Drastic Plastic

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(A shopper walks by with a cart full of cups, plastic silverware, and paper plates.)

Me: “Hey! How are you? Throwing a party?”

Customer: “Oh, no. I just don’t believe in washing dishes.”

Planning To Walk A Mile In Another Man’s Shoes

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I’m a cashier at a sports store. A customer comes up with just a few items, one being a small shoebox. I open the box and there are two dirty old kid’s shoes inside.)

Customer: “Oh, my son has them on; he’s somewhere else in the store.”

Me: “I just need to see the shoes before I ring them up, and make sure they are right.”

Customer: “Oh, uh…”

(He calls his son—who is standing ducked behind the candy aisle—over.)

Customer: “Here!”

(He cheerfully points at his son.)

Me: “I have to see them up-close.”

(He picks his son up and holds his feet out.)

Customer: “See?”

Me: “Can I get one of those?”

Customer: “Sure?”

(He’s not smiling as much now, and pops one of the shoes off.I check the shoe. It’s the same brand, same size, but different style number.)

Me: “Oh, you’ve got the wrong shoe. Are these the ones you want? I can call for the right box.”

(He puts on a big show of arm movements and smacking his forehead.)

Customer: “Aww buddy! We got the wrong shoes! We got the wrong shoes, buddy. We’ll be right back.”

(He takes back the box. I wait for a while, holding his other items. I call the shoe department to tell them about the man, and find out the box was for a much cheaper pair of kid’s shoes. I let my manager know, and she heads off after him. When the man returns, I am alone.)

Customer: “Here we go!”

(I check the box: same brand and style number. I nod, smile, and ring them up. My manager walks up, not smiling at all, and holds out another box.)

Manager: “You wanted this too, right?”

(He looks rather wide-eyed and quiet. He suddenly smiles and takes the box, nodding.)

Customer: “Yeah, right! I lost this, thank you! I was going to ask for it. Haha.”

(I ring up the box and the man leaves with his son. My manager says she followed my tip and found him putting on some adult shoes himself, determined to get a free pair. She just brought up the box for the shoes he was going to steal.)

In Uniform, Out Of Work

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests

(I walk into a store without realizing I am wearing khakis and a red polo; they are the store’s uniform colors. A middle aged lady stops me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me where to find the lamps?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Don’t you lie to me! You are still wearing your uniform! Obviously you work here!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but this just happens to be what I wore today.”

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU! I can’t believe you would treat a customer like this.”

(A manager walks up, focused on the yelling customer.)

Manager: “Ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I demand you fire this employee! He is refusing to help me!”

(The manager turns to talk to me. I see the surprise on his face, due to the fact that I am not one of his employees.)

Manager: “Is it true that you refused to help this woman?”

Me: “Yeah, I suppose…”

Manager: “Alright then, you’re fired.”

Me: “D*** man! Really?”

Manager: “Yes.”

(He turns back to the lady.)

Manager: “The lamps are over there, ma’am. I will personally take care of this troublemaker.”

(As the lady smugly walks off, he turns back to me.)

Manager: “Sorry about that. You don’t actually work here do you?”

Me: “Nope. You just fired me.”

(We share a laugh, and he takes me to the attached coffee house to buy me a drink.)