It’s Going To Be A Tough Quarter

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

Customer: “Can you help me put packing tape on this box so I can ship it?”

Me: “Of course.”

(I help her seal the box, which is full of nice clothes. Then I put the box’s measurements in and show her the prices.)

Me: “Looks like your cheapest bet will be through USPS at [price].”

Customer: “What about this option?”

(She points at a USPS option that is about 25 cents cheaper than what I offered.)

Me: “That’s the Media Mail rate. It only applies if you’re shipping books or CDs.”

Customer: “Well, I’m shipping books.”

Me: “No, I saw the contents of your package when I sealed it. You’re not shipping books or CDs, so I can’t give you the media rate.”

Customer: “But I want the cheaper price.”

Me: “It’s only a difference of 25 cents. It isn’t that big a difference, is it?”

Customer: “Can’t you, like, just say that I’m shipping books?”

Me: “You’re asking me to lie and put my job at risk just to save you a quarter?”

Customer: “Yes! God! Is that too much to ask to save me some money?”

Water Is A Force(Field) Of Nature

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I work in a small outdoors store. Most of our customers are total gear-heads and know almost as much about the product as we do. A well-dressed man who looks to be in his sixties walks in, stansd in front of the cash register, and announces loudly that he needs a new coat as “the rain kept getting in” his old one. I proceed to speak to him for about an hour. Despite English appearing to be his first language, he doesn’t seem to understand the term ‘waterproof’.”

Me: “This is another good option over here, totally waterproof and seam-sealed. It’s from [brand]. I guarantee the rain won’t get in it.”

Customer: “So, the rain won’t get in this one?”

Me: “Not at all.”

Customer: “It won’t get in? Not even a little bit?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Even through the top?”

Me: “Well… not if you put the hood up.”

Customer: *nods curtly and smiles* “I see. So you’re sure the rain won’t go through this one?”

Me: “No, it’s waterproof. The rain won’t go through.”

Customer: “So…” *looks as if a light bulb just went off* “Does the rain touch the jacket at all?”

Coworker: *who has heard the whole exchange* “Sir, it’s a rain jacket, not a force field.”

Going From Bad To Warsaw

| West Sussex, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Top

(I am half Polish, and fluent in the language, but have lived in England all my life so speak without an accent. Between my degree and my masters, I get a job in a pound shop—everything costs £1—to earn some money. I am on tills and call two young women forward.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

(The customer dumps her items on the counter without acknowledging me, and then turns to her friend and speaks in Polish.)

Customer #1: “Look at this dumb b****! How bad must your life get to work here?!”

Customer #2: *in Polish* “I know! And she judges us for being Polish! All English people are so racist!”

Me: *in Polish* “That will be £7, please.”

Customers #1 & #2: *both turn red and hurry out of the shop*