handicapped?”

Customer: “No. I shared the price of the spot with my brother who is handicapped.”

Me: “Then you can’t park there.”

Customer: “But I paid for it!”

Me: “Miss, the police are really cracking down on this. If you park there and are not handicapped, they will ticket and tow your car resulting in fees up to or over $1,000.”

Customer: “But I paid for it!”

Me: “You can’t park there. You’re not handicapped. It doesn’t matter if you paid for it. If you’re not handicapped, then you cannot park in a handicapped spot.”

Customer: “That is so useless!”

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